


Fix You

by sg1mouse



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Developing Relationship, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Multimedia, Post-Canon, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 22:56:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 50,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11610687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sg1mouse/pseuds/sg1mouse
Summary: Sam and Daniel begin a new relationship only to have tragedy continue to stalk them.





	1. Chapter One: Blackbird

**Author's Note:**

> This series was previously entitled No Words. I changed it feeling that the song didn’t fit the story as a whole.
> 
> It is now titled: Fix You, a Coldplay tune that I thought was more suitable. 
> 
> Each of the chapters are titled after the song it corresponds with. The song is instrumental in the telling of each chapter, whether used directly by the character or that it just set the mood. Each song is written in the story and I have included a Youtube link so you can listen to it as well.
> 
> I have not included all the art that I made for this story on this site. If you would like to see the rest of the manips I made, please go to: http://sniperphoto7.wixsite.com/themousehole/random-art

Sitting beside the ocean Sam watched as the waves crash onto the shore.  She may have been there physically, but mentally and emotionally she was light years away.  In her mind, she replayed everything that had happened though it had been almost two months.

Why?  After all they had been through, why did this have to happen?

It was starting to get cold and Sam wrapped her coat around her tighter.  The tears had stopped a month ago.  She seriously didn’t think she had any more to shed.  Every day since she resigned her commission and moved to Oregon, Sam would sit on this rock and watched the ocean.  It was the only thing that comforted her now.  The blue of the waves reminding her of his eyes.

Oh, those eyes.  If there was anything that she had to pinpoint, that made her truly fall in love with him, it was his eyes.  Pools of eternity.  Twin stargates of deep, passionate love.

* * *

 

_Daniel had come back from a mission that failed in saving several SG personnel.  He was distraught and distant.  Sam found him in his office late that night.  He had been crying.  She knew he wasn’t one that would let his emotions out unless the hurt was extremely deep._

_She went and sat down beside him, putting her arm over his shoulders.  Nothing was said.  Nothing needed to be.  Sam could feel the tension ease out of him slowly, as he wept.  She pulled him to her, resting his head on her shoulder._

_“I tried, Sam,” he sobbed quietly.  “I, I just couldn’t get to them.”_

_“I know, Daniel.  Shhhh.  It will be okay.”_

_Gently stroking his hair, she wondered what had really happened on that planet.  She had read the report and sat in on the debrief.  The SG-9 team leader filled them in on most of the action.  Daniel, however, was unusually quiet._

_This was the first command of a SG team that he had.  It was highly unusual that a civilian was given this opportunity, but he had proven himself, time and time again over the last ten years.  It seemed only fitting that he would lead this rescue.  But it all went wrong the moment they stepped through the ’gate._

_Sam felt Daniel quiet in her arms.  He pulled away, wiping his face with his hands.  He looked so lost, it broke her heart.  No matter how much he had matured, how strong he had become, she would always see the wide-eyed wonder of the boy that rested just beneath the surface._

_At that moment, when he was mourning the loss of colleagues, Sam was hit with a blast of raw realization.  She was in love with this man.  Truly, and deeply in love._

* * *

 

Walking back into her new house, Sam felt a knot tightening in her stomach.  She had lost so much weight; she knew that it wasn’t good.  If only Janet were alive.  Or even her Dad.  Jack was off in Washington, Cam and Vala still with SG-1.  Teal’c was off world with Bra’tac.  There was no one here for her.

One last look at the darkening ocean, Sam closed the door.  This was not her home.  Her home was gone.  This was just a house, somewhere to sleep and eat, but not a home.  Putting some water on to boil, she leaned against the counter.  A shiver ran down her spine.  Her mom had teased her that that was when a ghost walked though her.

Unbidden, a sob broke though.  Maybe there were still tears.  Sinking to the floor, she let them come.

* * *

 

_After the funeral of the lost SG members, Sam took Daniel to a quiet park.  They walked close by each other, in a comfortable silence.  When they found a bench by the still lake, Sam sat down and watched her friend as he wandered to the edge of the water.  His hands crammed into his pants pockets, as he so often did, he kicked at some stones.  Daniel had finally told her exactly what had happened on the failed mission.  She knew that he had come to terms with the fact that he had done everything that could he have to save them.  It still didn’t set well with his passionate soul.  He didn’t like losing a single life.  And when it was up to him to try and save one, not being able too was just too much to ask._

_Daniel turned back to Sam, going and sitting down with her.  He was pensive.  Distracted._

_“Daniel?” she asked, “what’s wrong?”_

_He was silent for a time.  Then looking into her eyes, he took her hand in his._

_“Sam, I’m going to tell you something I have been wanting to for several years now.”_

_Looking down and taking a steadying breath, he continued, “I love you!”_

_There, he said it aloud and to the person it was meant for.  “I have loved you since you came into my tent on Vis Uban.  I didn’t remember who I was or you were or anything else, but I knew the feelings that burst inside of me when I saw you.  When you spoke to me and smiled at me.  You were the only reason I came back here._

_“As the memories began to return, I realized that my feelings for you were not going to be reciprocated, so… I buried them, as deep down as I could, and tried to move on.”_

_He looked up into her face again._

_“After what happened on that mission, I couldn’t bare not telling you how I felt.  I didn’t think it fair to either of us.  I don’t expect anything from you.  And I truly hope this won’t come between us as friends.  I just needed to let you know.  I love you.  With all of my heart and soul.”_

_His eyes bright with unshed tears, his face a picture of absolute sincerity.  Sam’s heart broke the last barrier of defense down._

_Taking his head in her hands, she leaned in and kissed him.  Eyes wide with shock, Daniel paused for an eternity.  Then, as she continued the slow and progressively passionate kiss, Daniel melted into her arms, and responded.  Lips parting, tongues exploring, butterflies exploding in his stomach, he took up the kiss and expanded upon it._

_His touch, his taste, his smell, Sam had to have been comatose for the last several years to be unaware of this man.  Reluctantly, she pulled free of his lips, but only a few inches._

_“I love you, too, Daniel Jackson!”_

* * *

 

Curled into a ball, Sam watched the fire in the fireplace sputter and pop.  Sipping her tea she fell back into her memories.

* * *

 

_The night of their confession of love was spent at Daniel’s house.  They talked for hours.  All about their feelings, dreams, regrets.  It was comfortable and easy.  Snuggled close by each other, they continued the entire night._

_Very early in the morning, Daniel walked Sam to the door.  He took her hand in his._

_“Would you like to go to dinner with me?”_

_Sam giggled, “Are you asking me out on a date?”_

_“Well, um…I, I… I guess so.”_

_He was the picture of shyness.  Hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans, again.  He was embarrassed.  Sam loved the way he stammered when he was uncomfortable._

_“I feel like a couple of kids.”  She smiled warmly at him, “Yes, I would love to go out with you.”_

_That said, her mouth was on his in the last of the nights long, meaningful kisses.  He smiled bashfully at her._

_“I’ll pick you up at 6:00.  Okay?”_

_Nodding, Sam beamed at him.  This was just too good to be true._

* * *

 

Sam awoke, cold and alone.  The fire had long since gone out.  In the dark, it felt as if she were the only person on earth.  She got up and slowly walked into her bedroom.  All of her clean laundry was piled on the bed in a heap.  She left it that way these days.  She liked the feel of something soft on the bed with her as she slept.  Maybe she should get a cat.  Shaking her head, she burrowed under the covers and laundry, leaving only her nose exposed.

 

It had only been a month or so that she and Daniel were together, before…

* * *

 

_Stepping out from the restaurant door into the light spring rain, Samantha Carter was on cloud nine.  This was only the latest in a series of dates that they had been on.  Now she was sure that this was the man, whom only a few weeks ago realized she loved, was the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.  It was a long time in coming, and now she planned on soaking every minute up._

_Instead of running to the car like everyone else, Sam walked hand and hand with her love.  She was enjoying the rain.  Moreover, she was enjoying being with Daniel._

_Deliriously happy and soaking wet, Daniel and Sam entered his house.  The dinner was perfect.  The long walk in the rain even more so.  Why had they waited so long?  Daniel stared at Sam.  His eyes bright, deep and full of love.  Love only for her.  She felt her knees turn to butter.  He smiled, searching her face, memorizing each and every curve and contour._

_“You’re wet,” he murmured._

_“So are you.”_

_“I’ll get you something to change into.”_

_He turned to go when she caught his arm and pulled him around.  Standing on her tiptoes and pulling his head down to hers, she kissed him.  Lips parted as they continued with the only way they had expressed their love so far.  Pulling away, he saw her smiling seductively at him._

_“How about we just get undressed?”_

_The look of shock faded quickly, “But you’re shivering.”_

_“You can warm me up,” she whispered as she slowly pulled him towards his bedroom._

_“Sam, I…I don’t want to move to fast.  I don’t want to jeopardize this by rushing things.”_

_Still leading him, she stared into his eyes.  “Nothing will jeopardize this, Daniel.  I want you.  I need you.”_

_His heart just about leaped from his chest.  Gathering her up in his arms, he carried her the rest of the way into his bedroom.  Laying her gently on the bed he began to unbutton her blouse.  Taking his time and enjoying the way she squirmed with anticipation._

_Leaning in, he covered her mouth with his.  Hands caressing her now exposed skin.  Tracing the gentle line of her body, he took great pleasure in her low, needy moans._

_Sam tugged his shirt from his pant waist, wanting to feel his skin on hers.  She pulled at his hair, gasping for a breath.  Slowly he made his way down her neck with soft, intimate kisses.  Moving his hands in a skillful, artistic way, he unsnapped her bra and gently pulled it away.  Blouse and under garment now tossed aside, he looked at her._

_“Oh God!  You are so beautiful!”_

_Sam could feel her heart skip a beat when he said that.  It felt good to hear that she was desirable by a man.  Being military, the uniforms weren’t exactly made to show off the cleavage._

_She could tell that he was trying to make this moment linger, but his body was quivering with need.  She reached out and pulled his shirt off, adding it to hers on the floor.  The dim light from outside cast him in glorious shadows.  He seemed to be carved with such grace that Sam knew the artist was crying when he finished the work that was Daniel Jackson._

_He kneeled and began to pull Sam’s skirt down her long legs a millimeter at a time, kissing her each and every step of the way.  When that piece of clothing was discarded, he came up between her legs, exploring each curve and dimple.  His kisses came to her nether region and her breath caught in her throat._

_“Oh, god!” She moaned._

_Daniel felt a rush of longing and suddenly stood up to unbuckle his belt.  Sam sat up and caught his hands._

_“Let me,” her voice was low, provocative._

_Just to return the favor, she undid his pants as slowly and methodically as she could.  She glanced up and saw he had his head thrown back and his lower lip clamped firmly between his teeth.  She watched the rise and fall of his chest quicken as she pulled his zipper down.  His pants fell to the floor as soon as they were open.  She smiled to herself, noticing that they were at least a size to big for him._

_Then her eyes rested on the bulge that was pulling his boxer briefs tight.  Catching her breath, she knew the goose bumps that covered her skin had nothing to do with being cold.  She lovingly pulled the waist band out and released the man before her.  As the briefs slid down his muscular legs, Sam leaned in and kissed the head of his cock softly._

_The moan that Daniel let out echoed in her heart.  She knew that this was the most perfect moment of her life.  She was with the one she loved, body and soul.  Now, she had to have him even closer still.  Mouthing his erection with ever increasing pressure, Sam felt Daniel tense.  He took her head in his warm soft hands and laid her back onto the bed.  Coming down beside her, he let his fingers pave a path of pleasure into her most intimate area.  Bringing his mouth down onto her breast, he nibbled and suckled at her soft pert nipple.  Sam was just about beside herself with the need of him._

_“Daniel,” her voice barely a whisper, “I…  Please…”_

_Not wanting to make her beg, and not being able to hold off much longer, he rolled over on top of her.  Nestled between her legs, ever so carefully, he guided himself to the treasure he had wanted for so long.  Slowly, leisurely, he slid into her until he could go no further.  Sam wrapped her arms around his neck, her legs around his hips.  He looked deeply into her eyes, questioning, asking for permission to continue._

_Her smile was all he needed.  The rhythm seemed to be there waiting for their heads to catch up with their hearts.  It was as if they were made only for each other.  Anyone they had been with before, even Sha’re or Pete, paled to the love that was being made now._

_Worlds exploded._

_A long time later, exhausted, Daniel and Sam lay wrapped together.  Absent mindedly, Daniel stroked Sam’s hair.  He began to sing quietly to her.  She had never heard him sing.  As she listened, she tried to figure out what he was singing.  She knew the tune, but for the life of her, couldn’t recall it.  Plus the fact that he was singing in another language:_

_Aderyn du yn canu i mewn 'r farw chan nos_  
Chymer hyn 'n ddrylliog adenedd a ddysg at adeina  
Pawb 'ch buchedd  
Baech ond yn disgwyl am hon amrantun at chod  
  


_Aderyn du yn canu i mewn 'r farw chan nos_  
Chymer hyn 'n bantiog chreuau a ddysg at canfod  
Pawb 'ch buchedd  
Baech ond yn disgwyl am hon amrantun at bod rhyddha  
  


_Aderyn du adeina_  
Aderyn du adeina  
I mewn i 'r chyneua chan dywyllwch ddua nos  
  


_Aderyn du adeina_  
Aderyn du adeina  
I mewn i 'r chyneua chan dywyllwch ddua nos  
  


_Aderyn du yn canu i mewn 'r farw chan nos_  
Chymer hyn 'n ddrylliog adenedd a ddysg at adeina  
Pawb 'ch buchedd  
Baech ond yn disgwyl am hon amrantun at chod  
  


_Baech ond yn disgwyl am hon amrantun at chod_  
  


_Baech ond yn disgwyl am hon amrantun at chod_  
  


<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mo_DMGc2v5o>

 

_When he was quiet for awhile, Sam gazed into his face._

_“What were you singing?”_

_Daniel smiled at her.  “Blackbird by the Beatles.  My mom used to sing it to me at night when I was sad or lonely.  It always made me feel better.”_

_“What language were you using?”_

_“Welsh.  That’s how she sang it to me.  I sometimes have a hard time remembering how to sing it in English.”_

_He rolled onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow.  Looking deeply into her eyes, he grinned at her.  “Don’t you dare tell the others that I sang to you!”_

_Staring back at him, a light of playful evil shown in her eyes, “First thing Monday morning, I’m on the P.A. system.”_

_The briefest shadow of disappointment flashed a crossed his face.  Then, quite suddenly, Sam was begging for mercy as he found her tickle spot and relentlessly attacked.  One thing led to another, and the throws of passion engulfed them again._

_If there ever was the perfect moment in time, this was it._

* * *

 

Sam peeked out from under the blankets and looked at the clock on her nightstand.  It was only 2:00 in the morning.  She had to get some sleep.  Reaching over, she opened her nightstand drawer and pulled out the prescription sleeping pills.  Taking one, she yanked the blankets back over her head, willing a dreamless sleep to overtake her.

 

The sleep came, but with it, the dreams.

* * *

 

_The next few weeks were a blur after that first night of lovemaking.  They stayed close by each other as much as they could.  But their professionalism took center stage when they were at work._

_Cam noticed, however, that they were with each other more than usual.  He knew they were close, but this had a different vibe to it.  Neither one of them were doing anything wrong, so he just dismissed the thought._

_Vala, didn’t.  She could tell that something was up.  It didn’t take her long to notice the furtive glances.  The close proximity.  Even the occasional drifting hand under the mess hall tables.  At first she was angry.  This blonde harlot stole HER Daniel away.  But as she watched them, she knew that Daniel was never really hers.  And in true Vala fashion, she turned her sights to someone else._

_Two months of total happiness had passed for Sam and Daniel.  It was going so well that they even spoke of marriage.  That was the topic of conversation on the night the world ended._

_She and Daniel were walking back to his car.  They had just caught a movie and were planning on grabbing some take-out and heading back to his place.  It was a warm and quiet night._

_Suddenly, Daniel stopped.  His head cocked to one side.  He had heard something._

_Watching him with concern, Sam asked, “What?”_

_“Shhhh,” he lifted his finger._

_Then Sam heard it as well.  A muffled cry coming from nearby.  Daniel cautiously walked forward and peered around a corner into an ally.  There, in the dim light he saw three boys shoving and hitting a girl.  His blood flamed with fury.  Turning to Sam, he remembered they both had gotten out of the house without their cell phones._

_“Sam, go call the police,” he told her quietly._

_“Daniel, let me…_

_He cut her off, “Sam, please.  I know you can handle anything, but you need to get the police here.  I’ll just go and… you know, talk to them.  Maybe just seeing someone coming will scare them off.”_

_“Daniel…”_

_“I’ll be fine, Sam.  I promise I won’t do anything to aggravate them.  Hey, I have saved the world a few times, remember?”  He kissed her.  “Trust me.  I won’t leave you!”_

_With a determined look, he walked into the ally.  Sam hesitated only a moment, then ran across the street to a bookshop.  She burst in and asked for the phone._

_As soon as the dispatch operator told her that the police where on the way, she heard the shots.  Paralyzed, Sam looked out the window.  Three boys ran out of the ally at full speed._

_Dropping the phone, Sam raced out of the store and down the alley.  She skidded to a halt, searching the dark area.  She spotted a half naked girl cowering by a dumpster, staring at something to the left of Sam.  With a slow turn, she saw him._

_Daniel was laying on his stomach, facing away from her, a dark puddle seeping out from under him._

_Screaming his name, Sam ran to his side.  Tears burning on her face, she carefully rolled him onto his back.  Shaking, sobbing, her eyes couldn’t tear away from the bullet wound in his head.  Screams and sirens deafened her._

* * *

 

Waking in a cold sweat, Sam jumped up and ran to the bathroom.  She barely made it to the toilet before she vomited violently.  After the last of the heaves ended, she sat against the tub, crying yet again.  This was too much.  Too much sorrow for one lifetime.

The phone rang, breaking into her misery.  Painfully she stood up.  Every muscle in her stomach ached.  She sat down heavily on the bad and picked up the offensive ringing phone.

“Hello?”

Sam listened to the calling party, barley understanding what was being said.

“Excuse me?” she asked.

A pause.

“Are you sure of this?  I mean, not a question about it?”

Another pause.

“No, it’s okay.  Thank you.”

Sam hung up the phone in a complete daze.  She stood and walked out to the deck of her house.  She was in a dream.  She had to be in a dream.  Clamping her hands over her mouth, she laughed and cried at the same time.  Staring out over the placid ocean, she shuddered.

“Oh, Daniel,” she cried through her fingers, “you just couldn’t let me live alone and in pain could you.  You knew, somehow you knew I would need you to get me through this.”

Looking up to the sky, she smiled at the intensely blue reminder of her beloved’s eyes.

“We’re going to have a baby,” she sobbed, “You didn’t leave me alone.  We’re going to have a baby.”

Wrapping her arms around herself she closed her eyes.  A warm breath of air caressed her cheek.  Daniel was with her.  Just as he promised he would be.


	2. Chapter Two - Crystal

The morning was a whirlwind of activity.  Sam Carter was everywhere at once it seemed.  She had received a phone call earlier that morning, letting her know she was pregnant.  At first, she was shocked.  Now she knew that she had a lot of work ahead of her.

First and foremost, she had to get to the rehabilitation center.  There was someone she had to tell.

* * *

 

_Two months ago, Sam was the happiest woman on the earth.  She had found her hearts true love in her best friend, Daniel Jackson.  They had known each other since Col. O’Neill informed the new commander of the Stargate Program ten years ago, that Jackson was alive and living on the planet Abydos._

_When Sam first met him, she immediately took to him, as a fellow scientist and explorer.  At that time, however, he was married.  So, their relationship melded into that of the closest of friends._

_A lot has happened since then.  And a lot of changes in feelings occurred also.  Sam never really investigated those feelings.  Daniel was her best friend and brother.  But somewhere in the last four years, that began to grow into something more for Daniel.  Sam was a little slower in realizing it._

_When Daniel finally told her that he loved her, she was just beginning to admit that she was also in love with him._

_It had been the most remarkable two months in her life.  Daniel was the quintessential gentleman.  Insisting that even though they had known each other for ten years, had been through hell and back countless times, they were going to do things right.  Starting with a date and progressing from there._

_It seemed that all was in order in the universe.  Daniel asked Sam to marry him.  Everything was perfect._

_Two hours later, Daniel was lying in a pool of his own blood, having been shot in the head by a teenage boy.  He had gone into an ally to help a young girl that three boys were knocking around.  Daniel told Sam to call the police while he tried to talk to the boys and calm the situation down._

_Ever the peacemaker, Daniel just wouldn’t see that sometimes, talk is not the best way to go about disarming a gunman.  No matter how old they were._

* * *

 

Sam couldn’t believe how much her spirit had lifted since hearing the news of her pregnancy.  Even with all that had been relived the night before, she couldn’t help but be overjoyed.  She also knew that this news would be the turning point she needed to help her brake through the darkness.

The drive to the recovery center was the longest fifteen minutes of her life.  She just couldn’t wait.

As she walked into the home, the receptionist looked up and greeted her, “You are looking awfully chipper this morning Dr. Carter,” she smiled.

“I had some good news given to me earlier.”

“Do share!”

“Not yet.  I have to tell someone else first.”

The older woman smiled knowingly at Sam as she signed in and picked up her badge.

All of the staff seemed to sense the happiness radiating from Sam.  She tried to dodge them as politely as possible.  She just wanted to get to her destination.

As she pushed the door to the room open a nurse was on her way out.

“Dr. Carter,” she gasped, startled.  “I wasn’t expecting you here until this afternoon.  Is everything all right?”

“Yes, Anne Marie.  I just needed to see him right away,” Sam replied, trying to step aside the nurse.

“Dr. Carter,” Anne Marie lowered her voice, “he is still unresponsive.  How much longer do you think you should put yourself through this?”

It was said in concern for Sam, but She had to breathe deeply to beat down the anger that was bubbling up inside her.

“As long as it takes, Anne Marie,” she replied evenly.  “I believe that what I have to tell him today will be the first step in reaching him.  Now, if you will excuse us, please.”

The nurse smiled tightly and stepped aside.  Sam nodded and entered the darkened room.

As she approached the bed, her breath caught in her throat.  She hated seeing her love, her best friend in all the world, her Daniel, in this condition.  In retrospect, she should be used to it.  But now it was different.  He was _her_ Daniel.  And he needed to come back to her.

Standing by the bed, she took Daniel’s hand in hers.  She began to brush the hair off his forehead, smiling slightly.

“Daniel,” Sam whispered, “I have something to tell you.  I know you can hear me; you need to find your way back.  Now more than ever.”

Pausing, Sam leaned over him and kissed him lightly on the cheek.  “Daniel, we’re going to have a baby.”

She watched his face closely, looking for any signs of acknowledgment.  Nothing.  Not even an eye flutter.

“Daniel, please…” Sam quietly pleaded.  “I need you.  _We_ need you.  You are going to be a father in six months.  Please come back to us.”

She was so sure this would bring him around almost instantly.  Hoping, wishing.  Maybe she was deluding herself.  Maybe Anne Marie was right.

No!

No, she was not!

Sam would not let any of them be right.  Daniel was a fighter.  For crying out loud, he’d already died half a dozen times.  He must have at least three more lives to use up.  Provided he was a cat.  Plus he didn’t die this time.  It was a complete miracle that he didn’t.

The bullet hit him on the right side of his head and lodged in his skull.  The shot was not aimed.  Had it been, he would definitely have been killed.

* * *

 

_The girl told Sam that the boys did get scared when he came down the alley.  He tried to talk to them, even offered them some money to go and get something to eat.  Two of the boys wanted to leave.  The one that ended up shooting him was not so receptive.  He got in Daniel’s face.  Started pushing him around and yelling insults at him.  The young girl watched, terrified.  She cried in Sam’s arms at the hospital as she told her what Daniel did._

_Keeping his voice even and unthreatening, Daniel asked if he could help resolve the situation without anyone getting hurt._

_“Come on guys, do you really think this is the way have fun?” Daniel questioned them, keeping his hands held up in a peaceful gesture._

_“What the fuck do you care, asshole!”  The older boy was obviously the one calling all the moves.  “Get the fuck outta here and mind your own business!”_

_“Okay, okay.  I’ll go,” Daniel replied, then moving slowly towards the girl he added, “but not without the girl.  I’m not going to let you hurt her.”_

_“Bullshit!  You ain’t touchin’ that bitch.  No one tells me I can’t have whatever piece of tail I want!  The whore thinks she owns me… Don’tcha bitch?”_

_Daniel could tell that the other two were getting nervous._

_“Come on, Paz.  Let’s go.  She ain’t nuttin’.  Just drop it, brah…”  The smaller of the two wanna-be thugs whined._

_“Paz, is it?  That’s a great street name.  How’d you get it?” Daniel asked, trying to inch towards the girl and keep the boys, especially Paz, just off balance enough until the cops showed up._

_The kid laughed, he knew what Daniel was doing, “Fuck you, asshole!!  Who do you think you are?  You ain’t wearin’ tights, can’t be a superhero.  Maybe ya got’em under your clothes,” Paz smirked and looked all around the ally, “ain’t no phone booth here.  Must be a real bitch for you superhero types with everyone havin’ cell phones now.  And speakin’ of cell phones, I’m guessin’ you ain’t got one, that’s why you ain’t called the cops.”_

_“No, but my girlfriend is calling them now.  You seem pretty smart.  I mean, you got your own crew and by the looks of your clothes and watch, you know how to take care of yourself.  You leave right now, without the girl, and I’ll have a sudden case of amnesia when the cops get here.”  Taking a step towards the boy, Daniel lowered his hands and added, “Or better yet, you let the girl go, and you can beat the shit out of me.  Okay?  I won’t even defend myself.  What do you say?”_

_The briefest look of confusion flashed a crossed Paz’s face.  Then he turned and smiled at the other boys.  Even though Daniel was a good bit taller and had at least 15 pounds on the kid, he still looked like a geek._

_“You a fuckin’ idiot, ya know that?”_

_“Yeah, my best friend never lets me forget it,” Daniel mumbled._

_Before the girl could scream a warning, Paz pulled a gun from behind him and shoved it into Daniel’s face._

_The SG-1 team member’s training kicked in automatically.  He grabbed the boy’s wrist and twisted the gun out of his hand.  Shoving him away, Daniel raised the gun up in his hand, holding it not as a weapon, but as acknowledgment that he had it, and could use it if he needed too._

_All three boys went white with shock.  Then they all heard the sirens blaring.  The youngest boy took off running.  Paz grabbed a gun that was in the other boy’s belt and fired at Daniel._

_Daniel didn’t even see the gun come up._

* * *

 

Shaking her head to bring herself back to the present, Sam went about her daily routine with him.  Brushing his hair, shaving him.  She fussed at the nurse’s aide about his needing a haircut.

Always she spoke with him.  Telling him what was going on.  Relating any news she’d heard from the SGC.  Even sitting and reading to him for hours out of various archaeology magazines.  Anything to guide him home.

The whole day, Sam was hoping that by continuing to tell him about the baby, he would show her somehow that he understood.  It was close to 7:00 in the evening when the night shift nurse came in.

“Dr. Carter, have you been here all day?”

“Yes,” Sam sighed.  “I was really hoping that today would be the day I could break through,” Sam was near tears, but pushed them away.

The nurse came over to her and gave her arm a small squeeze.  “When my dad was in an accident, he was in a coma for several weeks.  My mother would not entertain the idea that he wouldn’t come back to us.  She sat by him every day, just like you have.  The day before he woke up she had tried something a little different.  She brought in a bunch of candles, some of the flowers that he loved from our garden, and a homemade apple pie.”  The nurse paused and smiled at the memory.  “The thing that I think really pulled him back, though, was when she started singing his favorite song.  The next morning when she got to his room, he was awake and smiling.”

Giving Sam a hug, she whispered, “Don’t give up.  He wants to come home to you as much you want him too.”

The nurse left the room, giving Sam and Daniel their space.

Staring at his face, Sam sat on the edge of his bed.  She took his hand in hers and leaned down to kiss his lips.  “Goodnight, my love,” she whispered, “I’ll be back in the morning.  Please keep fighting, Daniel.  Please come home to meet your child.”

One last kiss for the night, and she left to go back to her house.

On the way home Sam turned the radio on, thinking maybe it would inspire her with something for Daniel.  She was almost home when a requested song began to play.  Turning it up she listened to the words and started to cry.  She wasn’t sure why it affected her like that, but just knew this was what she wanted to learn for him.

Turning into her driveway, she was greeted with a surprise.  There, sitting in the back of a truck, was Jack O’Neill, Cam Mitchell, and Teal’c.  Hastily wiping her face, she jumped out of the car and ran into their open arms.

It was the most wonderful, four-way hug she had in a long time.  The levee broke.  She couldn’t hold back the tears.

“What are you guys doing here?”  She laughed as she went to each of them and hugged them individually.

“Well, if you don’t want us, we could go…” Jack smirked.

She slapped his arm, “NO!  Of course, I don’t want you to go.”

Leading them up to the house, she continued to beam at them.

“You know, I could have you up on charges for striking a superior officer,” O’Neill held the door open for all of them to go inside.

“Sorry, _Jack,_ ” Sam replied making sure he noticed that she had used his first name, “not in the military any more, remember?”

Making a great show of slapping his forehead he said, “Oh, yeah.  I keep forgetting.  Pity.”

Setting down with her old teammates, Sam felt better then she had since that fateful night two months ago.

Deciding to break the silence, Jack fixed Sam with a serious stare.  “We’ve sorta came here with an agenda, Carter.  It’s something important.”

Feeling an instant foreboding welling up inside her, she shifted uncomfortably in her chair.  With a nod from Cam and Teal’c, Jack steeled himself for what he figured was going to be a very short discussion.

“Carter, I’m taking back the command at the SGC.  General Landry has retired and the President has asked me personally to take over.  Things have not been really good there since…” he paused, not sure how to delicately finish, “since you and Daniel have been gone.  So, I’m here to ask you, as a favor to me, to come out of retirement and rejoin the SGC.”

Mitchell nodded his head emphatically, “We really need you back, Sam.”

The request was like a ton of bricks falling out of the air.  The three men sat quietly, expectantly.  She looked at each of them, noticing the mixture of anticipation and dread.

“I… I, I don’t know what to say,” she answered quietly.  “This is coming completely from left field.”

“You don’t have to answer us now, Carter,” Cam said to her.  “We’re going to stick around a few days.”

“Indeed, it is a request that will need your careful consideration, Colonel Carter,” Teal’c inclined his head slightly to her.  “We would not expect you to answer right away.”

Shaking her head and kneading her hands together, she debated on telling them _no_ right then.  But something kept her from doing that.  She _had_ really missed being with the SGC.  Missed the camaraderie, the family of SG-1.  Hell, she missed the long hours of mind racking work hunched over some new alien technology.

But what about Daniel.  She brought him out here because this was the best recuperation home in the States.  She resigned so that she could be with him and help him recover when he woke up.  And now, she had to think of the fact that she was pregnant.  There would be no way Jack would let her go off world now.  So, what would the point be?

She looked at each of the men that meant so much to her.  Knowing that right now she could really use the support of friends… or whether family, how could she say no?

“Look,” Jack broke into her thoughts, “it’s late.  We need to go and find a motel.  We’ve been driving for twenty-two hours and we’re pretty wiped.”

“Don’t go,” Sam told them a little stronger then she had meant to.  “You guys can stay here.  I’ve got plenty of room.  It will be nice to have someone around for a few days.”

Three sets of eyes glanced around at each other, gauging various reactions.

“If it would be no trouble for you, Colonel Carter.  We will be happy to stay with you here,” Teal’c answered for all of them.

Sam smiled warmly at him, “It would be no trouble at all.  At least not until you guys want to eat.  It’s slim pickings here right now.”

Cam stood up, “Me and Teal’c will go into town and rustle us up some grub, Sam.”  Turning to the Jaffa he slapped his arm, “Come on T.  I’ll drive.”

Once they left, Jack turned to Sam.  He knew that something was amiss.  “What is it, Sam?”

Taking a deep breath, she met his eyes, “Jack, I’m pregnant.”

Stunned silence.

Sam watched her former CO closely.  His face was carved granite.  She couldn’t read it at all.

“Sir?” she reverted back to her customary address of O’Neill, “Sir, did you…”

“I heard you, Carter.  I just…  Pregnant?  You sure?”

“Yes, sir.  Two months.”

“Wow.  Congratulations… Wow,” Jack stammered.  “Have you told Daniel?”

“Today.  I just found out today.”  She turned away from him, feeling the emotions rising to the surface.  “I really thought that telling him would bring him back.  But, there was no reaction.”

Throwing an arm over her shoulder, he could feel her sobs coming in earnest.  “You’re sure you’re pregnant?  Maybe it’s just indigestion.”

Sam couldn’t help but choke out a laugh.

“He’ll come around, Sam.  Daniel can’t stay away for long.  He’s like a bad penny,” Jack told her quietly.  “Every time I think I’m finally rid of that colossal pain in my ass, he shows up again—” narrowing his eyes, Jack added, “and he’s usually naked.  What’s up with that?”

Sam laughed at the memory of Jack pulling the SGC flag off the poll and handing it to Daniel.  As Daniel stepped from Jack’s office with it wrapped around his waist, it took everything in her power not to fall over laughing.

Pulling herself together she asked, “What would I do with Daniel?”

“He’ll come back with you if you decide to return to the SGC.  He could room with Teal’c.  Couple of party animals.  Just kidding.  I’ll have a private room made up for him and get any and all specialist to work on his case.”

Sam took a steadying breath.  She looked up at the General.

“I will have to think long and hard about returning, sir.  Right now, my whole life is centered around reaching Daniel.  And now, I have to also think about this life within me.  I’m not sure if adding all the chaos of the SGC would be smart.  But having you guys around, even for this little bit of time, has made me realize how much I’ve missed the support and friendship.”

Jack took a deep breath and sighed, “Look, Carter, I really wanted you to come back and be a part of SG-1 again.  But with you being… you know,” he waved his hand at her stomach, “how about coming back and heading up our science and technology department.  You stay on base.  No-off world missions.  Would you consider that a little more optimistically?”

She was quiet for a long moment.  Leaning back and looking at her friend she nodded.  “Yes.  I would seriously think on that.”

“Good.”

After Cam and Teal’c got back loaded with groceries, they all had a great meal and great time talking, laughing, being together.  Sam set them up in the two spare rooms she had and hugged them good night.

Right before she left for her room, Jack stopped her.  “Can I see Daniel tomorrow?”

“Sure.  He’d like that.” She said with a sad smile, then headed off to bed.

* * *

 

In the peace and quiet of her room, Sam took her laptop to the bed and began looking for sheet music on the web for the song she heard on the radio.  When she found it, Sam thought to herself, _this is silly.  I haven’t played in years.  There’s no way Daniel would respond._

Still, she had to try.  Getting up and pulling a case from under her bed, she carefully opened it to revel a beautiful, dark wood guitar.  Taking it out and settling back on the bed, she tuned it.  Slowly, looking at the laptop screen, she started to play.

It was well after two in the morning when her fingers protested enough to make her stop.  She didn’t play well, and knew she hated her voice, but it was for Daniel and she hoped it would work.

* * *

 

Jack drove her to the home after they all had breakfast together.  Cam and Teal’c remained behind, not wanting to overwhelm Daniel with a lot of visitors.  Jack noticed that Sam packed a guitar case in the back of his truck.  He turned to her, “I heard music last night.  Was that you?”

A flash of red warmed her face.  “Sorry.  I had hoped you couldn’t hear me.  It’s just something I want to try with Daniel.”

Jack nodded and was quiet for a moment.  “Well, it will either help him, or… drive him further…”

“One more word and **you** will need a doctor!” she grinned at him.

Sam and Jack walked into the reception room and signed in.  The glances of all the nurses amused Jack.

“Guess they’re not use to seeing you with another man, huh?”

She smirked at him, “They are not use to seeing me with anyone.”

When they reached Daniel’s room, Jack hung back for awhile to let her go in and say good morning.  He was nervous.  He wasn’t very good with the bedside comfort stuff.  He should be, considering how much practice he’s had.  Especially with Daniel.

Sam came out and told him to go on in.

“You’re not coming too?” he asked.

Shaking her head, she replied, “No, you can talk to him alone.  Too much noise would confuse him anyway.”

A small smile flickered across his face, then he turned and walked in.

Jack hated hospitals.  And he hated seeing his friends in hospitals.  He hated all the wires and tubes, the constant beeps and smell of disinfectant.  It was just too damn sterile.

As he approached, he desperately tried to think of something to say to his friend.

“Hey, Danny.”

Well, that was lame.

Taking a deep breath, he looked down on the quiet face of the one man he could truly say he cared for.

“Danny, you in there somewhere?  You need to come back.  Sam misses you.  We all do.”

Feeling foolish, Jack started to play with some of the wires leading from the machines.

“You know I’ve never been any good at this.  How ’bout you throw me a bone here.”

Still no reaction.  He couldn’t understand how Carter could do this every day for two months.  It would drive him nuts.  It was _already_ driving him nuts.

Time for a tactical change.  Daniel was never one for subtlety.

“All right, Daniel.  Enough is enough,” he growled at the young man.  “You’ve got a beautiful woman pining for you.  A kid on the way.  Friends all over this freakin’ universe, and can’t bother to wake up?”

Jack tried to keep the growing anger from his voice, “so what?  You got some hunk of rock with scribbles on it inside that melon of yours?  Or are you waiting to see if anyone’s gonna curl up and die because you’re not around?  Come on, _Danny,_ been there, done that.  It’s time to snap outta this!”

He started to walk away then stopped.  Turning back he rushed over to the bed and got right up into Daniel’s face, “Now you listen to me, boy.  I loved Carter long before you had any inclinations that she was a woman.  But I knew it wouldn’t have worked between us.  When she told me that you two were together, I just about jumped on the earliest plane from D.C. to come back and kick your ass.

“After a few shots of J.D., I realized that it was actually the best thing that could have happened for her.  For both of you.  Now you go and pull this bullshit?!

“Nah ah, Danny boy.  You will not leave her to pick up the pieces of your scattered brained life.  I will not let you do that to her again.”

Voice choked with emotions that he would not allow to surface, Jack took Daniel’s shoulders in his hands and shook him none to gently.  “I will not let you destroy Samantha Carter!  Do you hear me?”

Sam rushed in when she heard Jack’s raised angry voice.  She stopped short when she saw him pulling away from Daniel.  He looked at her once, then stormed out of the room.

She was about to go after him and demand to know what he was doing, when the EKG monitor began to beep an increase in Daniel’s heart rate.  She ran over to him looking for signs that he was coming around.  The nurse came in also and started going through the readouts.

“Daniel?  Can you hear me?”  Sam whispered.

Then the EKG settled back to its normal cadence.  Sam looked to the nurse, searching for some conformation that he had reacted to whatever Jack had said.

“He started to, but I think he’s slipped back,” the nurse said with a sad smile, and left quietly.

Sam’s head dropped onto his chest.  Clinging to the blankets of the bed, she let herself collapse against him.  She was beginning to wonder how much more heartache she would be able to take.  Her head down and eyes closed, Sam silently whispered a prayer to anyone that was listening.  A slight breeze ruffled her hair and she looked up in surprise.  Nothing had changed.  The windows weren’t open.  Then she noticed Daniel’s finger petting the back of her hand.  Only for an instant, but Sam knew that he was there, and that he was trying.

* * *

 

An hour later Sam went in search of O’Neill.  She found him sitting in his truck, staring at a couple of photos.  She walked up beside the driver’s door and looked at the pictures.  One was of he, his ex-wife and son at a happier time.  The other was of herself, Teal’c, Daniel and Jack all standing at the base of the ramp in front of the Stargate.  Both photos showed smiling faces, full of life and love.

“Jack, what happened?” she asked laying her hand on his arm.

“Ah, Carter, you know me.  Never had much of a bedside manner,” he answered.

Cramming the photos in the glove box, he turned to her, “You ready to go home?”

“No.  I want to stay here for a while longer,” she looked at him curiously, “Sir, what did you say to Daniel?”

Jack shifted in his seat.  “Told him he was being an asshole.  You sure you don’t want to go home?”

“You can go, I’ll call a cab.”

“Suit yourself,” that said, Jack started the truck, and drove away.

* * *

 

Sam grabbed some lunch in the cafeteria.  When she finished, she headed back to Daniel’s room.  Closing the door and dimming the lights, she went about setting up her laptop and guitar.

Not really sure why she felt so embarrassed, she murmured an apology to him.

“I’m not that good of a singer, Daniel.  And I haven’t played for a long time.  It was just a suggestion that maybe music would help guide you home.

“Remember the night we first made love?  You sang to me.  It was the most beautiful thing.  I’ve drifted off to sleep many times with your voice… those words… that song, playing in my head.  I won’t be able to sing for you in any other language, but I know you won’t mind.”

Taking a deep breath, Sam began to play quietly.

 

_Do you always trust your first initial feeling?_  
Special knowledge holds truth bears believing  
I turned around and the water was closing all around  
Like a glove, like the love that had finally, finally found me  
  
Then I knew in the crystalline knowledge of you  
Drove me through the mountains  
Through the crystal like clear water fountain  
Drove me like a magnet to the sea  
  
How the faces of love have changed turning the pages  
And I have changed oh, but you, you remain ageless  
I turned around and the water was closing all around  
Like a glove, like the love that had finally, finally found me  
  
Then I knew in the crystalline knowledge of you  
Drove me through the mountains  
Through the crystal like clear water fountain  
Drove me like a magnet to the sea

_<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Of6OYicAQFI> _

As Sam finished the last chords, she sighed.  She didn’t want to look at him.  Didn’t want to see that yet again, he stayed away.  Steeling herself for the heartache, she glanced up, and gasped.  There, in the dim light, was a pair of deep, shinning blue eyes staring at her.

“Daniel?” she whispered.

He blinked his eyes once, then closed them.  The deep sigh he gave was more beautiful to her then the sweetest tune.

The shock of the moment had paralyzed her.  Then she jumped from her chair and went to his side.  Taking his hand in hers she leaned close.

“Daniel?”  Her voice hoarse, “Danny?  Please…  Please open your eyes again.”

She waited as her heart seem to have stopped beating.  Or rather it was travelling up into her throat.  Even though only a few seconds had passed, it felt like an eternity.

“Please, Daniel…”

A movement.  She watched him closely.  A flutter of his eyelids, then he opened them and looked at her again.

Gasping a cry and laugh, Sam wrapped her arms around him, holding him close.  She backed away, but only slightly, and stared into his eyes.  Though he was looking directly at her, she could tell that he wasn’t all the way back just yet.  Confusion and fear were on the surface of those clear blues, pain, and sadness under that.

“Daniel, I have to get the doctor, okay.  I’ll only be a minute.  Will you stay awake for me?”

He just stared, blinking slowly.  As Sam stood up to leave, she heard a very faint whimper.  Looking at him, she saw a single tear escape.

“Oh, Daniel, it’s alright.  I’ll be right back,” she felt him trying to squeeze her hand.

Her tears were flowing freely.  Happy, relieved, scared.  It dawned on her to use the nurse call button.

She reached over Daniel and pressed the red button.  His eyes followed her every movement.  Her heart broke seeing the absolute fear on his face.  She began to pet him gently.  Running her fingers through his hair, tracing the contour of his jaw line.  He leaned into the touch and closed his eyes again.

“No, no, no, Daniel.  Stay with me, baby,” she pleaded with him.

Just then, the nurse came in.

“Get the doctor, quick.  He’s awake,” Sam urgently told her.

Startled, the nurse turned and left.

“We’re going to get through this, Daniel.  Both of us.  There is nothing you and I can’t do when we put our heads together.”

She kissed him gently and watched as he opened his eyes again.  The faintest look of recognition appeared on his face, and a very slight upward turn of his lips flickered briefly.

Sam smiled back at him, snuggled close and sang softly, “ _How the faces of love have changed turning the pages.  And I have changed oh, but you, you remain ageless…_ ”

Humming the rest of the song to him, she felt a new sensation.  A warm, tingling radiating from her womb.  An overwhelming feeling of peace embraced her.

The road ahead may be long and hard, but at least, they… the three of them, would be together.


	3. Chapter Three – Ice Cream

A few weeks after Daniel awoke from the coma; Sam was unsure if he would ever truly be back to being the Daniel she knew and loved.

There had been considerable blood loss and his brain had been deprived of oxygen for several minutes, causing hypoxic-anoxia.  But Sam wouldn’t entertain the idea of brain damage.  Not Daniel.  Not this brilliant man.

Now that he was awake, she could no longer brush aside the fact that he may indeed, never fully recover.  She tried her absolute best never to let him see the sadness or fear she had for him, feeling it would be detrimental to his recovery.

The first few days were awkward for her.  Trying to teach a grown and somewhat obstinate man how to feed himself, proved more difficult than her Air Force basic training.  She had to help him move his hands to hold a fork, teach him to drink from a cup and worst of all, how to relieve himself without making a mess.  Sam knew after the first day of this, why she never had any interest in going into medicine.  But for Daniel, the love of her heart and soul, she would walk over burning coals barefoot.

Though it was slow going, there were small victories.  Daniel seemed to recognize Sam now.  The doctor, however, told her that may only be because she was there all the time, and not from before his injury.  It took all the will power she had not to strangle the doctor where he stood.

Daniel’s muscle control was improving slowly.  The day that Sam walked into his room and he gave her a shy smile first time, she burst into tears.  Feeling bad when she realized that, that had scared him, Sam spent the rest of the day reassuring him that his smile was the most wonderful thing that she had seen in a long time.

From that day on, there were even more progress.  Sam was elated when Daniel identified all the letters of the alphabet with his occupational therapist.  It seemed like such a trivial thing for a linguist, but Sam knew that this was a big step in his recovery.  He still wasn’t talking, which bothered her, but the doctor assured that he would speak when he was ready.

Physically Daniel was getting stronger.  He began walking with minimal assistance, plus dressing and feeding himself with no help at all.  As a month and a half passed since Daniel woke up, Sam began to seriously consider moving back to Colorado and taking General O’Neill up on his offer of rejoining the SGC.

She was now four months pregnant and in real need of her friends.  Working with Daniel was taking its toll on her.  She was not gaining the weight that she needed to be and her doctor was adamant that she sleeps more.

Daniel was to be one of the first patients at the new _Air Force Academy Mental and Behavioral Center._  It was a facility created primarily for soldiers suffering from PTSD and other mental trauma, and was on the Air Force Academy grounds so it was close to the Cheyenne Mountain complex.  It was a state of the art facility staffed with personal that knew how to work with veterans and the hurt that war causes.

After final arrangements were made with the military and all the security measures taken into account, Sam told Daniel that they were going home.  She wasn’t really sure if he understood her, but when she started packing away his belongings, his mood changed.

Daniel was confused and scared.  He began to withdraw and was very irritable.  Sam would tell him every day that they were going back to where his friends were waiting for him.  Back to one of the few places he had actually called home.

Daniel was reluctant to leave as the rehabilitation center was the only place he really knew.  He liked his physical and occupational therapist, and he would sit outside for hours on the center grounds coloring.  Daniel had been an excellent artist and Sam hoped the coloring was a sign that his ability would returned.

The day of the move, Sam came into a scene of chaos.  Daniel was tearing his room apart.  He was throwing anything he could get his hands on to.  The noises that came from him were feral.

Sam rushed in to try and calm him down.  There was already one orderly with a bloody nose.  The doctor was getting ready to sedate Daniel.  Sam had hoped that they wouldn’t have to resort to that.  When she walked in, she went right up to Daniel and grabbed his face.

“Daniel!” she said sternly, “Calm down.”

For an instant, he froze.  His eyes wild and frightened.  Letting out an unearthly howl he shoved Sam away from him hard.  As she hit the ground the orderlies took advantage of his being off balanced.  Rushing him, they knocked Daniel to the floor and the doctor was able to administer the sedative.

“Don’t hurt him!”  Sam screamed.

A nurse came in and helped Sam up.  A nice bruise was already forming on the side of her head where she had fallen into an upturned table.

Regaining her feet, Sam quickly went to Daniel’s side.  He was huddled in the corner, whimpering and digging his fingernails into his arm.  Tears were streaming down his face.  As Sam knelt down beside him, she reached out to stop his scratching.

“Daniel,” She whispered, “it will be alright.  I’m going with you.  We’re going home, baby.  Everything will be fine, I promise.”

Daniel wouldn’t look her in the eyes.  Swaying his head like a wounded animal, he continued to whimper.  Sam took his face in her hands to still him.

Her touch seemed to do the trick.  Between the sedative and her hands, he finally calmed down enough for an orderly to help him up.  Sam led him to the waiting wheelchair and gently lowered him in.  When the orderlies started to put restraints on his arms she looked up at them in shock.

“What are you doing?!”

“It’s for his own good, Dr. Carter,” the physician told her.

“How could this possible be good for him?”  Sam knew deep down that it was probably for the best, but she wouldn’t bring herself to admit it.  She had flashbacks of a few other times Daniel had to be put in restraints.

Once, when he had become addicted to the affects of a Goa’uld sarcophagus and was forced to quit cold turkey.  Then at another time, all of them, including herself, thought he had become schizophrenic.  And later, he had twelve separate personalities downloaded into his head and one of them was quite violent.

“Dr. Carter… Samantha.  What would happen if he suddenly lost control while you were in flight?  Dr. Jackson may look like he is recovering quickly, but that is only the physical aspect.  He’s not doing as well… mentally or emotionally.”

The doctor’s tone was one of concern for Sam, but in her mind, the words that were ringing in deafening clarity were; _not doing as well mentally or emotionally_.

With a nod to the nurses, indicating to take Daniel out, he told them, “Get his arm cleaned up and make sure that the med kit has more sedative for their trip.”

The young doctor then ushered Sam to the only chair that wasn’t overturned.  He righted a stool and sat in front of her.  With a deep sigh, he began to tell her exactly what Daniel was going through.

“Samantha, what Daniel is experiencing is called _Broca’s Aphasia_.  The type he seems to be experiencing is called non-fluent aphasia.  Some people that have had damage to the frontal lobe of the brain often have this problem.  They frequently speak in short phrases that make sense but are produced with great effort.  They sometimes omit small words such as _is_ , _and_ , and _the_.  For instance, he may say, _walk dog_ , meaning, _I will take the dog for a walk_ , or _book book two table_ , for _There are two books on the table_.  People with Broca's aphasia usually understand the speech of others reasonably well.  Because of this, they are often aware of their difficulties and can become easily frustrated and are more prone to depression.  Daniel is aware of his deficiencies, but can’t do anything about them.

“With a traumatic brain injury like his, behavior problems will also surface.  Sudden acts of aggression towards himself or others, explosive anger, non-compliance, even tantrums and crying.  Daniel is showing signs of depression, paranoia, agitation, and insomnia that are very common with TBI.”

Seeing the misery on Sam’s face, the doctor spoke again, “There is still a chance he will recover a good portion of his former abilities.  But in truth, Samantha, I really wouldn’t give it any more than 1 in 1,000 probability.  I am truly sorry, but you need to understand… this is going to be a very hard recovery for him… and you.”

* * *

 

As Sam rethought all the information the doctor had told her, the ambulance ride to the airport passed quickly.  Daniel was asleep on the gurney beside her, and she smiled at him.  His face was calm, peaceful, almost angelic.  He looked like a child, resting without a care in the world.  She knew it was the sedative.  Still, it was nice to watch him sleep.  Away from all the troubles and worries.  If only she could do that too.

Once at the airport, they were transferred to a private C-130 troop carrier, complements of General O’Neill.  On board, another surprise greeted her.

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Capitan speaking.  I would like to welcome you on board the USAF 61-373 C-130E _“City of Jackson”_.  We will be leaving shortly for the wild blue yonder.  Please make sure your seatbelts are fastened and trays are in the upright and locked position.  We will be arriving in Colorado Springs in approximately two hours.  Sit back, relax, and enjoy some peanuts.”

The familiar voice of Jack O’Neill warmed Sam’s heart.  She headed to the cockpit to see him.  When she got there, not only was Jack flying, but Cameron Mitchell was co-pilot.  Laughing, she hugged both men.

“I’m so happy to see you guys!”

Jack grinned at her, “You think I would let you in a plane with just any old flyboy?  Not a chance!”

“Besides, he’s been itchin’ to get behind the stick of a good old fashion, run of the mill, aircraft again,” Mitchell smirked.

“Oh, yeah.  It’s such a pain in the ass to fly those alien hybrid, interstellar pieces of crap,” Carter replied with a laugh.  Yet another thing she missed greatly.  Pushing the limit in an F-302.

“We’ve got clearance to take off.  Better go and strap in.  Make sure Danny Boy is locked up tight also,” Jack told Sam.

She nodded and headed to the back.  Pulling on the straps that held Daniel’s stretcher in place, Sam sat down beside him, taking his hand in hers, “Here we go, Danny.  We’ll be home soon.”

The first part of the trip was uneventful.  Jack came back and sat with her for awhile.  They spoke about her return to the SGC.  He couldn’t wait to have her back in the fold.

Throwing an arm over her shoulders and giving Sam a friendly squeeze, Jack smiled warmly at her.  Neither of them noticed that they were being watched by a pair of angry blue eyes.

Sam questioned him about the arrangements he made for Daniel.

“You guys will be staying on base for a week or two.  I’ve got three rooms for you to share.  One as your living quarters, another for Daniel’s therapy, and the last one just for him to bum around in.”

“The new Center isn’t ready yet?”

“It’s close, they just haven’t gotten all the permits yet.  Daniel will have a recovery team on base for him.  Maybe some of them will move to the center also once he’s moved to that facility, I'm not sure.”

“That sounds gre…”

A shear, agonized howl sliced through the air, causing both O’Neill and Carter to jump.  They saw Daniel thrashing and kicking at his restraints.  He screamed as he tried with all his strength to break free of the straps.

Fearing he was going to hurt himself, Jack grabbed the struggling man by the shoulders, as Sam went for the med kit.  She extracted one of the sedative shots and went back to the men.

“Daniel!” O’Neill shouted, still trying to hold him down.  He couldn’t believe how strong Jackson still was after waking from a two-month coma.  He guessed the physical aspects of his recovery were right on track.  Jack had to put some serious muscle into keeping him still.

“Any time now, Carter!” he yelled.

Unfortunately, Jack got his arm to close to Daniel’s face.  The next moment, General O’Neill howled out in pain as his distraught friend bit down on his forearm.

“Carter!”

Sam shoved the needle in none to gently, and Daniel yipped but did not release his jaw’s hold on Jack’s arm.  Blood seeped down his chin.

“Carter, get’im off me!  I need this arm!” Jack snarled through clenched teeth.

“I already gave him the shot, sir,” she answered him.

Turning her attention back to Daniel, Sam whispered close to his ear, “Daniel, shhh.  Let go.  Come on Danny… let go of Jack’s arm.”

With a low whimper, Daniel unclenched his jaw releasing O’Neill’s arm.  As Jack pulled away with a quiet curse, the younger man shook his head and started crying.

The noises he made had Sam shudder.  She listened to him, thinking it sounded like he was trying to say something.  Taking Daniel’s hand, Sam brushed a tear off his cheek.  He looked her in the eyes pleadingly.

“It’s okay, Daniel,” she choked out, “we will be home soon.  Do you understand?”

Her lover gazed into her face with a sad child-like expression.  Daniel nodded his answer.  She watched as his eyes began to lose focus.  The sedative was kicking in finally.

Slowly raising his hand, pulling the restraints as far as they could go, he brushed the back of his fingers against Sam’s jaw line.  Eyes clearing, Daniel tried to convey his heart to her.  Knitting his eyebrows together in concentration, he opened his mouth and whispered, “’am.”

Sam’s look of utter surprise was quickly replaced with absolute joy.

“Oh, Daniel…” she sobbed, and leaning in to kiss him.  She noticed the metallic taste of blood and pulled away to see that Daniel had fallen asleep.  She smoothed his hair off his forehead and wiped the drying blood from his chin.  Straightening up and with a soft glance at the now peaceful archeologist, Sam left to talk with O’Neill.

* * *

 

Jack was back in the cockpit with the first aid kit on his lap.  Mitchell watched him out of the corner of his eye.  The wound on Jack’s arm looked pretty bad.

“You okay there, General?”

“Mmmm.  Minor mosquito bite,” O’Neill grumbled.

“Ah huh, sure,” Mitchell replied.  “Damn big mosquito, sir.”

“Yeah, well…” Jack hissed in pain as he wiped an alcohol pad a crossed his arm.  “That boy must be part pit-bull.”

After a minute or two, Mitchell looked at Jack, “You really think Jackson’s gonna be okay on base, sir?  I know it won’t be for long, but…”

“What could happen?” O’Neill asked.

Breathing out a heavy sigh, the southern Colonel responded, “Well, with alarms going off and general chaos pretty much a norm, I just figured he would… you know… freak-out.”

“I guess we’ll see,” Jack grumbled.  He didn’t want to admit that he may have made a serious mistake.  He also didn’t want to disappoint Carter.

Right then Sam appeared next to the two pilots.  She noted Jack’s arm and reach for it, “Sir, are you alright?  I didn’t realize he had gotten you that bad.”

Jack pulled his arm away from her, “I’m fine,” he said, and turned to face her, “What happened?  Why’d he go all whacko?”

Sam flinched slightly by his tone.  She looked down, trying to think of how to put Daniel’s state of mind into words.

“I think it’s because he didn’t know where he was.  It scared him,” Sam glanced at her former CO.  “Sir, this will happen from time to time.  Daniel is not… he’s not totally in control of himself.  The doctor told me that there have been… well behavior issues with him.”

Jack’s head snapped around, “ **WHAT?!** ” he yelled, “And you were going to tell me this when?  Jesus, Carter!  I’ve hung my ass out there to let him stay on base until the Center was ready.  If Daniel goes postal before we get him there, we’re toast!

“The only way I could get the higher ups to agree to this whole thing, was because I _thought_ he was under control with, you know, meds and stuff!”

Sam felt as if she was going to sick.  So happy to be going back to Cheyenne Mountain half an hour ago, now she wasn’t sure if it was a good idea.

“Jack, you know how he feels about medication.  He’s on the smallest doses.  They hadn’t had much trouble with him until recently.  And I didn’t know about the other complications until this morning.”

“Complications?  There’s more than just behavioral?”

Letting out a long sigh, Carter told O’Neill everything the doctor related to her earlier.

“MacKenzie’s going to have a field day with Daniel,” Jack mumbled.

* * *

 

The rest of the trip was quiet.  Sam wondered how Daniel was going to react when they descended into the mountain.  It was very late when the truck pulled into the SGC.  Daniel woke up right as they entered the mountain.  With a wild-eyed look, he balled up into the fetal position as much as the restraints would let him.  Sam continually ran her hand through his hair, whispering to him.

After all the security checks, they were on their way down into the mountain.  Surprisingly, as soon as the elevator doors opened and Daniel was pushed into the familiar hallways, he began to relax.  Sam watched him closely, looking for any signs that he was going to panic.  Instead, he gazed all around, a slight smile on his face.

Sam was delighted by this.  Maybe by bringing him home, he would begin to recover even more.  Several of the SGC personal stopped and greeted Sam and Daniel.  She was hugging so many people that her ribs ached.  By the time they reached the quarters that O’Neill set aside for them, half of the night crew on base was there.

“All right people!” General O’Neill called over the crowd, “don’t you all have work to do?”

With a murmur of disappointment, they dispersed.

Once safely enclosed in the room, Sam unhooked Daniel’s restraints.  Smiling, he jumped off the stretcher and wondered around the room, touching everything he could.  Jack watched him with an amused look on his face.

“He’s happy.” O’Neill commented.

“Yeah.  More than I have seen in a long time.”

Many of Daniel’s personal belongings that had be left at the SGC were in the room.  He spotted a photo of Sha’re.  Carefully picking it up, he studied it.  One finger traced her face.  Turning to Sam, he walked over to her and held it out for her to take.

“It’s Sha’re, Daniel.  Do you remember her?” she asked apprehensively.

The archeologist nodded with a sad look in his eyes.  He tapped the photograph, then himself.

Sam knew what he meant, “Yes, she was your wife.”

Again, he stared at the photo.  When he looked back up to Sam, she saw tears in his eyes.  Daniel touched the image and then touched the back of his neck.

Both Jack and Sam stared at him in stunned silence.  He even remembered what had happened to her.  Turning away, Daniel put the picture back on the shelf.

“I sure didn’t expect that,” Jack whispered.

Sam nodded in agreement, “Me neither.  The doctor said some memories would come back to him easier than others.  I guess the bad ones stay with us more vividly than the good.”

Daniel went back to searching every nook and cranny.  He would occasionally bring things to Sam and Jack like a kid in a toy store.  He was so excited; his two friends couldn’t help but laugh.

The General excused himself a short time later, leaving the couple alone.  Sam was very tired and sat down on the bed.  However, Daniel, having slept most of the trip, was wired.  He was just about bouncing off the walls.  She watched him with utter amazement.  There was such a difference from just that morning to now.  Like he was back in his element.

Daniel looked over to Sam and saw her yawning.  He walked over and sat down on the bed a little ways away from her.  Looking him in the eyes, she swore that it was the old Daniel gazing back at her.  He smiled shyly as Sam took his hand in hers.

“Are you happy to be here, Daniel?” she whispered.

Grinning, he nodded his answer.  Then he pointed at her with a quizzical look.

“Yes, very happy,” she replied.  “But I’m even happier to be with you.  I’ve really missed you.”

This was the first moment that she and Daniel were totally alone with each other.  She leaned in close to snuggle up with him, when he jumped away.  Looking like he had just received jolt of electricity, he ran to a corner and curled up on the floor shaking.

“Daniel, I’m sorry,” Sam ran over to him and kneeled down.

She had forgotten that they had not even hugged since he awoke.  The nurses told her that it might frighten him to be enclosed that intimately.  Holding hands and petting was how she made physical contact with him the whole time he was at the old center.

“I didn’t mean to scare you.  I…” her voice caught in her throat.  “I just wanted to have you hold me again.”

Sam tried to touch him, but he shrank farther back against the wall, whimpering.  One minute he was just fine, and now… Sam’s heart was tearing apart.  She was just too tired to work it out with him now.

In a whisper she said, “I’m sorry, Daniel.  Please forgive me.”  She got up and went to the bed.  Kicking off her shoes, she crumpled down on top of the blankets, fully clothed, and quietly murmured, “Goodnight, Danny.”

Sam was asleep before she could count to three.

Daniel stayed huddled in the corner for a long time, watching her sleep.  He rocked back and forth, hugging himself and chewing on his lip.  Eyes darting around like a caged wolf, he tried desperately to think of why he was scared of her hugging him.  He knew her touch.  He knew that he liked it when she held his hand.  But she had not been with him at night… in the same room… with only one bed.  Somewhere in the vastness of his mind a notion that he _belonged_ to her flitted just out of reach.

The more he tried to focus, the more confused he got.  He didn’t like that.  What was going on?  Why couldn’t he pull all the images together?  Groaning in frustration, Daniel began to bang his head against the wall behind him.  His face screwed up with emotions, as he searched for clarity.

Images came and went with frightening speed.  Things that he knew were from his life, but still seemed to be unfamiliar.  Then a face settled at the forefront of his mind.  Sam’s face.  Her eyes sparkling blue and filled with love.  She was looking right at him, behind his closed eyes.  He could almost feel her touch on his face.

All of a sudden, he stilled.  Opening his eyes, he cocked his head to one side.  Samantha.  He loved her.  Like a flash of light, it hit him.  Yes… he loved her and she loved him.  He remembered her arms around him… holding him close.  The feel of her naked skin on his.  The sensation of her tongue plumbing the depths of his mouth.

Daniel slowly stood up and inched his way over to the sleeping woman.  Listening to her breath and watching her chest rise and fall with each inhale, exhale, it was familiar.  He carefully sat down on the edge of the bed, still watching… studying.  Something inside his body was pushing him to touch her.

With painfully slow moves, Daniel reached out and caressed Sam’s shoulder.  She stirred slightly, but did not wake up.  Smiling, and feeling a little braver, he gently ran his fingers through her hair.

Yes!  He knew this.  He knew that this was right and it felt good.  Encouraged by his own boldness, Daniel decided to lie down next to her.  As soon as he was prone, Sam rolled over and nestled up against his side throwing an arm a crossed his waist.  Hesitating for a moment, he closed his eyes and let his primal instincts take over.  Daniel wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.

With a sigh, he relaxed in the sensation of peace and contentment.  This, he remembered as one of his favorite places to be.  No longer afraid, Daniel nuzzled his nose in the crook of her neck.  Inhaling deeply, her scent reawakened many of his memories and sensations.  The warmth that was flowing through his body made him ache.

Softly, he brushed Sam’s bangs away from her eyes.  Still gazing at her intently, he tried to say her name.

“’am,” his voice hoarse with disuse.

Sam’s eyes blinked open.  Surprised that she was wrapped tightly in Daniel’s arms, she gasped.  She looked up and saw the boldness on his face.  His eyes were so blue; it seemed as if they were luminescent.

“Daniel?” she whispered.

Giving her a small smile and whispered back, “’am.”

Sam couldn’t hold back.  She leaned forward and gently kissed him on the mouth.  Daniel stiffened slightly but gave into the wonderful sensation.  A second later, Sam’s tongue was brushing his lips.  With instinct taking control, he let her deepen the kiss.

When she pulled away, she smiled at him.  He still had a look of confusion on his face and a small pout.

“God, Daniel,” she whispered, “you’re adorable.”

Sam stood to change into sleeping clothes.  Daniel watched her, head cocked to one side.  He had a look of someone studying for a test as she removed her cloths.  As she removed an article of clothing, Daniel followed suit with his own.  Pants, socks, shirt.  As Sam put one of his old tee-shirts on as a nightgown, she had to laugh at his look of confusion.  In one hand, he held the shirt he just took off.

“You don’t have to wear a shirt, Daniel.  You’re a boy.  Understand?”

Not entirely comprehending, he just dropped the garment on the floor.  Sam giggled as she turned the blankets down on the bad and motioned him to get under them.  Watching closely, he matched her movements until they were both snuggled in together.  She kissed him lightly and turned the lights off.  Feeling his warm, strong body next to hers, made her heart sing as the exhaustion of the day overtook her.

Daniel felt that having her in his arms, her head resting on his chest was right where they were supposed to be, and taking comfort in her nearness, he too fell asleep.

* * *

 

The night was just not long enough.  All too soon, reality burst in on them in a big way.  Outside their room, the klaxon sounded an unscheduled off-world activation.  The noise sent Daniel into hysterics.

Leaping from the bed, he ran to the furthest corner and slid down the wall.  Screaming in terror, he covered his ears.  A moment later, Jack came into the room, figuring the alarm would have set his friend off.  Sam was rapidly pulling a shirt on as she ran to Daniel.

Jack quickly closed the door as he noticed the state of semi-undress the archeologist was in.  He approached the couple cautiously.  Sam was trying to get her arms around Daniel to hold him.  At her touch, he roared and lashed out at her sending her flying.  Jack was there instantly, grabbing the crazed man’s arms and turning him around.  The General had no other choice then to put him in a chokehold, trying to restrain him from hurting anyone.

“Carter, get a sedative!” he shouted.

“I don’t have another one!”  Her voice was close to panic.  Getting up, she ran to the phone and called the infirmary.  Jack spoke to Daniel soothingly, but never letting his grip falter.

“Shhhh, Danny.  It’s okay.  Just a little wake-up call.”

Daniel fought hard against the restraining arms of his former CO.  But in the end, the older man had too strong a hold on him.  Not meaning too, Jack ended up choking him into unconsciousness.  Slumping to the floor, he released Daniel and rolled him over, checking his pulse.

With a ragged breath, he looked over to Carter and nodded, “He’s alright.  I didn’t think I had that tight a hold on him.”

Dr. Lam came in and knelt down to inspect her patient.

“What happened?” she asked looking at General O’Neill.

“When the alarm went off… so did he.  Carter didn’t have any sedative shots.  I kind’a put him in a choke hold.”

Looking slightly miffed, Dr. Lam motioned for the interns to come in and get Daniel onto the gurney.

“I’ll take him to the infirmary and make sure there is no lasting damage.  I’ll give him a mild sedative, just to be on the safe side.  And he will be restrained until I feel he is no longer a danger to himself… or others.”

On her way out of the room, the CMO sternly glared at Jack, “Next time, General, don’t squeeze so hard.”

With a wry smile, he nodded at her.  After the medical staff was gone, Jack turned to Sam.  He walked over and rested his hand on her shoulder.

“You need to go to the infirmary also, Carter.  He tossed you pretty hard.”

She merely shrugged.

“Judging by the state of nearly undressed you both were in, I’m guessing your night was okay?”

Distracted, she muttered, “We, ah… we really just held each other.  It was nice.  Like before…”

“Sam, I’ve been thinking all night… maybe you should… _not_ stay here,” he suggested.

She looked up at him in shock, “One incident on our first night back and you’re kicking us out?”

Shaking his head, he stepped back a way, “Not Daniel.  Just you.  I think you should maybe get that apartment for yourself now instead of waiting for when he goes to the Center.  That way you’ll have a place where you can get away from,” waving his hand about, “all this.  The stress of taking care of Daniel can’t be good for the baby.”

“What about him?  He won’t understand.”

“Look, he has his own private staff of therapist and doctors.  They’re going to be here later this morning to discuss his schedule and goals.  Someone will be with him at all times until we can move him.  I just think it would be best for you to… give him room and time to adjust to being here.”

Sam slumped onto the bed.  Even with the night she and Daniel had just shared, she knew that Jack was probably right.  The doctor in Oregon told her the only reason he was willing to release Daniel in her care, was because the new Center was going to be a great fit for his recovery, but that Daniel was far from being okay.  She just kept wishing for a quick fix so she could have him back.

Seeing the wisdom of Jack’s idea, she conceded.  “You know, I _really_ hate it when you decide you’re not going to play dumb General.”

“I’ll try never to come up with a good idea again, Carter,” O’Neill smiled.  “Now, get dressed… you’re really turning me on.”

With a sly grin, he walked out, closing the door behind him.

* * *

 

When Sam entered the briefing room, she noticed Dr. MacKenzie right away.  Giving the doctor a tight-lipped smile, she walked into Jack’s office without even knocking.  Carter closed the door and turned on the General in a rage.

“What the _hell_ is he doing here?!” she hissed through clenched teeth.

Jack looked her in the eye and calmly stated, “I told you yesterday that MacKenzie was going to be here.  He’s heading up the team that will be working with Daniel while he's here, BUT…” Jack held up a finger to silence the furious woman, “he will _not_ be working directly _with_ Daniel.”

Still seething, Sam nodded curtly.  “Understand this, General, if Dr. MacKenzie even thinks of doping Daniel or tries to have him moved to his mental hospital again, there will be a world of hurt for both him AND you.”

With that, she turned around and went back into the briefing room.  Letting out a long breath, Jack contemplated the wrath of Carter.  It wasn’t pretty.

The meeting went well, even with Sam casting glaring looks at Dr. MacKenzie from time to time.  She had to acknowledge his expertise, whether she liked it or not.

After the meeting adjourned, Sam went to see Daniel.  She was surprised when she entered the infirmary.  Daniel was sitting on his bed with a chessboard between him and Cameron.  Both men were studying the pieces on the grid very carefully.  She quietly sidled up to them.  Cam glanced up to her and smiled.

“He’s beating the pants off me.”

“Nothing wrong with that brain,” she remarked.  Sam ruffled Daniel’s hair playfully, “Personally, I think he’s just playing us to get attention.  Huh, Danny?”

Without lifting his head, he looked up through his lashes at her and grinned.  So, like his old self, Sam gave a tiny quiver.  She watched with a smile as Daniel cornered Mitchell’s king.

“Checkmate.  That’s the fourth game he’s trounced me,” Cam sighed.  “Whelp, I’ve had enough.  He’s all yours, Carter.”

The young colonel stood up to leave as Daniel set the board up for another game.  When he looked up, he saw Mitchell giving Sam a friendly hug.  Something snapped inside the archeologist.

With a roar, he lunged off the bed and ripped Cameron away from Sam.  Daniel began to hit the unfortunate man.  Mitchell shielded his head, not wanting to strike back at his friend.

“Daniel!  Stop!” Sam yelled.

By that time two airmen came in and tackled Daniel to the floor.  Dr. Lam rushed over and injected him with a shot.  Slowly, he eased his struggling.  Letting Jackson up, the airmen kept between the Colonel and archeologist.

Sam approached him cautiously.  Daniel was shaking his head and had tears running down his face.  He looked over to where Cam was being treated by a nurse.  Sorrow deepened the color of his eyes as he realized what he had done.

Turning back to Sam, he sagged into her arms, trying to voice his feelings.  The guttural sounds that issued from the once fluent linguist tore Sam apart.  He was trying so hard and it was always just out of reach.

Cam walked over to the couple and patted Daniel on the back.  Quietly he addressed his friend, “It’s okay, Jackson.  I understand.  I shouldn’t have…”

Mitchell stopped abruptly when Daniel turned and hugged him fiercely.  Stunned, Cam wasn’t sure what to do.  He looked to Sam for some help.  She arched her eyebrows and shrugged.

“It’s okay… um, we’re cool, Daniel.  I know you didn’t mean it,” he patted his distraught friend’s back.

Pulling away, Daniel wouldn’t look Cam in the eye.  Screwing up his face in concentration, he tried to force his mouth and voice to work.  He attempted several times before howling in frustration and beating his fists onto his own head.

Mitchell took hold of the anguished man’s arms to stop him, yelling to get his attention, “Stop it, Jackson.  Just take a deep breath, and calm down.  I can wait for whatever you have to say.  Just relax.”

Taking a few ragged breaths, Daniel leaned back against his bed.  He looked at Sam, then to Mitchell.  Again, he closed his eyes in concentration, chewed on his lower lip for a moment or two, then tried to speak.

“Sssss… sssss… orry,” Daniel took a gasping breath then looked at his friends.  The faces that stared back at him held both joy and shock.  Sam gave Daniel a tight hug as Cam clapped him on the back.

“That a’ boy, Jackson,” Cam whispered.  “You’re gonna get through this, I know it.”

* * *

 

Sam found a small-furnished apartment that she liked a few days later.  Making preparations to let Daniel know that she was no longer going to be staying the night with him was hard.  She just didn’t know how he was going to take the news.  Their nights had been better after the first night.  He would let her snuggle up with him but that was about all.  She really wasn’t sure how he would take this new arrangement.

Standing outside his therapy room, she took a deep breath and went in.  He was working with his audiologist.  When Daniel saw Sam come in, he jumped up and ran to her, picking her up and spinning around.

With a huge smile that reached all the way to his eyes, he took her face in his warm hands and said, “Sam… Carter.”

No stammer, no forcing the words to come, just Daniel’s clear, strong voice.

Sam couldn’t say anything.  Instead, she smiled back at him then leaned up and gave him a kiss.  Laughing and turning slightly red, Daniel bowed his head down.

“He’s been working very hard to be able to say your name without any trouble, Dr. Carter,” his therapist Brooke, told her.

“I could tell.  I’m very proud of you, Daniel,” Sam said.  “You’re doing so well.”

“Well, that’s enough for me today,” Brooke stated as she cleared off the table they were working at.  “I’ll see you tomorrow, Daniel.  You keep working on those ‘S’ sounds, okay?”

Nodding with a grin he replied, “S’o-kay”

Shaking her head in amusement, Brooke left.  Daniel turned to face Sam again; he saw that she looked sad.  Concerned, he went over to her and gently lifted her chin to face him.

“Sam?”

A small upward turn of her lips was all she could muster.  Taking a deep breath, she pulled Daniel over to the chairs and both of them sat down facing each other.

“Daniel, I have to tell you something, and I don’t think you will like it,” she began.  “Promise me you will stay calm, okay?”

He nodded reluctantly.

“I’m moving off base, I have an apartment in the city.  It’s close to where you will be.  I just can’t stay here at night any longer.”

The shock and panic on his face made Sam cringe.

“Please understand, Daniel.  It’s not you.  The doctors and I feel you would do better without me as a distraction.  I’m not leaving you, just giving you some space.  Like it was before, in Oregon, remember?  You stayed at the home and I came everyday to see you.”

His breathing became erratic and he started rocking back and forth hugging himself as he always did when he was upset.  When Sam reached out to touch him, he jumped up and ran away from her.  She went after him as he tore into the room that they had been sharing at night.  Looking around, Daniel saw that all of her things were gone.

“ **Nooooo!**   Noooo!” he cried.

Sam touched his back gently, “I’ll be here with you during the day…”

He didn’t hear her.  Right at that moment, Jack opened the door to come in, and was flung out of the way as Daniel seized the opportunity to bolt.  Running pell-mell and barefoot through the corridors of the SGC, personal scattered to get out of the archeologist’s way.

“Damn it!  Stop him; don’t just get out of the way!” O’Neill yelled as he raced after the fleeing man.

When Jack rounded a corner, he stopped abruptly.  Daniel was nowhere in sight.  Quietly the General walked down the hall, listening for any indication as to the whereabouts of the fugitive.  He spotted a storeroom door slightly ajar.

_Oh, great!_ Jack thought, _the same storeroom he hid in when he was high on sarcophagus effects.  At least he doesn’t have a gun this time._

Cautiously, O’Neill pushed open the door.  He heard what sounded like a jar braking.  “Daniel?”

Pausing, Jack could hear sobs coming from the back corner of the room.  He slowly inched his way towards the sound.  When he finally saw Daniel, he was curled in the fetal position and quietly crying.  Jack went and sat down beside him.  Rubbing his back soothingly, O’Neill noticed that Daniel had cut his arm several times with a piece of broken glass.

“Aww, Danny,” Jack sighed, “what’d you go and do that for?”

Daniel turned his swollen, red eyes to the man that was beside him.  “Sam, ggg…ooo,” he stammered.  “Wwww… wwwhy?  Mmmm… bbbbbaad?”

Jack reached over and pulled Daniel up into a sitting position.  Taking the broken glass away, and then stripping off his BDU shirt, he wrapped it around the bloody arm of his friend.

“You’re not bad, Danny.  Sam isn’t going to go away for good.  She just needs more rest and time to herself.  You will see her every day.  And you have Mitchell and me and even Teal’c when he’s around.  You’re not going to be alone, Daniel.  I promise you that.”

Shaking his head, Daniel whimpered, “Sam… mmmm… mmmine?”

Jack chuckled, “Yeah, Danny Boy.  Sam is yours.  Heart and soul.  She always will be.”  With a twinge of regret, he quietly added, “She loves you, Daniel.”

The younger man relaxed and allowed himself to be pulled up by Jack and led out of the storeroom.

“Come on, now.  Carter will have my head on a platter if I don’t get you to the infirmary.  Why’d you go and cut yourself?”

Daniel glanced at Jack and shrugged.

“It just never ends for you, does it?” O’Neill sighed.

* * *

 

In the infirmary, Daniel sat quietly as the nurse bandaged his arm.  She smiled sweetly at him as he continuously rocked back and forth.

“Would you like to listen to some music, Dr. Jackson?” she asked.

Cocking his head and scrunching his eyebrows together, he shrugged.  The young woman pulled an IPod from her pocket and fiddled with the controls.

“I always found music to be the most soothing thing in the universe.  Here…” she placed the buds in his ears and turned it on.

Daniel started at first when the music began, but then he relaxed and closed his eyes.  His rocking soon changed to swaying with the melody.  When the song ended, he tapped the nurse and held the IPod out to her.

“Do you want to hear more?”

Concentrating, Daniel quietly said, “’gain?”

She smiled and pushed the back button to start the song over.  “Do you like that song, Dr. Jackson?”

Nodding enthusiastically, he grinned.

“Tell you what.  When I finish with your arm, I’ll run in and burn you a CD of this song, so you can listen to it any time you want.”

Again, he smiled at her, nodding his thanks.

When Jack came back to take Daniel to his room, the nurse stopped them, handing the CD to her patient.  With a shy smile, Daniel gave the surprised nurse a quick hug.

Eyebrows rose almost to his receding hairline, O’Neill smirked, “You dog.”

* * *

 

It was just after dinner when Sam entered Daniel’s room.  She had been trying to prepare herself for the moment when she would be telling him goodnight and then leave.  She was not prepared for the sight she walked in on.

Daniel had placed candles all around the room.  Incense was burning on the nightstand and soft music was playing.  The whole place was neat, clean, and very romantic.

When he heard the door close, Daniel came in from the other room.  He was smiling at her.  She didn’t know what to think.

“Daniel?”

The archeologist slowly walked over to the astrophysicist and put his strong arms around her.  With a gentle kiss, he murmured, “Sam.”

Still confused with the whole environment, she pulled away from him.

“Daniel, I came to say goodnight and that I’d see you in the morning.”

“Know,” he said quietly nodding his head.

Sam watched him, looking for some indication of what was going on inside his head.  Her eyes moved down to his bandaged arm.  Jack had told her what Daniel had done to himself.  He also suggested for her to stay away the rest of the day, just to give him time to process this new arrangement.  She reached over and ran her hand gently over his wounded arm.

“Oh, Daniel,” she whispered.

Dropping his head, ashamed of his actions, he stammered, “Bbbbbad.”

Sam wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her head on his chest.  She had been hoping for a quick get-a-way, but it seemed now, that was not going to happen.  Feeling Daniel gently sway her to the music, Sam felt her resolve starting to slip.

Freeing herself from his grasp, she backed away towards the door.  “I have to leave now, Daniel.  I will see you in the morning, okay?”

Daniel grabbed her wrist and held up a finger, indicating for her to wait.  He stepped over to the CD player, cued the song he wanted, turned up the sound, and then pushed play.  Turning back to Sam, he took her in his arms.  When the music started, he began to slowly dance with her.

Lowering his head, he whispered in her ear, “fffeel… you.”

 

_Your love is better than ice cream_  
Better than anything else that I've tried  
And your love is better than ice cream  
Everyone here know how to fight  
  


_And it's a long way down_  
It’s a long way down  
It’s a long way down to the place  
Where we started from  
  


_Your love is better than chocolate_  
Better than anything else that I've tried  
Oh love is better than chocolate  
Everyone here knows how to cry  
  


_It’s a long way down_  
It’s a long way down  
It’s a long way down to the place  
Where we started from...

__  
<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yX9RQhViFjU>  


 

As Sam listened to the words and moved with Daniel to the music, she felt the familiar warmth coursing through her.  She missed the intimacy that they had shared.  Missed the closeness they had, his strength and the calming presence that use to be a natural part of being with Daniel.  Now, every time she let her defenses down, she would worry that something would happen to make him flip out.

When the song ended, she turned a tear wet face to the man with whom she loved more than anything.

Daniel leaned down and kissed her.  It was the very first time that he initiated that kind of contact.  And then he even went further and deepened the kiss.  It was passionate, and filled with meaning.  One more night here, couldn’t hurt.

As the song started again, Daniel picked Sam up and carried her to the bed.  Slowly Daniel ran his hands down the front of her blouse, unbuttoning each button as he came to it.  Their kiss became more fervent with each passing moment.  Next, his hand pulled her undershirt from the confines of her pants.  Once he had enough room to move his hand inside, Daniel’s fingers traveled up to Sam’s breast.  Softly he rubbed and kneaded them.

Sam let a moan escape into his mouth as her lover continued his quest.  She needed to feel more of him now.  Pulling on his t-shirt, she had it over his head and off in an instant.  Running her hands up and down his firmly muscled back, she arched against him.  Daniel broke away from Sam’s lips to remove her clothing.  Soon both of her shirts were on the floor and her bra joined them quickly.

Daniel began to blaze a trail down her neck to the soft mounds he had been fondling.  As his lips closed over her nipple she bucked against him.  Sam needed more, and she needed it now.  She moved her hands down and started pushing his sweatpants over his butt.  Rising just a little to let her get them off, Daniel set to work on undoing her belt.  In no time at all they were naked.

Daniel moved to nestle between her legs as he again claimed Sam’s mouth in a devouring kiss.  She could feel the pressure of his erection.  She was more than ready for him to be inside her.  Sam wasn’t sure just how far Daniel was willing to take this, but felt a little encouragement would not go unwarranted, she softly whispered in his ear, “Daniel, make love to me.”

That was all it took.  He let his instincts guide him.  It had been just over four months since they had last made love and he slid inside just as gently as she remembered.  It was the most glorious feeling in the world.  Their movements were as one with the music and the beat of their hearts.  Slow and wonderful, they consumed each other.  This wasn’t the kind of frantic love that had sometimes ruled them, this was explorative and earnest.  Fresh, new… but also demanding.

Soaring to the heights of ecstasy, both took each other over the edge at the same time with a shudder.  Daniel moaned as he fell beside Sam, totally stated.

After a short moment to catch his breath, he began to nuzzle her neck and whisper in her ear.  Feeling at peace and completely loved, it took a while for her to realize that he was speaking without any hesitation.  She did not know what he was saying; the words were foreign to her.  Not wanting to interrupt the beautiful sound, Sam closed her eyes and listened to his voice.  Then it hit her.  He was singing with song he had playing over and over.

Quietly she asked, “Daniel, are you singing the words to the song?”

“Ah huh.”

“What language this time?” she looked into his bright sapphire eyes.

“A… A, Aby…” he squeezed his eyes closed in concentration. “A, a…”

“Abydonian?” Sam took pity on him, seeing how frustrated he was getting.  She didn’t want this good feeling to be interrupted. 

He smiled and nodded.  Sam closed her eyes again and fell into this perfect moment.  She wanted to infuse feeling into every cell of her body.  Nothing else mattered.  Nothing else existed.

Just she and Daniel…

Suddenly, he stopped singing.  He was so still Sam thought he had fallen asleep.  Then with a rush of movement, he was sitting up looking at her with surprise.  Then Daniel grinned and placed his head on her stomach.  Sam was confused.  She ran her fingers through his hair, soothingly. 

“Daniel?  What’s wrong…?”

Then she felt it.  Inside her, the life that they had created four months earlier, was moving.  It was the most phenomenal sensation she ever had.  Daniel lifted his head and stared at her.  With tears in the eyes that could not get any bluer, he smiled a radiant smile.

“Mmm… mmmi… Nnnoo,” he was getting aggravated again, so he pointed to Sam, then himself, and then to her belly.

“Yes, our baby,” she answered and pulled him into a tight hug.  Resting her head on Daniel’s shoulder and with a contented sigh, Sam fell asleep at peace with the world.


	4. Chapter Four – Fix You

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aK3TROzVRiE>

When you try your best,  
But you don't succeed  
When you get what you want,  
But not what you need  
When you feel so tired,  
But you can't sleep  
Stuck in reverse  
  
When the tears come streaming down your face  
When you lose something you can't replace  
When you love someone,  
But it goes to waste  
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you

Sam awoke very early the next morning to an empty bed.  She sat up, glancing at the clock, and started to get out of bed when she almost stepped on the sleeping form of Daniel.  He was curled up on the floor next to the bed, wrapped in a blanket and hugging a pillow.  He was still asleep, but whimpering restlessly.

She sat and watched him sleep for awhile, until his movements became erratic and Sam knew he was having a nightmare.  Lord knows all the members of SG-1, past and present, had plenty of nightmare material to draw on.  Slipping out of bed she got dressed, then went to his side and sat down with him.  Sam ran her fingers through Daniel’s sweat soaked hair.  Very gently, she shook his shoulder.

“Daniel,” she whispered, “baby, wake-up.  It’s just a dream.”

As she continued to rub his head, she noticed that he must have gotten up at some point in the night, since he now had his sweatpants on again.  All the candles were down to nubs and the music was no longer playing.  When he quieted, Sam thought that maybe was it was a good time to leave.

“Daniel,” she said quietly, “I’m going to go now, but I’ll be back later today.  Don’t get upset, okay?  I promise I’m not deserting you.”

She wasn’t sure if he heard her.  Placing a light kiss on his head, she stood and began to pacing around the room.  This night with Daniel had been extraordinary.  The love they had made that night, had been so sweet and chaste.  How could she leave him alone now?  He was improving faster than anyone expected.  It seemed that only his speech, writing, and some trouble with keeping his emotions reigned in were the only things that really needed work.

Sam was startled when a soft knock at the door interrupted her thoughts.  Glancing at Daniel to make sure he didn’t wake up, she answered it.

“Carter?”  The low voice of General O’Neill sounded as she opened the door, “I saw that your car was still here.  Aren’t you supposed to be in your new apartment?”

Stepping aside she let her CO in, giving him a sheepish look and said, “Something came up, sir.”

 _Really up!_   She thought and was thankful for the dimness of the room.  She felt the blush rise on her face.

“Ah huh,” he grumbled, his eyes taking in the remains of Daniel’s romantic arrangement of the room.  Then O’Neill spotted said archeologist fitfully asleep on the floor.  Pointing to him the general looked at Sam.

“What’s going on?  Why’s he down there?”

Shrugging, Carter replied, “I’ve found him like that before, sir.  The nurses at the Oregon Center told me he would feel more secure when he was curled up in a corner.”

Nodding, Jack turned to Sam, “You’re not thinking of staying here, are you?”

A pained expression crossed her face.  The night she just shared with Daniel was fresh in her mind, and the thought of leaving was really tearing her in two.  She had considered the idea of having him come home with her.  The apartment was big enough for the both of them.

Jack read her face as if it was an open book.  Shaking his head, he pulled her into a hug.  “Oh, Carter.  This whole thing has really got you turned every which way, doesn’t it?  You want to be with him and help, but you know that the strain is just not health for the baby.”

Feeling hot tears burn a path down her face, she nodded into his chest.  “In all honesty, I don’t know what to think.  Sometimes, he’s just so… Daniel.  Like there’s nothing wrong.  And I really think he’s getting better—”

“MacKenzie doesn’t,” Jack interrupted.  Feeling her tense at the name and start to pull away, O’Neill tightened his hold on her.  “NO, _you_ will listen.  Daniel is _not_ mentally healthy yet.  He has made a lot of progress, but his outbursts are not under control.  He is still volatile and none of the doctors have any idea what sets him off.”

Sam let out a choked sob, “I know…”

The next instant, Sam was flung across the room and into a wall.  As she slid down to the floor, she saw Daniel on top of Jack, beating him mercilessly.  The younger man had O’Neill pinned and it was all the general could do to protect his head from the onslaught of punches.

Daniel was screaming at the top of his voice, “ **MMMMINE MMMMINE!** ”

Sam jumped up to stop the archeologist from hurting Jack.  When she put a hand on Daniel’s arm, he spun around in a blind rage and punched her full force in the stomach.

The shear pain of the blow caused her to momentarily black out.  When she was able to focus again, Sam saw the horror on Daniel’s face.  Jack took the opportunity to throw the stunned man off, and went to Sam.

“Carter!  Are you, all right?” Jack asked urgently.

Daniel scrambled away to a corner, howling, as Jack reached up and hit the alarm button on the wall.  When the siren and red lights went off, Daniel leaped to his feet and ran for the door.  O’Neill tried to stop him, but couldn’t get a hold of the fleeing man.  He was about to go after Daniel when Sam cried out in pain.

Clutching her stomach, she curled up into a ball, “Jack… the baby…”

Daniel would have to be found by the SF’s; his concern now was getting Sam to the infirmary.

When the security team came running in, Jack began to bark out orders, “Get the med team down here now for Carter!  Jackson’s on the loose, find him and put him in a straight jacket.  I DO NOT WANT HIM SEDATED!”  Turning his attention back to Sam, he growled through clenched teeth, “He is going to see what he just did.”

* * *

 

Daniel knew every inch of Stargate Command and managed to avoid everyone that was looking for him.  He found his way to the archives storage room and hunkered down in a back corner.  He knew, somewhere in his fogged and addled mind, that he had done something very bad.  He had hit Sam.  He looked at his knuckles, they were swollen and red with blood.  Not his blood… Jack’s.

It was like a movie being played over and over in his head.  When he closed his eyes, the images would get clearer.  He saw O’Neill holding Sam.  _His_ Sam.  Something roared inside of him and he felt a primal instinct inside, screaming for him to protect her.

 

> _Jack has always liked her._ _Maybe even loved her._ _Jack thinks I_ _’_ _m just a waste of space._
> 
> _No!_ _Jack_ _…_ _Jack is my friend, right?_
> 
> _But why was he hugging Sam?_ _Is he going to take her away from me?_ _Take her away because I_ _’_ _m broken?_
> 
> _Maybe Sam doesn_ _’_ _t want me anymore._ _But, but she said she loved me_ _…_
> 
> _Why can_ _’_ _t I think straight?_

Rocking back and forth, crying silently, Daniel started clawing at his bandaged arm.  Soon, the gauze was gone, the wound reopened and bleeding profusely.  The pain was bad, but in his current mental state, it just wasn’t bad enough.  He began to slam his head against the wall behind him with force.  It still wasn’t enough pain.  He needed more… needed the physical pain to block the pain in his heart.

His rage came to boil.  The angrier he got, the more confused his emotions became.  He could see what he had done to Sam, and he knew it was wrong.  But he wondered if maybe she would prefer Jack.  That she no longer loved him because he was damaged and unmanageable.

Jumping to his feet, Daniel went on a rampage.  Pulling down racks of artifacts, pushing over cabinets and tables, tearing shelves from the walls as he screamed his torment to the world.

His naked chest heaved with effort as he destroyed the room that held all the things he once considered precious.  What were they to him now?  Just… bits of a broken past.  They meant nothing to him now.  Only Sam was mattered.  And he just hurt her.

Distraught and heedless of the injuries he was inflicting upon himself, he wanted nothing more than to end this torment.  To take away the torture of what he had done to his lover and best friend.  With all of his strength, Daniel continued to decimate the room, seeking some relief.

The security personal found him by following the noise and were trying to get into the room.  The entrance was wedged shut with a file cabinet that Daniel had pushed over.  Three airmen put their shoulders to the door and broke it open.

What they saw, stop them in their tracks.

Daniel was on the far side of the room, standing on an overturned desk.  In his hand he held an antique, yet very sharp dagger, the blade of which was against his own throat.  The blood haze in once deep blue eyes, made the airmen freeze.

Sobbing wildly and crazed with grief, the archeologist cried, “I… nnnot… gggg, gggood.  Bbbbad…”  Slumping against the wall, Daniel pulled the blade across his throat.

A flash of blue came from behind the still forms of the SF’s.  Daniel dropped to the floor unconscious from a single zat blast.  Turning, the airmen snapped to attention.  Face as hard as stone, General O’Neill came into the room and looked at his friend with a mixture of sorrow and fury.

“Get him to the infirmary.  Make sure his is restrained, _tightly_.  No one is to let him loose and I want a guard on him at all times,” he barked his orders to the SF’s.

“Yes, sir.”

Turning on his heels, Jack left to check in on how Carter was doing.

* * *

 

When O’Neill got back to the infirmary he noticed right away that Samantha Carter was not there.  Snagging a passing nurse, he asked where she was.  The woman’s face spoke volumes as she informed him that Colonel Carter was now in a private room and that Dr. Lam was with her.

With a sense of foreboding, Jack turned to go as the SF’s brought a very agitated Daniel in.  Jack winced at the feral sounds he was making.  In all his years of service, time spent in Black Ops and on SG-1, he had never heard anything as defeated and pitiful as what was now coming from his friend.  He had a feeling that something very bad must be going on with Carter, Jack knew that Daniel was only going to get worse.

His _perfect plan_ of bring Sam and Daniel back into the fold was crashing around his feet.  He began to wonder if there was a level any lower than where he was now.

He left the orderlies to wrestle with Daniel and walked to the private medical suite.  Dr. Lam turned when he stepped through the door and hurried over to him.

“General O’Neill,” Dr. Lam quietly said as she placed a hand on his arm to lead him back out the door.

Jack stopped abruptly when they reached the hallway and snapped, “What’s happened?!”

Carolyn took a deep, steadying breath and said softly, “Colonel Carter has lost the baby.”

For the second time in his life O’Neill felt like giving up.  Falling back against the wall he slid to the floor and pulled his knees up to his chest, his face buried in his hands.  Flash backs of this very position as he remembered another doctor, at a different time, telling him that his son was dead.  Now he knew there were plenty of levels to sink into.

The grief and pain that wrapped around Jack was palpable, but his concern now needed to be for Sam.  As he stood, readying himself to comfort his friend, the grief began to twist into a seething anger.  Jack struggled to keep control and to bury it deep inside for the time being.  Yet, when he opened the door to Sam’s room he saw her lying in the fetal position, shaking with unrestrained sobs.

Before anyone could react, Jack was pelting down the hallway towards the main infirmary.

“Oh, crap!”  Dr. Lam yelled, “Get a security team into the infirmary **NOW!** ”

* * *

 

The orderlies had just finished bandaging the wounds on Dr. Jackson and were replacing the restraints around his wrists.  Per General O’Neill’s orders, the archeologist had not been given a sedative.  Although he was no longer thrashing about, he still fidgeted restlessly while whimpering in despair.

Jack burst into the room and ordered everyone to leave.  Confused and hesitant, but bound by orders, the room was cleared.  With the door closed and locked behind the last to leave, O’Neill turned on the restrained man with a vengeance.  Barely in control of himself, Jack grabbed Daniel by the hospital scrubs and began to punch him repeatedly.

With every blow, he landed he spat out vehemently, “ **YOU. STUPID. SON. OF. A. BITCH!** ”

Stopping his attack on the defenseless man, Jack yelled, “I don’t give a **DAMN** what the fucking doctors say!  I _know_ you could understand what you were doing…”

Seeing the confused and terrified look on Daniel’s bloodied face, Jack shoved him down onto the bed.  Taking a few steps away and trying to calm down, O’Neill pressed his fist against his eyes.  He winced in pain, remembering the beating he took from the man in front of him.

 _How did this all go so wrong?_  Jack asked himself.

He heard shouting coming from the hall outside.  The banging on the door startled both he and Daniel.

“General O’Neill,” Cam Mitchell’s voice yelled, “open the door, sir.”

Jack walked back over to Daniel.  The younger man cringe away, his cerulean eyes wide with.  Hanging his head and letting out a long sigh, the general sat heavily on a stool by the archeologist.  He was exhausted, in pain… physically, emotionally and mentally.

Cam’s voice came from the hallway again, “Sir, please open the door.  I really don’t want to have these guys break it down.”

O’Neill called back to the Colonel, “I’ll be out in a minute, Mitchell.  I’m just talking to him.”

Turning to face Daniel, Jack quietly spoke, “Sam… Sam lost the baby.”

He watched his friends face, waiting for a reaction.  All he saw was confusion.  Daniel’s forehead wrinkled, his eyes darted this way and that.  He started to bite his lower lip and Jack could hear a low whine coming from the linguist.

“Do you understand?” he asked.  “Daniel, the baby Sam was carrying, _your_ baby… is dead.  When you hit her in the stomach… you killed the…”

Jack couldn’t continue.  His gaze fell to the floor.  Daniel wasn’t going to understand what he had done.  And O’Neill began to think maybe he shouldn’t be made to understand either.  Standing up and walking to the door, he decided the best place for him right now was with Sam.

Just as Jack reached the door, he heard Daniel’s voice, cracked and distressed, “Bbbbbabbby?  Mmmeee hur, hurt, hurt?”

His hand on the door, Jack turned to face him again.

“Yes,” he replied, “You killed Sam’s baby.”

For an instant, Jack swore he saw total clarity in Daniel’s eyes before he fell back against his pillow, and let out the most anguished cry that anyone had ever heard.

The door flew open and Dr. Lam rushed in with Mitchell hot on her heels.  The former rushed to Daniel’s side immediately, while the latter halted by O’Neill.

“What did you do to him?” Cam asked heatedly.

“Told him the truth.”  Dropping his eyes down, Jack walked out.

Dr. Lam called out orders as her patient began to jerk and foam at the mouth.  “He’s seizing!  I need 10mm of valium and stand by with the ambu-bag…”

As he headed back to Carter, Jack’s mind was a whirl of contradicting thoughts.  He loved Sam and would do anything for her.  He hated what happened and yes, right then… he _hated_ Daniel for causing it.  On the other hand, Daniel was his best friend and he wouldn’t want to upset Sam by hurting the man she chose to love.

This was getting way too complicated.  He didn’t even notice when he reached Sam’s room.  Pausing outside for a moment, Jack took a deep breath, then went inside.  The very least he could do was be with her for comfort and support.

* * *

 

Several hours later, Mitchell and Vala entered Sam’s room.  O’Neill was sitting with his head resting on her bed.  Even though she was asleep, grief was clearly seen on her face.  Vala pulled up a stool and sat.  She rubbed Sam’s back gently, comfortingly.

“General O’Neill,” Mitchell spoke quietly, “sir, you’re wanted in your office.  General Landry is here to see you.”

Jack stirred, sat up and stretched.  Both of his eyes were swollen, black, blue, purple and bloodshot.  The right side of his jaw was similarly colored.  With slightly unfocused eyes, he turned to Mitchell.

“How is she doing?” the Colonel asked.

Standing up, O’Neill gazed down on the sleeping form of Samantha.

“She hasn’t spoken.  Stopped crying shortly after I came in.  For a long time, she just laid there and stared off into nothing.  Dr. Lam came in an hour ago and gave her something to make her sleep.”  He turned to Cameron, “How’s Daniel?”

Surprised that the general was concerned about the archeologist, Mitchell looked at him warily.

“He’s unresponsive.  The Doc says that after the seizure he just went comatose.”

Jack nodded solemnly.  He turned to go, then paused at Mitchell’s side.  “Please stay with her.  I don’t want her to wake up alone.”

“Actually, sir, I have to go with you.  I brought Vala to stay with Sam.  I thought another woman would be better anyway.  In case she wanted to talk.”

Nodding his head thoughtfully, Jack gave Cam a small, appreciative smile.  The two men left the room, heading to O’Neill’s office and what the general figured was going to be his last day in the USAF.

* * *

 

The light was intense.  Blinding.  There was no sound at all.

Daniel was lying on the floor of… _what_ he wasn’t sure.  Sitting up he looked around, trying to think why he was here, _where ever here was_ , and how he had gotten here.

Standing, Daniel began to walk around.  He felt… funny.  Not like he’d been feeling but more like himself.  Lucid.  Normal.

He couldn’t bring to mind _why_ feeling normal was strange.  A few images flit through his mind.  Disturbing images.  Scenes of anger, hostility and violence.  All done by him.

Shaking his head to scatter the thoughts away, Daniel cleared his throat, “Uh… Hello?”

His voice echoed slightly.  Being alone in an unknown place, with no real memory of how he got there, was unnerving to say the least.  He wrapped his arms around himself in his customary self hug of protection.

“Anyone here?” he asked quietly.

 _“_ _Yes,”_ a small voice answered him.

Daniel spun around to see who was speaking.  But no one was there.  Not one who was easily spooked, the hair on the back of his neck on end.

“Who are you?  What’s going on?”

 _“_ _You know who I am, Daniel,”_ the voice said quietly.

A bright light shown behind the archeologist and he turned.  The image became clear as a young man walked towards him.  Daniel was stunned.

“Shifu?  You’ve grown,” smiling, the former ascended Dr. Jackson stated.  “I didn’t think that you would keep growing while you were… you know, with Oma and the others.”

 _“_ _All things grow, Daniel.  Even if you are ascended,”_ Shifu grinned at him.

“I understand… I think,” Daniel looked around to see if Oma was going to show up as well.  When nothing happened, he turned his attention back to Shifu.  “Why am I here?”

 _“_ _Only you can answer that,”_ the boy told him politely.

Trying hard not to roll his eyes, Daniel let out an exasperated sigh.  “Shifu, I… I really have no clue what is going on.  I can’t remember… I, I can’t remember… anything.”

Shifu nodded sympathetically at the frustrated man.  Daniel shoved his hands into his pockets and began to pace nervously.  The young man sat down cross-legged on the floor and waited for him to stop.  When he did, Shifu indicated for him to also sit.  Silence stretched into impossibly long minutes.  Daniel began to fidget.  He wanted to know what was going on.

“Um… Shifu.  I, I know that your ways are… rather cryptic with the explanations, but, I really would appreciate it if… maybe you could give me a straight answer.  Please?  You know, no little… _Oma’isems_ ,” Daniel pleaded with the young man seated in front of him.

Shifu smiled gently at him, _“_ _You have always been impatient, Daniel.  Even Oma said she could not teach you the value of patients.”_

Daniel grumbled under his breath, “That’s because humans don’t live long in comparison to Ancients.”

The younger man nodded, but remained silent.

Daniel closed his eyes, took a deep breath and relaxed.  “Okay.  I remember being with Sam… on a date.  We had been talking about…” he bit his lip, scrunching up his face in concentration.

“We were talking about getting married,” his eyes snapped open.  “There was a scream down an alley and I went to help a girl that was getting pushed around by some boys.  One of them pulled a gun on me… Oh my god!  Am I dead… _again?_ ”

 _“_ _No,”_ Shifu replied.  _“_ _Keep searching.  The images you see now happened four months ago.”_

Daniel was shocked.  “Wait, what?  Four months?!  I don’t understand.  What’s been going on since then?”

The boy shook his head slowly, _“_ _You must find it inside of yourself.”_

“ _Oh, come on!_ ” the archeologist fumed, “Shifu, I can’t remember.  Four months?  Was I unconscious?  Have my memories been taken?  What?”

When there was no answer, Daniel jumped to his feet and stormed around.  “ **OMA!**   Give me something here!  _Anything!_ ”

Angry and confused, Daniel desperately wanted to hit something.  It was that feeling which sparked his memory.

“I was in a coma.  I don’t know how long, though.”

When Shifu nodded, Daniel sat back down in front of him and resumed the meditation.  After some calming breaths, he continued to delve into is fractured memories.

 

> _He saw images as if he was ascended again.  Like when he was dying of radiation poisoning.  He could see Sam walk into a hospital room…  No; it looked more like a rehab room.  He strained to hear what was being said by a nurse to Sam, but couldn’t make it out.  Then Daniel watched as Sam went over to his still form and leaned down._
> 
> _“Daniel, I have something to tell you.  I know you can hear me; you need to find your way back.  Now more than ever.  Daniel, we’re going to have a baby.”_

In his lotus position, on the floor of god knows where, Daniel tensed as he recalled her statement.  Not wanting to break the connection with the memories, he forced himself to concentrate on the images.

 

> _“Daniel, please…” Sam quietly pleaded.  “I need you.  We need you.  You are going to be a father in six months.  Please come back to us.”_

He couldn’t take it any longer.  Leaping to his feet, Daniel searched for a way out.  Tears making his eyes even brighter than normal.  He turned to Shifu.

“I have to go back, Shifu,” he bagged, “Send me back now!”

Shifu shook his head sadly, _“_ _No, Daniel.  Not yet.  There is more.”_

Indicating for the archeologist to resume his seat and proceed with his memories, Shifu smiled gently.  With a huff of annoyance, he grudgingly sat back down again, and with eyes closed, he began his quest.

This time, he saw Jack standing beside him, and he looked angry.

 

> _“All right, Daniel.  Enough is enough.  You’ve got a beautiful woman pining for you.  A kid on the way.  Friends all over this freakin’ universe, and can’t bother to wake up?”_

The memory faded suddenly, but only for a moment.  When it cleared, Daniel jumped slightly.  Jack O’Neill was in his face.

 

> _“Now you listen to me, boy.  I loved Carter long before you had any inclinations that she was a woman.  But I knew it wouldn’t have worked between us.  When she told me that you two were together, I just about jumped on the earliest plane from D.C. to come back and kick your ass._
> 
> _“After a few shots of J.D., I realized that it was actually the best thing that could have happened for her.  For both of you.  Now you go and pull this bullshit?!_
> 
> _“Nah ah, Danny boy.  You will not leave her to pick up the pieces of your scattered brained life.  I will not let you do that to her again.”_

Daniel recoiled as if Jack had actually been beside him.  He laid down and covered his face with his hands.  What Jack had said was ringing in his ears.  Like it was _his_ fault that he had been shot by some teenaged punk.  That he _wanted_ to be separated from the woman that he was madly in love with.  Why was Jack blaming him?

Sitting up again, he looked at Shifu and quietly said, “I didn’t mean to leave her.  I don’t want to leave her.  I promised.”  Trying to swallow a golf ball size lump in his throat, he begged, “Let me go back…  Now.  I can search for the rest of the memories later; I need to get back to Sam.”

Shifu’s soft eyes betrayed his emotions for the man before him.  _“_ _There is more for you to see, Daniel.  More for you to understand.”_

With a miserable groan, Daniel relented and closed his eyes again.  The images came to him as if someone had pressed the fast-forward button on a DVD remote.

 

> _He did wake up.  Sam was with him, helping him to relearn how to do basic things.  Feed himself, brush his hair, and even tie his shoes.  The part of his mind that was analytical, watched in dismay at seeing he could not read or write.  That he was being taught and rewarded like a child._
> 
> _Then to his horror, he saw, himself lose control with anger and rage.  Breaking things and fighting with orderlies.  This wasn’t him.  He wasn’t like that._
> 
> _The scenes began to slow down and he heard Sam tell him that they were going home.  And he was to be the first patient at the new Air Force Academy Mental and Behavioral Center.  It was a facility created primarily for soldiers suffering from PTSD and other mental trauma, and was on the Air Force Academy grounds close to the Cheyenne Mountain complex.  It was a state of the art facility staffed with personal that knew about the Stargate Program.  But he didn’t understand._
> 
> _Daniel was confused and scared.  He began to withdraw and was very irritable.  Sam would tell him every day that they were going back to where his friends were waiting for him.  Back to one of the few places he had actually called home._
> 
> _What happened next pulled a cry from his throat.  He saw himself in a rage again and destroying his room.  He had hit an orderly in the nose, breaking it.  Then he saw Sam come in to try and calm him down only to have his ‘memory self’ shove her away so hard that she fell._

Again, Daniel was on his feet.  He wanted nothing more than to run away.  Everything he was seeing was crashing down on him, smothering him.

“No more, Shifu!” he cried, “Just let me go home.  Let me make it right.”

 _“_ _No, Daniel.  You must continue,”_ the young man replied.

Screaming at the top of his lungs, then squatting down onto his haunches he wrapped his arms around his knees.  Rocking back and forth with his head buried in his arms, Daniel reluctantly went back into his memories.

 

> _He saw Sam sitting with the doctor that had been there when he was fighting with the orderlies.  Daniel now saw things from Sam’s point of view instead of his.  He figured that this memory was not his own._
> 
> _The doctor spoke to Sam in a gentle voice, “What Daniel is experiencing is called Broca’s Aphasia.  The type he seems to be experiencing is called non-fluent aphasia.  Some people that have had damage to the frontal lobe of the brain often have this problem.  They frequently speak in short phrases that make sense but are produced with great effort.  People with Broca's aphasia usually understand the speech of others reasonably well.  Because of this, they are often aware of their difficulties and can become easily frustrated and are more prone to depression.  Daniel is aware of his deficiencies, but can’t do anything about them._
> 
> _“With a traumatic brain injury like his, behavior problems will also surface.  Sudden acts of aggression towards himself or others, explosive anger, non-compliance, even tantrums and crying.  Daniel is showing signs of depression, paranoia, agitation, and insomnia that are very common with TBI.”_

Daniel could tell how upset Sam was after hearing everything that was said.  He was disturbed by the idea of being that… disadvantaged too.

 

> _The scene shifted again and he saw that he was strapped to a gurney on what he assumed was an airplane.  He saw Jack and Sam talking quietly.  Feeling the rage building up inside of him as he witnessed Jack putting his arm around Sam, Daniel couldn’t shake the sensation of jealousy.  The next instant he could actually taste the blood from Jack’s arm in his mouth._

Daniel fell backwards onto the floor.  “Why?  Shifu, why did this happen?  Why can’t… whoever has it out for me, just stop?”

 _“_ _I am sorry, my friend.  But I cannot answer what I do not know.  You must remember that the wind blows on the just and unjust equally.”_

“Then why am I living in a **fucking hurricane**?”

Shifu stood and walked over to the distraught archeologist.  He placed his hand on Daniel’s forehead.  At that moment, he was back in his memories.

 

> _He saw himself happy to be home at the SGC.  Saw how relieved Sam seemed to be also.  Then the atmosphere changed as Sam had tried to snuggle up with him.  He ran away from her.  Why?_
> 
> _The flood of thoughts became clear as he watched his ‘memory self’ rocking in a corner, banging his head against the wall._
> 
> _Eyes darting around like a caged wolf, he tried desperately to think of why he was scared of her hugging him.  He knew her touch.  He knew that he liked it when she held his hand.  But she had not been with him at night… in the same room… with only one bed.  Somewhere in the vastness of his mind a notion that he belonged to her flitted just out of reach._
> 
> _The more he tried to focus, the more confused he got.  He didn’t like that.  What was going on?  Why couldn’t he pull all the images together?_

Daniel felt all of the pain and frustration welling up inside and wanted nothing more than to find some way to release it.  But the memories kept coming in earnest.

 

> _All of a sudden, he stilled.  Opening his eyes, he cocked his head to one side.  Samantha.  He loved her.  Like a flash of light, it hit him.  Yes… he loved her and she loved him.  He remembered her arms around him… holding him close.  The feel of her naked skin on his.  The sensation of her tongue plumbing the depths of his mouth._
> 
> _Daniel slowly stood up and inched his way over to the sleeping woman.  Listening to her breath and watching her chest rise and fall with each inhale, exhale, it was familiar.  He carefully sat down on the edge of the bed, still watching… studying.  Something inside his body was pushing him to touch her._
> 
> _With painfully slow moves, Daniel reached out and caressed Sam’s shoulder.  She stirred slightly, but did not wake up.  Smiling, and feeling a little braver, he gently ran his fingers through her hair._
> 
> _Yes!  He knew this.  He knew that this was right and it felt good.  Encouraged by his own boldness, Daniel decided to lie down next to her.  As soon as he was prone, Sam rolled over and nestled up against his side throwing an arm a crossed his waist.  Hesitating for a moment, he closed his eyes and let his primal instincts take over.  Daniel wrapped his arms around her, holding her close._
> 
> _With a sigh, he relaxed in the sensation of peace and contentment.  This, he remembered as one of his favorite places to be.  No longer afraid, Daniel nuzzled his nose in the crook of her neck.  Inhaling deeply, her scent reawakened many of his memories and sensations.  The warmth that was flowing through his body made him ache._

Relaxing a little, Daniel let himself be consumed by the feelings of love and contentment.  He liked this memory.  He wouldn’t mind more of them.  But that was not going to happen.

 

> _The next moment he saw himself going hysterical at the sound of the klaxon going off.  Saw his memory self lashing out at Sam and sending her flying across the room.  He watched as Jack came in and put him in a headlock to try and calm him down, but unintentionally choking him into unconsciousness._
> 
> _The images began to speed up again.  He saw his chess games with Cam Mitchell and felt that he was happy.  Then the rage kicked in again when Cam had given Sam a friendly hug._
> 
> _He watched as he went through speech therapy and how happy he was when he could say Sam’s name without the stutter.  That feeling lasted all of three minutes.  Sam had sat him down to talk with him._
> 
> _“I’m moving off base, I have an apartment in the city.  It’s close to where you will be.  I just can’t stay here at night any longer.”_
> 
> _The shock and panic on his face made Sam cringe._
> 
> _“Please understand, Daniel.  It’s not you.  The doctors and I feel you would do better without me as a distraction.  I’m not leaving you, just giving you some space.  Like it was before, in Oregon, remember?  You stayed at the home and I came everyday to see you.”_
> 
> _His breathing became erratic and he started rocking back and forth hugging himself as he always did when he was upset.  When Sam reached out to touch him, he jumped up and ran away from her.  She went after him as he tore into the room that they had been sharing at night.  Looking around, Daniel saw that all of her things were gone._
> 
> _“ **Nooooo!**   Noooo!” he cried._
> 
> _Sam touched his back gently, “I’ll be here with you during the day…”_

Shifu removed his hand from Daniel’s head and pulled the man into a sitting position.

 _“_ _Daniel, the things you will now see are very recent.  They are also very disturbing.  But you must see them in order to complete your journey.”_

He whimpered piteously, “No more, Shifu, please.  I don’t like that man.  He’s not me, not who I am.”

 _“_ _No, he is not, Daniel.  That is why you have been brought here.  To understand not only what you have been through, but also what those that love you have suffered,”_ Shifu told him compassionately.

Placing his hand on Daniel’s head again, Shifu let the memories begin.

 

> _Daniel watched in shock as he saw himself cutting his own arm with broken glass.  Then how Jack had talked him down and got him back from the edge._
> 
> _The next scene was that of he and Sam dancing to music that he had picked out to let her know how he felt.  To say the words, he couldn’t.  He was filled with the passion that burned within his ‘memory self’ as he and Sam made love for the first time in months.  The utter joy he felt when the baby in Sam’s belly moved beneath his head._
> 
> _Then it all disappeared._
> 
> _The rage came upon him again when he saw Jack and Sam hugging.  He heard his primal screams as he ripped his lover from the arms of another man and then started to beat his best friend._
> 
> Daniel thought for sure he would die right there under Shifu’s hand.  Yet all the previous memories were a minor sorrow compared with what he saw next.
> 
> _Sam jumped up to stop the archeologist from hurting Jack.  When she put a hand on Daniel’s arm, he spun around in a blind rage and punched her full force in the stomach._

“ **NOOOOO!!!!!  STOP THIS!!!** ” Daniel screamed out, shoving Shifu away from him.But the images kept coming.

 

> _Daniel knew something extremely bad was about to be reviled to him. And Jack's voice came in loud and clear…_
> 
> _“Daniel, the baby Sam was carrying, your baby… is dead. When you hit her in the stomach… you killed the…”_

Weeping inconsolably, Daniel curled into the fetal position.  The only conscious awareness he had was Shifu’s hand on his back.  Time was no longer passing.  Daniel didn’t know what he could do to make things right now.  He wondered if maybe he shouldn’t even try.

He had finally been with the woman he loved.  The one he had pined over for years and was soon to have a child with.  And now he has hurt her— more than any System Lord or Ori priest could have.  How could Oma have ever thought that he was _noble_ enough to ascend.

He didn’t even like himself.  He just never realized how unstable and violent he truly was at the core of his being.

 _“_ _Daniel,”_ Shifu’s voice came to him from far away, _“_ _you are a virtuous man.  You have overcome more than any other human could even imagine.  Now you need to find that resolve again and embrace it.  You have someone that needs you.”_

“How can I go back to her?  I killed her baby.  I’ve done something that I can’t even forgive myself for.  How could I ask her to forgive me?  How could I believe it if she did?”

_“Because she loves you more than you will ever know, Daniel.”_

Daniel opened his eyes when he heard that voice.  Oma was kneeling beside him, smiling.

  
And high up above or down below  
When you're too in love to let it go  
If you never try, then you'll never know  
Just what you're worth  
  
Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you 

* * *

 

The brightness of the lights was overwhelming.  Jack blinked several times trying to get his eyes to work.  He felt as if he knew this light… had seen it before.  Looking around, he realized that he was no longer in his office being yelled at by General Landry.  No, he was on a different plain of reality altogether.  How and why he was there, was still a mystery.

“Jack,” a voice called to him.

He turned and saw Daniel with Oma and the boy, Shifu, well young man now.  Cocking his head, he approached the trio.

“Daniel,” he answered in his no nonsense tone, “what’s going on?”

Oma was the one that answered him, _“I have brought you here, Jack O’Neill.”_

Jack nodded slightly then asked, “Why?”

Daniel moved forward only to stop when Jack step away from him.  That act sent waves of grief crashing through the archeologist.  His shoulders drooping and wrapped his arms around himself, Daniel looked down.  He knew this was going to be difficult, but he wasn’t ready for Jack’s obvious rejection.

Turning to Oma, Daniel mumbled, “I can’t do this.  After what I did, Oma, how can I?”

She smiled that annoying, all knowing grin of hers, _“When wandering alone, parted from loving friends.  When the shapes of empty thoughts collide, and overwhelm you.  Put forth the power of divine compassion.  Approach it with neither trepidation nor terror, for you will find peace in the truth of the judgment.”_

Closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose, Daniel heaved a deep sigh.  Turning again to Jack, he bit his lip in concentration of what he wanted to say.

Swallowing the lump that formed in his throat, Daniel looked at anything but Jack.

“Oma has brought you here so I could… ask for your… forgiveness,” he spoke quietly, voice filled with dread at what his friend would say to this.

Jack stared at him.  He really didn’t know what to think.

“Ask for _my_ forgiveness?  I just took some punches.  It’s Carter that you’ve nearly killed.  She hasn’t said a word since you… you know,” Jack paused a moment, “or, do you know?  Do you remember what happened?”

Daniel staggered away.  He couldn’t do this.  He just wanted to disappear, crawl away, and never be any trouble for anyone again.

“Yes,” Daniel mumbled as the tears again shown in his eyes.

Watching his friend fight with the internal demons that were attacking him, Jack moved to Daniel side.  Pulling him into a hug, he spoke quietly to him.

“I will always be here for you, Daniel, just like you have always been there for me.  I know that the things you’ve been doing are not really your fault.  It’s just so hard on the rest of us, seeing you in this state.  Not knowing if… you will ever get back to being… well, you.

“Forgiveness is going to be hard, I won’t lie to you.  But I will help you in any way I can.”

Jack pulled away from his friend, seeing the shame on his wet face.

“I can’t guarantee that Sam will totally understand, but I know that she loves you.  It’ll be long and difficult to rebuild your relationship with her.”

Sniffling like a child, Daniel wiped his hands across his face, “I don’t think I will even ask her to… stay with me.  Not after…”

“Daniel,” Jack took his shoulders and gave him a shake, “don’t underestimate Sam’s love.  That’s the mistake I made with Sarah when Charlie died.”

Jack turned to Oma and Shifu, “When he comes back, will he be… you know… normal?”

 _“What is normal?”_ Oma asked.

Rolling his eyes Jack scowled at the Ancient, “Will he be back to the way he was _before_ he was shot in the head?!”

Shifu smiled at the irritated general, _“He will not.  However…”_ he glanced at Oma.  When she nodded her agreement, he continued, _“_ _we will heal him from some of the violence that has taken over.  It is, in a way, my fault.”_

Both men stared at Shifu looking for clarification.  The boy smiled and answered, _“_ _The violence he has been dealing with was never his in the first place.  It was a remnant from when I was teaching him of the evil in the Goa’uld.  These urges, will be lessened, but not wholly gone.”_

Oma then placed a hand on Daniel’s back, _“Daniel, when you return, you will still not be able to understand everything that has happened to you.  And the road you are on will still be long and hard.  But with the help of your friends and Samantha, will you be able to recover sufficiently.”_

Daniel nodded his understanding, but Jack wasn’t so sure.

“But will he be back to his old self?  I mean, the one doctor said he would never fully recover,” Jack’s voice sounded pleading.  “Can you make it so he will?”

 _“I cannot.  But I believe that Daniel can overcome anything he puts his mind too,”_ she replied.

“That’s for sure,” looking at his friend, Jack ruffled his hair like he used to.  “The most stubborn man I’ve ever met.”

“I still don’t think I can do this,” Daniel mumbled.  “Face Sam and, and, try to…”  He looked away from everyone, burying his face in his hands again.  “Please, Oma, just let me die.  I don’t deserve to ascend, and I really don’t want to screw-up Sam’s life.  It’d just be better for everyone if I just… disappeared.”

Jack grabbed Daniel’s face with both hands and looked into his eyes.  Daniel tried to pull away from him, but the general would not let him.

Through clenched teeth, Jack growled, “I don’t ever want to hear that from you again, Danny!  Now, you’re comin’ home with me, and you will get better.  We will help Sam get through this… together.  Do you understand me?”

Daniel didn’t respond.

Jack shook his friend firmly and asked again, “Do you understand me?”

Eyes downcast and with a shudder, Daniel nodded.

Jack put his arm around his broken friend’s shoulder, “It’s time to come home then, Danny.”

Oma smiled at them and the light began to intensify.

_“The road is hard and the journey long, but with the lasting ties of true friendship, all will seem as if it were only a moment in time.”_

 

Tears stream down your face  
When you lose something you cannot replace  
Tears stream down your face  
And I...

Tears stream down your face  
I promise you that I'll learn from my mistakes  
Tears stream down your face  
And I...  
  
Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you


	5. Chapter Five – Iris

“… and so, Jack, I will not bring up charges against you.  But this whole incident should have been avoided,” General Hank Landry said.

Jack looked at him in complete confusion.  He shook his head, trying to clear it.  Blinking his eyes, he scowled.  He had no idea what the General had just told him.  He wasn’t even sure how long he hadn’t been listening to the man.  Jack was with Daniel in _Omaland_.

“Jack?” Landry watched him with concern, “are you, all right?”

“Hmmm?” O’Neill finally came back to his senses.  “Yes, sir.  I just spaced out there for a minute.  I’m sorry, sir… but I have to go and see Daniel.  Now.”

Jack got up to leave when Colonel Mitchell grabbed his arm.

“Sir?” Cam questioned General Landry.

Nodding his approval, the General replied, “It’s okay, Colonel.  But I want you to stay with him.”

Snapping off a salute, the two men left and headed to the infirmary.  Jack still looked as if he was light-years away.  As Cam followed his CO, he watched him closely.  Something had changed, but he wasn’t sure what.  O’Neill seemed to be moving like he was in a dream.

When they reached the infirmary, Dr. Lam looked up and gave the two men a warning glare.  Jack ignored her and went right over to Daniel.  He stopped just short of the archeologist’s bed and turned to Mitchell.

“I need to talk to him alone.”

Mitchell cocked his head giving him a wary look.  “Sir?”

“It’s okay.  I’m not going to do anything but talk.  You can stay right here, I just want some privacy,” he said.

Nodding his acceptance, Mitchell backed off.

O’Neill pulled up a stool and sat next to Daniel, who was still comatose.  Looking at the damage he caused to his face, Jack felt ashamed that he had attacked his friend.  Oma told Daniel that his healing was going to be hard, and Jack knew they were in for a rough ride.

“Daniel, you can wake up now.  I’m here,” Jack whispered.

A few moments later, sad, unfocused blue eyes opened.  Looking around, Daniel’s gaze rested on Jack.  Immediately, he began to sob.  Jack was up holding onto him tightly.  He unstrapped the restraints from Daniel’s wrists.

“Shhhh, Danny,” he soothed, “we’re gonna get through this.  Some way… somehow, we _will_ get through this.”

It was several long minutes before Jack felt Daniel calm a little.  Sitting back, he looked into the bruised and beaten face of the man before him.  With a small smile, he reached out and ruffled Daniel’s hair.

“You back with me now?”

A slow nod was his only answer.

“Do you remember anything that happened?” Jack questioned him, not sure if he should bring up their visit with Oma and Shifu.

Closing his eyes, Daniel concentrated for a moment then said, “Oma.”

He said so quietly, Jack almost didn’t hear.

“Yeah, that’s right.  You were with Oma.  And Shifu too.  You remember what she told you?”

Daniel pulled his knees up to his chest wrapping his arms around them and began to rock.  The tears were leaking from his eyes again.

“Sam.  Hhhh … hurt Sam… b, baby.  Hurt… y, you,” he whispered with such deep sorrow it broke Jack’s heart.

“You forgot one,” Jack said quietly.  “You hurt yourself too.”

Daniel shrugged at this, “Me… no… mmmma… ter.”

Jack grabbed his shoulders, stopping his rocking and made Daniel look at him, “That is NOT true.”

Sitting back, Jack studied his companions face.  He could tell that Daniel wasn’t buying it.

“You always do that, don’t you?  You always sell yourself short.  Not considering that you are worth just as much as anyone else and a damn sight more than quite a few I know personally.  You have to stop doing that.” he said gently.

When he didn’t get any response, he continued, “Daniel, you need to try.  No one else can help you get back to the way you were.  And Sam is going to need awhile to come to her own terms with all this also.  In the meantime, you need to get your head on straight.”

Jack watched Daniel’s face to gage his reaction.  The miserable blue eyes stared at a spot somewhere on the bed.  Daniel gave Jack a slight nod and shrug.

With a friendly slap to Daniel’s shoulder, Jack grinned at him and said, “Good.  Now, I am going to check on The Center and see if they are ready for you yet.  It’s time to get the ball rolling on the help you need and get you back to your old brilliant self again.  I’m going to insist that Sam get counseling also.  She’s gonna need it to help her through this whole pile of shit.”

Jack noticed how Daniel tensed.  He buried his head in his arms again.

“Hey,” O’Neill’s voice was soft, as if talking to a child, “I told you this was going to be hard.  But, the Daniel I know would never back down from any challenge.”

The younger man didn’t look up, but began to rock back and forth again.  Jack could hear him whimpering Sam’s name over and over.

“Daniel, look at me…” lifting his chin so that he had to look Jack in the eye, he continued, “we will get through this.  You, Sam, and me.  We’ve been through some pretty serious crap together and we always came out the other side relatively intact.  Ya gotta dig deep, Danny.  You know you can or Oma and Shifu wouldn’t have come to help.  Understand?”

Still whimpering softly, Daniel nodded his head.  He looked so tired and worn out.

Jack nodded back at him, “Get some sleep.  I’ll come back and talk to you later.”

Lying back down on his bed, Daniel curled up into a ball, hugging a pillow, and rocked himself to sleep.

* * *

 

Jack’s next stop was Carter.  Mitchell tagged along also.  Neither man spoke on the walk to their friend and teammate’s room.  They found her sitting up and toying with a tray of food.  Vala was beside her eating some toast when she greeted them

“Hey guys,” Vala said a little too cheerily.

General O’Neill gave Mitchell a meaningful glance.

“Hey, Vala,” Cam said, “let’s go get some coffee.”

For once, she understood exactly what was being done and didn’t object.  Getting off her stool, she gave Sam a quick hug and walked out with her arm wrapped around Cam’s.

Once they were alone, Sam turned red rimmed eyes to her friend.  Jack was sad to see her bright, beautiful blue eyes looking dull and almost dead.  It reminded him of how his looked every time he stared into a mirror after his son’s death.  Setting down next to the bed, Jack took hold of Sam’s hand.

“I’m not going to ask how you are, it seems kind a pointless.  But, I do want to ask what’s going through your head right now?”

She was quiet for a long time.  O’Neill didn’t break the silence, letting her gather her thoughts.  When she finally spoke, her voice was rough.

“I’m not sure, sir.  It’s all so mixed up in there.”

Jack nodded.  He knew that feeling all too well.  Following the loss of Charlie, he had a hell of a time trying to get his feelings and thoughts to make any sense.  He gave Sam a small smile and squeezed her hand.

“I’m here for you, Sam.  And even though, being a guy, I don’t completely know how you feel; I do know what it’s like to lose a child.”

Sam shook her head and softly said, “Oh, sir.  What you went through with Charlie would have been far more devastating.  You had him for eight years.  I only had…”

She stopped, unable to rein in her emotions.  Jack got up and sat on the bed with her, wrapping his arms around her tightly.

“No, Sam.  It’s not the same.  But it still hurts more than anything else could.  And to have the added grief of … who…” he paused.  He wanted to say the right words this time, and not just rush head long into sticking his foot in his mouth.  “The added grief of how this happened… it’s more than anyone could take.”

Sam broke.  Burying her head on his shoulder, she cried.

“I’m so confused, Jack,” she sobbed.  “I love Daniel so much… and, right now I hate him more than anything…”

Taking a shuddering breath, she leaned back to look her friend in the face.  “My mind knows that it really wasn’t his fault.  That he didn’t realize what he was doing, but my heart… in my heart… I just want to beat the living shit out of him!”

Jack was taken aback by the venom in Sam’s voice.

“First I want to beat him for telling me that he loved me.  Then because he made it so easy for me to fall in love with him,” she continued, progressively getting more irritated, “then I want to beat him for going into that ally in the first place.  For always looking out for everyone else, never thinking of himself.  Or… or, the people who… who love him…”  With an anguished cry, Sam again fell into Jack’s arms.

“Oh god, Jack… I love him!” she choked out, then through clenched teeth, she spat, “And I hate him!”

Jack knew the only thing he could really do was hold her and listen.  Nothing he could say would ever help in this situation.  At least, not from him.  Rocking her gently and rubbing her back, he only murmured soft comforts into her hair.  This was not going to be easy on him.  With her distraught in his arms, a small voice inside his heart told him that he was a fool for not pursuing this wonderful woman.

Then to add to his distress, the evil Jack thoughts jumped in and wanted him to tell her with great pride that he **HAD** beat the shit out of Daniel _for_ her.  Quickly brushing that idea away, Jack bit his tongue and remained silent.

He stayed with Carter for quite a while.  They didn’t talk about Daniel or what happened.  It was just casual conversation.  Relaxed.  Jack actually beamed when he got Sam to laugh.  He knew that he was going to have to broach the subject of her seeing a therapist.  But right now, he was happy that she seemed to be doing a little better.

As they laughed and played some cards together, neither of them noticed that they were being watched.  From the corner of the hallway, Daniel stood silently.  He watched his friend and the woman he loved, in an easy, comfortable conversation.  He felt all was hopeless.  He wouldn’t be able to talk with her like that anymore.  He knew the blame for the death of their baby rested solely on him.  All he wanted was to ask for forgiveness.  Then maybe at least his friendship with Sam could be salvaged.

Taking a deep breath, Daniel slowly walked into the room.  Head down, arms tightly wrapped around himself, he shuffled towards her bed.

Both Jack and Sam were startled when they saw him coming in.  Jack immediately stood up, backing to the foot of Carter’s bed.  He watched them warily, looking for any signs of aggression.  What he saw on her face was a battle for emotional supremacy.  Jack wondered which would win.  Love… or… hate.

Daniel stopped about three feet from Sam’s bed.  He was shaking all over.  Jack could see a sheen of sweat covering his face.  Without looking at her, he held out a piece of paper.

Daniel quietly spoke, “Ssss… Sam…” he closed his eyes tight, willing the words to come.  “Ssssorry.  Mmmme ssssorry.”

Daniel then turned and bolted out of the room.  Jack glanced at Sam, to see her reaction.  Her face was sad and she started to cry, but there was softness to her as well.

She looked up at Jack, and said, “Go… be with him, please.”

Jack nodded and left to check on Daniel.  Sam settled back to try and put all her thoughts and feelings in order.  She looked at the paper that Daniel had given.  To her surprise it was a note he had tried to write.  Tears filled her eyes when she saw his once beautiful hand writing reduced to the scrawl of a five-year-old.

The note was poorly written but he had taken great pains in transcribing a song for her.  Sam’s heart become heavy.  Daniel was trying so hard to apologize.

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNO6yd66PpA>

* * *

Jack thought that he would have to search for his distraught linguist, but found him in the first place he looked.  Daniel was in his office, sitting with his head down, and tracing patters in the sand of a Chinese rock garden with is finger.  Jack sat down beside him, shoulder to shoulder.

“I sssorry, J, Jack,” he mumbled, “hhhhitting you.  Cccausing… pr, pr, pr-blems…”

He watched Daniel make designs in the sand.  They resembled hieroglyphics.  Side by side they sat in silence.  O’Neill was trying to figure out what to say to his friend.  Psycho-babble was not his forte.

“That was a good thing you said, Danny.  I know Sam appreciated it.  And that it was real hard for you to do.”

Daniel grunted his reply, “No… mmmmatter.  Hhhhhatesss mmme.”

“No, Daniel,” Jack soothed, “she doesn’t hate you.  Not really.  She’s just hurting real bad right now.  Like you are.”

Jack looked at Daniel.  His face was twisted in anguish and remorse.

“I ggggo way. Go, cccenter.  No look Sam,” tears leaked from his eyes as he said softly, “bbb-est.”

Jack couldn’t disagree.  He knew having Daniel at the _Air Force Academy Mental and Behavioral Center_ was the best way to defuse some of the situation.  Having him off base to get the help he needed had to happen soon.

Even with Oma and Shifu’s assurances that the violence in his friend would not be as bad, everything that Jack had read about his condition said that there could still be episodes.  And Daniel’s self-loathing would just escalate into hurting himself.

The General watched him for a moment longer, then clapped him on the shoulder.

“I’ll light a fire under the necessary ass’ to get The Center open for you.  I promise.”

Daniel nodded, “’Kay, Jjjack.”

* * *

 

It was going to be three weeks before they would be able to move Daniel to the _AFA M &D Center._  When Jack was invited to check it out, he jumped at the opportunity.  The Air Force Academy was a beautiful campus and any reason for the General to go there was a pleasure.

The moment O’Neill pulled up to The Center, he grinned.  This just might be the place.  It was a modern facility with no hint of _hospital_ about it.  There were lots of trees and a commanding view of the mountains.  As he approached the front door, a casually dressed young man came out and greeted Jack with a winning smile.

“General O’Neill!” his voice was deep and warm, “Welcome to _The Center_.  Dr. Jordan Cruz, and I’m pleased to meet you.”

Thrusting his hand out to Jack, he took the General’s in a tight, confident grasp.  Jack liked him immediately.

“Dr. Cruz…”

“Jordan, please,” the young man interrupted.

Smiling, O’Neill nodded, “Jordan.  Jack.  This is impressive considering the short amount of time for it to be built,” he said waving his hand around.

“Thanks.  We’ve tried real hard to make this place a home and not have the _mental asylum_ vibe to it.  I find it much more conducive to getting our residents back on their feet.”

O’Neill chuckled also, then grew serious.  He had a list of questions, and now was as go a time as any.

“So, how many people are going to be living here?”

Jordan laughed again, “Let’s go inside, Jack, and you can hit me with all the questions you have.”

“Sounds good.”

The General followed the young man in.  Jack was just as impressed with inside as Jordan gave him a brief tour.  Comfortable and accepting.  There were plenty of windows letting in the sun and scenery.  It smelled new, but not sterile like a hospital.  Jack could saw some of the meeting rooms which were kind of small and filled with comfortable chairs and a few large beanbags to sit on.  The common room was furnished with a large screen TV, couches, armchairs and had a great view of the famous Air Force Academy Chapel building.  There was also a workout room and in the lower level was pool.

Jordan led him to an office at the back, overlooking a large fenced in yard.  As Jack scanned the room, he knew that Daniel would have a field day in here, just checking out all the books.  The shelves reached floor to ceiling and there was not one open space to be seen.  A large, over stuffed leather armchair sat in a corner with a reading lamp and small table next to it.

Jordan sat in front of a large solid oak desk and indicated Jack to sit next to him.

“I don’t like sitting behind the desk when clients come in.  It seems so… cold.  Like I’m telling you that I’m better then you somehow.”

O’Neill knew that he was going to get along this guy tremendously.  He was honest and open.

“So… Jack.  Why don’t you hit me with that list of questions I know you have?”

Jack smiled and nodded, “Okay.  You don’t really seem like the head-shrinking type.  How did you manage to wrangle this gig?”

Laughing, Jordan said, “I’ve always been interested in what makes people, particularly soldiers, tick.  The overwhelming need for qualified psychiatrist to help our returning men and women spurred me to specialize in PTSD.  When I heard about this place opening, I jumped at the chance to be a part of it.  My methods are a little unconventional, but the powers that be seemed to think I was perfect for what they needed.”

O’Neill considered what he was told for a moment and then fixed Jordan with an official stare.  “The thing is, Daniel needs a doctor that has a pretty high-level security clearance.  Even though he is a civilian, his former job was in a strictly _need to know_ outfit.  I know that you may have a small amount of information about our program, but do you have any doctors here with the necessary clearance?”

“Ah,” Jordan nodded, as he stood to walk behind his desk.  Rummaging around in it for a moment, he smiled once he found what he was looking for.  Sitting back down opposite Jack he tossed a small badge over to the general.  Jack looked at it with shock.

“This is pretty high level,” he said eyeing the man more carefully.

“Lt. Commander Jordan Cruz, United States Navy, semi-retired.”

Jack grinned.

“I was a psychologist onboard a test sub for six months, hence the level of clearance.  And I’m still attached to the J.A.G. as a consultant.  Will that be good enough for you, sir?” his tone was not nasty, but playful.

General O’Neill smiled, “Yeah… it’ll due, Jordan.  Provided that you are the one running Daniel’s sessions.”

Jordan answered in the affirmative, “I will be.  And I will monitor all his therapy sessions also.  So, what else can I answer for you?”

“I know this place hasn’t opened yet, but I’m sure there’s a waiting list for patients, how many will be here?”

“First, the clients will be referred to as residents.  Not so much stigma around that word.  Right now only three will be here to start out.  By the end of the year, we’ll have around 50. Currently I have a staff of six that live on site, including myself.  There’s also four other employees that won’t live here, but come and go as needed.  We’ll also have some students from the Academy working here for credit, but they won’t be involved with individual sessions.”

“Can you let me know about the other residents?”

For the first time, Jordan’s face went from open and friendly to very professional.  “Now, Jack, I can’t break patient/doctor confidentiality.  You know that.”

“Yes, I’m sorry.  I just meant are the others all veterans or active duty?  Will there be any civilians like Daniel?”

“One is, yes.  The other two are vets coming home from Iraq.  We will monitor them closely for any aggressive tendencies and watch very closely for suicidal signs.  And Daniel won’t be the only one with Broca’s Aphasia.”

“So you are aware, Daniel, has been having bouts of violence and anger management problems.  Most of the time he will take it out on himself by cutting or scratching, but sometime… well it… it gets out’a hand.”

Jordon nodded, “That’s not unusual for Broca’s Aphasia.  We will have a security camera in his room to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself.  And one of our staff is a specialist in dealing with all aspects of Aphasia

“We’ll start him on some meds that will help even out his moods.  Nothing to powerful,” Jordon said quickly seeing O’Neill’s look of protest.  “I don’t like doping my residents.”

Jack thought for a moment, then nodded, “Okay.  So when can I bring him here?”

“This weekend if that’s good with you.  The others will be here tomorrow and I like to have a little time in between so we can get them acclimated to their new surroundings.  And I’ll need all of Daniel’s medical files.  Not just the ones from his recent accident, but _all_ of them… childhood on up.  I know about the Stargate and some of the crazy shit you guys get into up on the mountain, so I’ll need to know about any alien stuff too.”

“I’ll make sure Dr. Lam gets it all together for me and send it over right away.  Um, will Dr. MacKenzie be involved with his treatment in any way?”

“Dr. James MacKenzie?” Jordon asked with a slight smile.

“Yeah.”

“No… he will not.  MacKenzie is a good doctor, but… well, let’s just say, he’s a bit too _old school_ for me.  He may come and go from time to time, but only in an advisory capacity.”

“Good,” Jack said as he stood up.  “That guy just sets my teeth on edge.  So, Saturday?”

Laughing, Jordon also stood and took O’Neill’s extended hand, “You and me both, Jack!  And Saturday afternoon will be fine.  I can’t wait to meet Daniel.”

As Jack left the campus grounds, his mind was more at ease than it had been for the last several weeks.

The rest of the day, Jack spent gathering medical and psychological reports on Daniel to send to Jordan.  He felt very confident this was the first step in getting his family back together.  He took all the information that Jordan had given him home that afternoon to read and the forms to fill out on Daniel’s behalf.  Most of info was the usual military PR, but after talking and seeing _The Center_ , he was sure things were going to work out.  Then again, he had thought just bringing Carter and Daniel home was going to work out.  All he had left was hope.  A hope he’d get his friend back.  A hope that Sam would heal.

* * *

 

Daniel had retreated back into his shell the last three weeks.  He spoke to no one, wouldn’t look at anyone, barely ate and was usually found curled up in a corner rocking.  His speech therapy went nowhere and his occupational therapy didn’t even come close to how well he had been doing.  Dr. MacKenzie informed O’Neill that he was regressing at an alarming rate.  After his apology to Sam, he didn’t see her again.

Jack asked, then told, then finally ordered Sam to go and stay with her brother for a few weeks.  He surmised that the distance between she and Daniel would only grow if they were in the same place.  This way, with Sam in San Diego and Daniel moving into his new home, maybe their souls would begin to mend.

Friday evening he and Daniel went to dinner in the cafeteria.  Jack wanted to tell him again all about The Center where he’d be moved to the next day.  After they sat and ate in silence for awhile, O’Neill reached out and pulled Daniel’s head up to have him looking at the older man.

“Daniel, you understand that this is the best thing for you, right?  You’re going to love it there.  It’s a nice place,” Jack’s tone was soft.

Daniel looked at first as if he was going to bolt.  His eyes went wild and he started to chew his lip, rocking in his chair.

“Danny,” Jack spoke again, this time a little more stern, “we talked about this, remember?  You said yourself that you thought it would be a good idea.”

Lowering his gaze to the table, Daniel nodded his acceptance, “W…  wwwhen?”

With a small smile, O’Neill patted his friend on the shoulder, “Tomorrow afternoon.  And… I just found out that your speech therapist, Brooke, she’s gonna be there.  She’ll still be working with you.”

Daniel was surprised.  He really liked Brooke, and that kind of made things a little better.  Still, he had secretly hoped he’d be able to see Sam again.  Maybe try to talk to her.

“Sam?” he asked quietly.

Jack sighed.  He hadn’t told him that Sam wasn’t even in Colorado.  MacKenzie thought it would push Daniel even further into his shell.

“Um… Daniel, I told Sam to go and visit her brother for awhile.  She’s in San Diego,” he said, then waited for his friend to fly into a rage.

Daniel only nodded and continued picking at his food.  Shocked, Jack watched him for a time, thinking it was going to be a slow-motion explosion.  But nothing happened.  Maybe Shifu and Oma really did take all the fight out of him.

Then he remembered what Sam had told him happened the morning she and Daniel were coming back to the mountain.  He made a mental note to make sure Dr. Lam would be on hand with some sedatives, just in case Daniel freaked out.

* * *

 

For three weeks, Samantha Carter threw herself into being an aunt.  She doted on her brother’s kids, spoiling them unremittingly.  She was doing exactly what Jack figured she would.  Burying her pain.  But Sam felt it was actually the best therapy for her.  When she arrived at her brother’s, all she wanted to do was forget, and her niece and nephew was just the distraction she needed.

Sam did go to a grief counselor every day, as that was part of her orders from O’Neill, but she would only talk of how losing the baby was making her feel.  Never about _how_ she lost her unborn child or _who_ caused the fatality.  The counselor knew progress for her was becoming stagnant and decided to venture into the little touched subject of _Daniel_.  On that day, Sam clammed up tight and wouldn’t give an inch.

After that session, Sam was in a foul mood and instead of going back to the house, she went to a park.  She couldn’t face the kids feeling the way she was.  Sitting on a swing, she began to examine her real feelings about Daniel and what had happened.

Did she still love Daniel?  Yes.  Did she still want a life with him?  She wasn’t sure yet.  Did she still want to beat the shit out of him?  Sometimes.  But she wasn’t sure why.  If it was for what happened the day she lost the baby, or was it for getting shot in that alley in the first place?  And was she being fair to him or herself?

Softly crying Sam was startled when a hand rested on her shoulder.

“Sam?” a very familiar voice came from behind her.

Turning, Sam’s face lit up, “Pete!”  She was off the swing and hugging Pete fiercely

“Whoa there,” he laughed, “take it easy!  It’s not really smiled on if you strangle a cop.”

She let go, backed up and wiping her face off as she beamed at him.  Sam managed to choke out, “It’s so good to see you!”

“You too.  But… what’s wrong?  Why are you here and more importantly, why are you crying?”

Taking his hand, they walked to a park bench and sat down.  Sam was quiet for a long time.  She really didn’t know where to begin.

“Sam?” Pete gently turned her face towards him.  “What is it?”

Trying to keep her emotions at bay, she sighed heavily, “It’s a long story, Pete.”

Grinning at her, he said, “Well, I’m off duty and there’s a coffee shop just around the corner.”

When she realized he wasn’t going to let her get away with not talking to him, she nodded.  Pete took her hand and guided her to the coffee shop.  After ordering their drinks they found a quiet corner by a fireplace.

“So,” Pete said, “what has happened to make my…” he paused, “make you so unhappy?”

Sam noticed that he was about to say, _my girl_ , then stopped.  She smiled inwardly, then the weight of everything that had happened over the last few weeks came down with a crash.  Tears leaked from her eyes as she took a steadying breath.

“About six months ago, I started seeing someone…” she paused, not sure if she should tell him who.

“That’s great!” he really sounded pleased and it cut through her like a knife.  Seeing that she wasn’t happy about it, he added, “That’s _not_ great?”

She sniffed, took a drink of coffee and tried again, “It started out wonderfully!  He was so sweet and gentle, like nothing I had ever expected.  But… one night, after we were at the movies, we were walking back to the car and he heard someone that needed help.  In the process, he got shot.”

“Oh, Sam!” Pete whispered and wrapped his arms around her, “I’m so sorry.”

“He didn’t die,” she told him into his shoulder.

“No?”

“He was in a coma for two months.  Now he’s awake, but he is not the same man.  Because of the lack of oxygen to his brain, he developed several… behavioral issues.  And he tends to get violent.”

“Has he hit you?” Pete tried to keep the hint of anger out of his voice, but Sam did notice it.

“Not intentionally,” she placed her hand on his to calm him down.  “While he was in a coma, I found out that I was pregnant.”

Pete lifted an eyebrow, “Great?”

“It was.”

“Was?”

Sam let out a sob and leaned into Pete’s arms.  “One morning… he lost control and attacked General O’Neill.  I went to try and calm him down.  He really didn’t know what he was doing— he was in such a rage…”

Then it dawned on Pete.  He pulled back and looked into Sam’s eyes, “He hit you and you miscarried… right?”

She nodded and sobbed again.

“Bastard!” he said through clenched teeth.  “I bet ol’ Jack wanted to kill him, huh?”

She shook her head no.

“No?”  Then realization hit him, “Daniel?  You’re talking about… Daniel Jackson?  No way!”

Sam shook all over with emotion.  This was the first time she actually talked about that morning aloud.  Pete held her tight until she relaxed.

“Oh, Sam.  I wish there was something I could do or say to make the pain go.  I’m so sorry this happened to you.”  He sat back and took her face in his hands, “If you need a shoulder to cry on… anytime.”

She smiled warmly at him, “Thanks, Pete.  That means a lot to me.  Right now, I just have to figure out what I’m going to do.  What I’m feeling towards Daniel.  It’s all just so confusing.”

“Do you still love him?” he asked.

She was quiet for a very long time.  Pete caressed her cheek and brought her face up to meet his.  With a gentle kiss on her lips he whispered, “I still love you, Samantha Carter.  But I think that you are very much in love with Daniel.”

For the first time in weeks, Sam’s heart broke the barriers down and screamed into her soul, YES.

Looking Pete in the eyes, she nodded, “Yes, I _do_ still love him.  But I’m not sure if I could still be a part of his life.”

Just then, Pete did something that was totally unexpected.  Pulling away, he fixed her with a hard glare.

“I never took you for being unsympathetic.  Determined, unwavering, in command of your own destiny…  but never so focused on yourself that you would abandon the one you loved.”

Sam was taken aback.  Almost angry.  How dare he!  What the hell did he know about the whole situation?  What she’s gone through.  The waiting for Daniel to wake up.  The days of having to feed him, dress him, clean him up. 

Then the weeks of watching as his once brilliant mind spun out of control, plummeting the soft spoken, compassionate man into a raging time bomb.  The glimmer of hope that would flare up every so often, having her believe Daniel was coming back around, only to have him crash and burn again and again.

This was worse than all the times she thought he was dead.  Because he wasn’t dead this time, and yet, he kind of was.  The Daniel she fell in love with, the one she had known for ten plus years, _was_ truly gone and most likely never to return.

How dare Pete tell her she was thinking only of herself?  She was a realist.  Daniel was gone.  And with him, her baby…

As Sam considered his hard words, a realization dawned on her.  If Daniel wasn’t really the same person she was in love with… then _this_ Daniel, the one here and now, _he_ caused the baby’s death.  Not _her_ Daniel.  And _her_ Daniel, maybe, just maybe, could still be reached.

As all of this flooded into Sam’s mind, the song that was playing over the speakers filtered into her thoughts.

__  
And I don’t want the world to see me  
´Cause I don’t think that they’d understand  
When everything’s made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am  
  


She remembered the carefully written note that Daniel had given to her the day after she lost the baby.  He was trying to tell her that he was in there somewhere and he needed her to help him find his way.

Crying softly, she buried her head in her hands.

“You’re right.  I am selfish,” she sobbed, “and I really _do_ love him.”

“Then why are you here?” Pete asked her gently, “He’s going to need you.  It was his baby too, you know.  If Daniel understands that he caused the miscarriage, he’ll be hurting just as much as you are.  Maybe more because he really didn’t know what he was doing.”

Sam stared at Pete amazed.  She really hadn’t thought about the fact that Daniel, in his current state of turmoil, would be just as wounded she was.

“Pete, you are wonderful.  I’m so sorry that I hurt you,” she cried.

“Hey.  It’s okay.  I’m okay.  I’m seeing someone too.  And it’s working out nicely.”

Smiling, Sam kissed him, “That’s great.  I’m happy for you.”

Exchanging address’, they parted ways with the promise to stay in touch.  Even though it had only been three weeks, she decided that it was time to go back.  Going back to work would be the best thing to do.  She needed the distraction of missions and inventions.  It was how she got through the death of her father, Janet and the times that Daniel was gone.

Thinking of Daniel, she paused… was she _really_ ready for that?  Dealing with him again?  Sam knew that Jack was going to get The Center to pick up the pace so Daniel could move in.  He wouldn’t be around the base and that would still give her time to work out her feelings.  She also decided that she would continue with therapy, no matter how much she hated it.

Yes, it was time for her to go home.  Time for her to _man-up_ and deal with everything that has happened.

* * *

 

When morning came, Jack O’Neill was prepared for the worst.  When he entered Daniel’s room, he thoroughly expected him to be in full rampage.  Instead, he was sitting on his bed, his duffle bag packed.  The only thing that hinted to his unease was his leg shaking, and he was biting his lip.  With an unbelieving smile, Jack sat down next to his friend.

“Who are you and what have you done with Daniel Jackson?” he joked.

When he didn’t respond, Jack sighed.  “You’re all ready, huh?”

Daniel gave him a small nod.

O’Neill threw his arm over the archeologist’s shoulders, “Everything will be all right, Danny.  I promise.”

Another small nod accompanied with rocking back and forth.

When Jack moved to stand, Daniel grabbed his arm and held it tight.  Looking into his sad blue eyes, the older man’s heart went out to him.

“Sam?” Daniel asked in the tiniest of voices.

“Ah, Daniel, I’m Jack… remember?” he teased.

Daniel glared at him just like he used to.  Jack had to smile.

“I will make sure Sam knows where you are.  When she’s ready, and you are ready, I’ll bring her to see you.  Okay?”

Daniel gave him a small grin.

“Come on, it’s time to go.”

Jack pulled him up from the bed and led him out of his room.

* * *

 

The drive to _AFA M &D Center_ was quiet.  Jack kept an eye on Daniel as he drove, aware that he was light years away, just staring out the window, gnawing on his lip.  Any time O’Neill tried to get him to talk, he was only answered with grunts or nods.

As they got closer to their destination, Daniel grew more agitated.  Digging his fingernails into his arm and shaking uncontrollably.

“Hey, hey, Danny, it’s okay.  You’ll be fine,” Jack told him, pulling Daniel’s hand away from his arm.

Daniel managed a slight smile, then went back to looking out the window.  He felt like he was eight years old again, being taken to a new foster home.  Image after image flashed through his head.  Each new home, names of the people that owned them, names of some of the other kids. But what bothered him the most was he only remembered the places where he was abused.

A shudder shook him violently and made Jack reach over to the younger man.

“Hey!” O’Neill said, “what was that?”

Daniel just shrugged.  He wasn’t about to tell him the memories.  He didn’t want to be remembering them.  And if he spoke of them out loud, they would become even more real.

When the truck pulled up in front of the new building, Daniel eyed it suspiciously.  Jack got out and greeted Jordan as he came down the front steps.  They talked for a moment, when Jack realized Daniel hadn’t gotten out of the truck yet.  Looking back at Jordan, he sighed.

“Let me go and talk with him, Jack,” the doctor said kindly.

Walking over to the vehicle, Jordan opened the passenger side door and smiled warmly at the occupant.

“Hello, Daniel,” he said quietly and held out his hand.  “I’m Dr. Cruz.  But you can call me Jordan.”

Daniel wouldn’t look at him, but he did shake his hand.

“Welcome to _The Center_.  Would you like to come and look around?”

The archeologist glanced up briefly, then shrugged.  He slid out of the truck, clutching his duffle bag like a security blanket.  Jordan grinned at him, and gently guided Daniel towards the front door.  As they approached, Jack fell into step behind them.

“I think you will like it here, Daniel.” Jordan told him, “or is it Danny?”

With an emphatic shake of his head, Daniel made his wishes known.

“Okay!” the doctor laughed.  “Guess that’s a name for only a special few, huh?”

Glancing at Jordan from the corner of his eye, he smiled sheepishly.

When they stepped inside, Daniel looked around surreptitiously.  He took in the warm and comfortable vibe that seemed to fill the place.  It wasn’t like any foster home he had been in.  Jordan led them to his office where he and Jack had first spoke.  When the three men entered, Jack watched Daniel, knowing his eyes would get big and he’d start to drool at all the books.  Sure enough, the archeologist was almost quivering as he slowly took in the shelves of old and very old books.

Jordan smiled, “You can check them out, if you want to, Daniel.  Jack and I have some paperwork to go over.  Sit down in the reading chair and enjoy yourself.”

Dropping his bag by the overstuffed armchair, Daniel turned to peruse the shelves.  O’Neill chuckled at his friend.  Jordan invited Jack to sit down as the doctor pulled a fat file folder off his disk.

Quietly Dr. Cruz said, “Jack, the files you sent over indicated that Daniel had been in foster care for some time as a child.  Has he ever received counseling for that?”

With a puzzled expression, he shrugged his shoulders, “I’m not sure.  We never really talked about it.  I know what happened, but Daniel is very… he plays his past close to the chest.  I only found out how his parents died because of a mission some years back.”

Nodding, Jordan watched as the subject of their discussion sat with a book, thoroughly engrossed.

“I may have to touch on his parent’s death and subsequent foster care in his sessions, Jack.  With everything that has happened to him, I’m really quite surprise he hasn’t totally flaked out.”

Lifting an eyebrow at him, O’Neill commented, “ _Flaked out_?  Is that a medical term?”

Smiling, the doctor continued, “It’s one of _my_ medical terms.  Anyway, I will do everything I can to help Daniel.  I know you would like it if he could go back to work with you, but… I can’t in good conscience guarantee that.  Some people dealing with this sort of trauma never make it back to who they were.  What we try and do is to help them with who they are now.”

“I understand.  I just want… well, the soft-spoken Daniel back.  So, does his…” Jack paused.  He wasn’t sure what Sam was to Daniel.  He knew that they had talked about marriage, but to his understanding, Daniel never officially asked her. “His girlfriend would like that part of him back as well.”

Jordan looked at him confused, “Girlfriend?  Why isn’t she here to help him move in?”

“Long story.  It’s in the file.”

“Ah… the file is big, I haven’t gotten to that part,” he admitted.  “Welp, I think all is in order.  Unless you have any questions.”

“Nope,” Jack replied.

Both men stood up and went over to where Daniel sat with his nose in a book.

“Want to check out the grounds, Daniel?”

It took a moment, but he finally raised his head to look at them.  With a sad and reluctant smile, Daniel stood up and went to put the book back where he found it.  Jordan halted him with a hand on his arm.

“You can take it with you, Daniel.  When you’re done, bring it back.  Okay?”

That earned the man a _real_ Daniel Jackson smile.  Jack hadn’t seen one of those in a very long time.

Dr. Cruz led the two friends out of the office when they were stopped by someone calling out.

“Hey, Jordan!” a young woman came up them carrying a camera in one hand and a book in the other, “are you going to go out anytime soon?  I need printer ink for my pictures.”

“Already?  I just got you some.”

She grinned at him slyly, “And your point being?”

“Kacee,” he said with a smile and shook his head, “I’ll get you some more.  I’ll be going to the BX later today.  Would you like to accompany us on a tour of the grounds?”

“Sure.  I’ve got a few minutes to kill.”

Daniel had his head down, but was stealing looks at the woman.  She was small, barely coming up to his shoulders, with short, shaggy brown hair and bright grey eyes.  She looked elfish, he thought.

Smiling brightly, she nodded at Jack and Daniel, asking Jordan, “Newbies?”

“One is, yes.”

Unbelievably, her smile got even bigger as her eyes roamed over Daniel.  She noticed him holding the duffle bag and knew he was the one staying.  Kacee stepped around Dr. Cruz and walked over to the shy man with his head down.

“I’m Kacee” the young woman stuck her hand out to Daniel.

When the archeologist stepped back a pace, her hand dropped.  She watched as he began to chew on his lower lip, his arms wrapping around his duffle, hugging it close.  Kacee smiled at him sweetly.

Jordan intervened, “Kacee, this is Daniel Jackson.  He’s moving in today, so try not to scare him.”

“Daniel, eh?  Strong silent type, huh?  That’s cool.  It’s nice to meet you.  I hope we can be friends.”

Eyes darting to Jack for a moment, he nodded and smiled.

“Good!” the small woman said.

The four of them wandered around _The Center_ grounds, talking.  Kacee took over the tour and was constantly taking photos.  She made sure Daniel knew where all the best places were to sit and think.  Where to go when he wanted some alone time.

When they got back to the common room, she checked her watch and said, “I gotta go.  I have to get to my group.  See ya later Daniel?”

When he gave her a small smile and nodded, she grinned at him then strode away.

Jordan said, “Kacee has been a few days now.  She thinks she runs the place.  However… Daniel,” he focused on his newest charge, “she would be a good one for you to get to know.  She knows the ins and outs of everything that goes on here.  And she’s really smart, might give you a run for your money.”

Daniel shrugged his shoulders, but Jack saw that the younger man was watching her as she left.  He hoped that this woman wouldn’t cause any problems with his archeologist.  He knew that his friend was still very much in love with Sam.  But, Daniel _was_ a guy, and Kacee _was_ very cute… in an impish sort of way.

“How old is she?” Jack asked as innocently as he could.

“Kacee?  I know she looks about 18, but she’s really 30.  She tells me her secret is that she refuses to grow up.” With a laugh Jordan continued, “I’m beginning to believe her, too.  Outstanding Airmen though.  Had a tough time in Afghanistan.”

* * *

 

Once Jack had Daniel all settled into his new room, he had his friend sit on the bed.  Pacing in front of him, O’Neill worked out what he wanted to say.  It was hard.  And he wasn’t very good at pep talks.  Still, he knew that Daniel need some encouragement.

Stopping and sitting down next to him, Jack asked, “You think you’ll like it here?”

Shrug.

“Do you like Dr. Cruz?”

Shrug.

“That Kacee chic seems nice,” he said, then added to himself, _A little too nice._

Shrug.

“Oh, come on, Daniel!” Jack’s tone went from concerned friend to irritated C.O.  “Throw me a bone here.  I’m doing this for you.  You’re in this place because you need to get better.”

There was still no reaction to what he was saying.  Time to change tactics.  “Don’t you want to get better so you can be with Sam?”

Daniel started rocking, arms wrapped around himself again and Jack could tell he was trying not to cry.  Now he felt like a real bastard.

“Danny,” he said quietly, “I think this place will help you.  I really like Jordan and believe he can help.”  When the rocking didn’t stop, Jack placed a hand on his shoulder.  “I’ll come by and see you as often as I can.  Okay?  And when Sam comes back…”

Daniel shook his head no.

“You don’t want to see her?” Jack asked confused.

In barely a whisper he choked out, “Hhhhates… m, mmmeee.”

Pulling his friend into a tight hug, Jack replied, “She doesn’t hate you, Daniel.  Sam could never hate you.”  Pulling away, he lifted the younger man’s face to look him in the eye, “No one could ever hate you.”

As an afterthought, Jack added, “Well… maybe a few System Lords and probably quite a few Ori… Probably even some Ancients…  But other than them…”

Daniel grinned at him, his eyes bright with unshed tears.  Then his smile faded.  “I… sca…  scare, J, Jjjack.”

“Scared of what, Danny?”

Wiping his face with his hand as the tears escaped, “I, I… nnne…nnnnever… bb… better.”

Jack rubbed his back and told him in a firm, but gentle voice, “You have never backed down from anything in your life, Daniel Jackson.  Don’t you even think of backing down from this.  Oma said it would be hard… but she also said it could be done.”

Sniffling, he nodded.  “Kkkay, Jjjjj… Jj… Jack.”

Daniel walked with Jack to the truck, head hanging low.  The silver haired man gave his friend one last hug before getting into his vehicle.  Before he could even start the engine, Kacee ran out to give him a photo she took when they were touring the place.  It was of he and Daniel just outside _The Center_.

“Thanks,” he said, “look out for him, will you?”

“Sure,” she answered softly.

Leaving Daniel at _The Center_ was one of the hardest things Jack O’Neill had ever done.  Driving away, he glanced into his review mirror.  Jordan and Kacee were waving good bye, but Daniel was just sitting on the steps, head still down, arms wrapped around his knees and rocking.

Jack almost lost it.

Mentally chiding himself for being soft, he turned his thoughts to the other half of his Tau’ri family.  It was time to get Sam back into the swing of things at the SGC.  Then, he would begin to work on fixing her and Daniel’s relationship.  Someone from the original SG-1 line up, other than Teal’c, deserved a little happiness.  And Jack decided, as C.O., it was his job to make it happen.

It was late when he made it home.  His thoughts were swirling in his head as fast as mach 3 and it was beginning to get to him.  He picked up the photo that Kacee had taken of he and Daniel to look at it.  Daniel’s expression was so sad.  Jack tossed the picture on the table.  Good thing he had bought a case of beer on the way home.  He was going to need them.  All in all, it was the loneliest dinner he had had in a long time.


	6. Chapter Six – Broken

The first night was shear hell for Daniel.  New place, new faces, new routine.  He began to think that this wasn’t such a good idea after all.  He wanted Jack.  He wanted Sam.

He wanted to hide.

Hiding was something he could do.  He curled up in the farthest corner, and rocked himself to sleep.  Maybe he could just sleep the rest of his life.  That way he wouldn’t be a bother to anyone.

“Wake-y, wake-y, sleepy head.”

Daniel groaned at the intrusion.  He didn’t want to wake up.  He didn’t want to open his eyes and see an unfamiliar place.

“Come on, Daniel,” the irritating voice kept going, “Jordan told me to get you for breakfast.”

Opening his eyes reluctantly, the first thing he saw was the woman he met yesterday smiling and holding his glasses out for him.  He took them, putting them on and stretching out his cramped legs.

“God, that had to be uncomfortable,” she said watching him. “You know, the bed is a much better place to sleep.”

Daniel scowled at her, but she just laughed and held out her hand to help him up.  Taking it, he pushed himself off the floor slowly.  Stumbling over to the bed, he dropped down on it stiffly.  He was getting old.

The woman sat beside him, and patted his back and said softly, “First nights are always the toughest.  It’ll get better, I promise.  Do you remember me?”

Daniel thought for a moment.  Kacee was her name.  Nodding to her, she grinned.

“You just aren’t gonna talk, huh?”

He frowned and ducked his head down shrugging.

“That’s okay.  You will when you want to.  I was like that when I came home from Afghanistan,” Kacee said gently.  Then she clapped him on the back and jumped up, “Come on, Daniel, I’m starving!”

Pulling him up, Kacee pushed him towards the door.  “We’ll make a stop at the bathroom if you want.”

Kacee laughed at him as he nodded emphatically.  Daniel gave her a haphazard grin and decided he kind of liked this elven woman.  Her size and demeanor was reminiscent of Janet Fraiser.  The memory of the late Doctor touched a nerve.  He missed Janet very much.

After washing up and dragging a comb through his hair, he changed his shirt and was ready to go.

As they entered the kitchen, Daniel took stock of everyone.  He knew Jordan and of course, Kacee, but the others were new to him.  After Jack left, he didn’t venture out of his room, so he never met anyone else.

Jordan looked up and smiled at the new arrivals to the kitchen.

“About time, Kacee” he said in mock annoyance, then turned a warm smile to Daniel.  “Let me introduce you to everyone.”

Steering him to the table, Jordan sat Daniel down and then began the introductions, “Okay, the red head is Alex.  He’s a Gunnery Sergeant in the Marines and eats everything in sight.”

“OO-RAH!” Alex said with a grin.  He offered his hand and said, “Hey-ya, Daniel.  Nice to meet’cha.”

Jordan continued, “Next we have Justin.  He was a Master Sergeant in the Air Force, now retired.”

The tall, wiry man with hazel eyes nodded.  “Yep, lost all my marbles back in Iraq.  Jordan here thinks he can find them,” he said as he took Daniel’s hand in a warm shake.

Daniel gave him a half-hearted grin.

Jordan then sat next to the newest member and pointed a crossed the table at the lovely young woman, Daniel knew.

“And someone you already are acquainted with.  Brooke will be continuing to work with you for speech therapy.”

“Hello, Daniel.  It’s nice to be working with you again.  We’ll be starting later this afternoon.”

Daniel smiled at her.  He was happy that she was going to be working with him.  He hadn’t seen her for a few weeks.

“And last but not least, Bearclaw.”

Daniel looked up and noticed the very large man at the stove.  When he turned around to face the rest of them, the archeologist saw that he was Native American.  His long black hair pulled back into a ponytail, and his dark eyes shone like onyx gems.  When he smiled at him, Daniel was immediately at ease with the man.  Something about him radiated peace and serenity.  It reminded him of the way Teal’c always made him feel.

“Bearclaw will be your occupational therapist.  He’ll be tough on you, but I guarantee by the time you leave us, you’ll be a new man!”

“Daniel,” Bearclaw greet him in a thundering bass voice, “you look as if you have had some physical training.  Are you an athlete?”

Shaking his head, no, Daniel dropped his gaze to the table.

“Daniel has been working with the Air Force for a while.  He’s probably has had some hand to hand training.  Am I right?” Jordan asked.

A nod from the silent one was all the answer he received.

“Okay, okay,” Kacee chimed in, “enough with the intros, I’m starving here.”

Everyone agreed with her and breakfast was served.

* * *

 

When Jack walked into his office the Monday following his relocating Daniel, he was surprised to see Sam sitting there waiting for him.  She was in her dress blues and snapped to attention as soon as he entered the room.  Eyebrows raised, he cocked his head to one side.

“Aren’t you in San Diego where I ordered you to be?” he asked her.

She smiled a genuine smile and replied, “No, I’m standing in your office waiting for an assignment, sir.”

“Oh.”

Giving her a sidelong glance, he did notice that she seemed to closer to her old self than when she left.  Jack went to his disk and sat down, taking great pains on shuffling papers around to look as if he were working.

After about a minute of this, Carter cleared her throat impatiently.  “Ah, sir?”

“At ease, Carter,” he answered her without looking up.  “Are you wanting R&D or missions?”

Sam thought about this as she sat down opposite her C.O.  She really missed going off world.  But the idea of being a pure scientist had its advantages.  On the other hand… she really, _really_ missed going off world.  But would it be the same without Daniel?

And then there was Daniel. 

She hadn’t even thought about him since getting back.  That shocked her to her very core.  She had thought her whole reason for coming home was to be with him.  Now, all she was thinking about was work.  Did that mean she was falling _out_ of love with him?

No!  That can’t be right.  She just needed to get some semblance of normality in her life _before_ tackling the subject of her feelings for Daniel Jackson.

Looking at her C.O. she answered, “If there is a spot on a SG team, I would like that, sir.”

“Well, as it so happens there is an opening on… let me see here,” O’Neill shuffled more papers around, “Ah, here it is.  Will SG-1 be alright with you, Colonel?”

If it weren’t improper, Sam would have launched herself into his arms.  Instead, she sat up straight and with all the professionalism she could muster, replied, “That would be fine, sir.  Thank you.”

Jack knew that getting back in the field would be a good thing for her.  He also knew that treating her as if all was okay in the world, was the thing to do right now.  However, he was a little surprised that she hadn’t asked about a certain linguist.  He brushed the thought aside, labeling it; _future discussion_.

Not looking up from his disk, he said, “You’re dismissed, Colonel.”

Sam smiled.  She knew what he was doing.  Subtlety was not his thing.

“Thank you, sir,” she said before getting up and heading for the door.

“Oh, and Carter, will you meet me for lunch at 13:30?  We have some things to discuss.”

Nodding her head, she answered, “Yes, sir.”

After she left, Jack sighed.  He hoped he was doing the right thing with his two favorite family members.  Being a pseudo-father was hard work.  Especially with two kids that always seemed to get into trouble.

* * *

 

The first couple of weeks at _The Center_ were spent with Jordan, Annie and Kacee trying to pull Daniel out of his shell.  He wasn’t making it easy, either.  Most of the time Kacee was simply looking for him.  He was very good at disappearing, until she discovered his hiding place.

Watching from her upstairs window, she spied Daniel stealing out to an old shed at the very back of the yard.  Usually it was locked, but she saw him go around to the back… and not come out.

Grabbing her jacket, Kacee decided to stalk him.  Thankful for the snow muffling her footsteps, she approached the shed as quietly as a mouse.  Peering around the corner she found Daniel sitting on a stack of logs, shivering and writing in a notebook.  His face was screwed up in pained concentration and his hand was shaking, making it very difficult for him to write.

Kacee noticed a lot of crumpled up pieces of paper scattered around him.  Groaning in frustration and anger, Daniel jumped up and threw the notebook as hard as he could with a scream of rage.  That wasn’t enough to quench his fury though.

He turned and grabbed a heavy branch began beating it against the shed.  When the branch broke in two, he hurled it away and started to hit the shed wall with his fists.  That’s when Kacee took action.

Running over to him, she got between Daniel and the shed.  She reached out and blocked the punch that he was in the midst of throwing, then grabbed his arm.

“Daniel!” she yelled at him.

He stilled immediately.  Looking at her concerned face, he dropped his head in shame.

Kacee pulled him into a hug, whispering, “Shhhh… it’s okay, Daniel.”

She held him for quite some time, rubbing his back and comforting him.  When he settled down, she pulled away and looked into his sad eyes.  The pain she saw was intense.  Kacee took him over to the stack of logs and sat him down.  She then went and found his notebook half buried in the snow and brought it back, sitting down beside him.

He made to take it away from her, but she held it out of reach, holding up a finger.

“Wait,” she said sternly, “yes or no answers, okay?”

Frowning, he nodded.

“Is this a journal?”

He shook his head no.

“A letter?”

Yes.

“Personal?”

Shrug.

When she saw that, she knew that he was trying to write either his wife or his girlfriend.  She didn’t notice a wedding ring, so the latter must be right.  Kacee’s heart went out to him.  He looked so miserable and lost.  She remembered that feeling all too well.

Taking his hand in hers, she asked him quietly, “Is it something I can help you write?”

He blinked at her, his eyebrows in a frown.

“I can write it for you… if you tell me what to say,” she offered.

Daniel looked away.  He hadn’t spoken a word since he moved in.  He didn’t want to.  If he started talking, he would have to start reliving everything that had happened.  In his silence, he was able to hide it all away.

But in his heart, he was a speaker, a linguist.  Words were his life, both written and verbal.  His silence was like an amputation.  Maybe now was the time to break his self-imposed silence. 

Looking back at the woman beside him, he searched her face for his answer.  She smiled at him and shook her head.

“I can’t solve your internal struggle to talk again, Daniel.  You have to come to that point on your own.”

His jaw dropped.  How in the world did she know what he was thinking?  Staring into those grey eyes, he realized that she was truly of the elven folk.

Heaving a deep sigh, he nodded, then said quietly, “Hhhhelp… pppl… pppllease.”

Kacee threw her arms around him in a fierce hug.

“You bet I’ll help you, Dan-man,” she laughed.

He looked at her with a smirk on his face, “Dan-man?”

“Okay, okay… Danny?” she asked innocently.

He snorted a quiet laugh, shaking his head.

“Oh, all right… Daniel,” Kacee huffed, “it just seems so… formal.  What’s your middle name?”

“N, Nnnn… Nicholas,” he stammered.

Kacee sighed, grimacing, “Nope… still to formal.  I’ll think of something.”

She told him as she stood up offering her hand to him.

“Kacee,” Daniel looked at her sadly, “d, d, don’t… tttell…”

Placing her finger on his lips, she smiled softly at him, “You’ll start talking to the rest when you’re ready.  It’s not my place.  I’m here for help also… I’m not one of the staff.  Okay?”

He gave her a genuine smile, “Thanks.”

She blushed and looked away, “You keep smiling at me like that, D.J. and I’m going to have to try and steal you from whom ever you got waiting for you.”

With a playful shove, he laughed, “D.J.?”  He thought about it as they walked back to the house, “I, I, llllike… ttthhat… one.”

She grinned up at him and took his hand in hers.  As they strolled back to _The Center_ , Kacee realized that she was letting this man get to her.  She was usually so well guarded, but there was something about Daniel that wormed its way under her defenses.  She had to work on mending that wall, she knew that he was with someone.  Besides… alone was safer for her.

They went to Jordan’s office.  The rule was, if the door was open, the _library_ was open.  It was a nice quiet place for them to work on the letter without letting anyone else bother them or find out that Daniel was speaking.  Kacee closed the door to ensure this.

Jordan had the fireplace going as it was cold now.  The two new friends sat on the floor with a footstool between them as a table.  Kacee pulled the notebook and pen out and looked at Daniel.

“Okay then,” she said in an all business tone, “what do you want to say?”

Daniel thought about this.  He wanted it to be just a friendly letter to Sam.  Nothing to emotional.  He didn’t want to push his luck with her, not knowing how she felt about him anymore.  It seemed like a lifetime ago that they were happy and in love.  It startled him to realize that it was about seven months ago they had begun their relationship.  So much had happened to them since then.

Closing his eyes, he wondered where to start.  Kacee watched him struggle to find the words.

“How about we start with, _Dear_ …, who’s this too?” she asked.

Quietly, Daniel murmured, “Sam.”

Kacee looked at him confused, “Sam? As in Samantha or Samuel?”

“Samantha,” he said with a smirk.  “Shhhh, shheee mmmy gir, girl… bbbe… fore,” he quietly said with a far off look in his eyes.

Kacee knew that look.  It was the ‘smitten puppy in love’ look.  And with his beautiful, clear blue eyes, it was even more pronounce.

_Stop it, Kacee!_ she berated herself. _He’s forbidden fruit._

“Okay, so… _Dear Sam_ , that’s a start.  Now what?” she asked.

Daniel’s eyes grew misty with tears as he mumbled, “I… ssssssorry.”

“Nope.  This is a friendly letter.  No apologizing.  How about, _how are you doing?_ instead?”

He gave her a small smile and nodded, “Ah-huh.  Ggg, gggood.”

For a short letter, it took them almost three hours to write it.  Daniel would get frustrated with his speaking and Kacee would have to calm him down.  When they finally finished, Kacee addressed the envelope and they both walked out to the mailbox.  On the way back, Daniel stopped her.

“Thank you.”

She smiled at him.  “No sweat.”

Daniel shook his head, “I, I… yyyyou… pppull… words… ou, out.”

Dropping her gaze to the ground, she shrugged, “We all need someone to help us from time to time, Daniel.  We’re pack creatures at the very core.  Even a lone wolf like me, needs others sometimes.”

His heart ached at her last words.  She was alone?  Where was her family?  Was she like him?  An orphan?  A product of _the system_?

He pulled her into a friendly hug and said quietly, “No lllllone wolf… aaan-more.”

When Daniel pulled away, Kacee wouldn’t look at him.  She was stiff, but tried to hide it with a strained smile.

“Come on, D.J.,” she said with a tight voice, “It’s almost dinner time.  Can’t let Alex get there first or there won’t be any for the rest of us.”

The next few days, Daniel studied the young woman that had managed to pull him out of his funk.  She had an earthy, warm feel about her.  He knew that she would be most at home outdoors.  She had wolfish eyes that would varied in color with her mood, bright grey when she was happy, darker when she was mad or upset.  She didn’t care much for putting on airs.  Kacee’s idea of a prefect hair day was running her hands through it and slamming a ball cap on her head.  And that was usually backwards.

She laughed easily and listened carefully to whoever was speaking.  Daniel wondered why she was here.  What had happened to make this seemingly well-adjusted person have to be at a recovery house.  It was too early in their friendship for such questions though.  But he decided he was going to find out all about this elven woman.

After a very bad day, Daniel was having a hard time letting out his frustrations.  He wanted to hit something or break something.  Kacee came to his rescue again.

“D.J.,” she said as she cornered him in the day room, “go and get your jacket.  I’m gonna show you how I burn off steam.”

Meeting up by the back door, Daniel saw she had ice skates for both of them and a couple of hockey sticks.  His eyes grew wide.  He had never been ice skating before.  Jack had tried once to get him to go to the rink with him, but Daniel had _mysteriously_ come down with a bad cold.

“Nnnnnooo hhhooww,” he mumbled.

“Not a problem,” she said with a wicked grin, “I’ve taught many-a men how to skate.  You’ll be ready for the NHL by the time I’m done with you.”

Daniel looked skeptical at her then shrugged.  At least it would take his mind of things and get rid of his pent-up energies.

“Yyyou ttttteach, Jjjjack ha… happ, py.”

By the end of the day, Daniel was skating and handling puck control rather well for his first time.  Later that night, sore but happy, he spent in the library reading all about Jack’s favorite sport.  Kacee showed him how fun it was, and he wanted to know more about it.  Jack was going to be surprised!

* * *

 

Colonel Samantha Carter immersed herself in work.  The department she struggled to put together was a complete mess.  She hated doing it, but some of the new scientist that had been employed since her departure, had to be let go.  They just weren’t working up to the standards that she expected from her staff.

Sam felt like she did when she first joined the Stargate Program.  It was comforting, familiar and just what she needed.  Two weeks had passed and SG-1 wasn’t slated for a mission until the following Monday.  She was looking forward to it.  The team dynamic was gelling just as it had before, even with one member missing.

She had considered going to see Daniel one of the many times Jack had asked her, but quickly drowned herself in work.  One Friday night, as she poured over specs for a new shield generator, Jack came in to her lab.

“Carter,” his tone was friendly, but his face set in stone, “I’m going to go see Daniel tomorrow… you wanna come?”

She didn’t look up from her project as she considered his offer.  “I don’t think so, sir.  I was going to come in to work some more on this generator.”

Jack knew what she was doing and was not happy about it.  He pulled a stool over and sat down.  Taking her hands in his, he made her turn and look at him.

“Sam,” he said quietly, “how long are you going to avoid seeing him?  You’ve been back for weeks, but you haven’t even asked how he’s doing.”

She sighed, “I know.”  Her face was burning as she looked down at nothing in particular.  “It’s just… I still don’t know how I’m feeling towards him.  And… I’m afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

Sam let out a soft sigh, “Afraid that I won’t be able to forgive him.  I know, deep down I still love him, but… I’m not sure that I’m…” she stopped, shaking all over.

“You’re afraid you’re not _in_ love with him anymore.  Is that it?” Jack asked her.

She couldn’t answer him.  When she was with Pete, Sam felt for sure that she was still _in_ love with Daniel.  Now… being back and relatively close to him… she wasn’t.  She hated being confused.

“What am I going to do, Jack?”

“I wish I could answer that for you, Sam… but I can’t,” he told her gently.  “You’re going to have to work this out for yourself.  But you can’t just keep ducking him.  He needs to know if you are still willing to be with him, or let him go.  It’s only fair.”

Standing up, O’Neill turned to leave.  He paused at the door and spoke over his shoulder to her, “Do you even have a message for him this time?”

Feeling like a cold-hearted bitch, she shook her head no.  Carter could hear Jack sigh as he left.  She wanted to scream.  To hit something… anything.  Getting up, she decided to go down to the gym and beat up a heavy bag.  Maybe that would help clear her mind.

* * *

 

As Jack approached the building, the door was flung open and Daniel ran out with nerf gun in his hand and a huge grin on his face.  O’Neill had thought at first his friend us just happy to see him, but then he saw Kacee chasing him with her own nerf gun.  Watching behind him, the former SG-1 linguist jumped the six steps that led up to the door, and crashed smack into Jack.  Both men went sprawling in a tangled mess to the ground.

Kacee stopped at the top of the stairs and burst into laughter.  Daniel pushed himself up on all fours and looked down at Jack with a grin.

“Daniel,” the general intoned.

“Jack,” Daniel sent right back at him.

“You, ah… maybe wanna get off of me?” Jack asked in the most annoyed voice he could muster.

With a bright smile, Daniel stood up and offered his hand to his C.O.  Once both men were upright, dusting off the snow, Kacee came down the steps still laughing.

“That was great!”

Jack scowled at her, but she just grinned.

“Don’t you have anything better to do then chasing my archeologist around?  You do realize that he’s over 40… you’re gonna give him a heart attack!” Jack gripped at the small woman.

Laughing again, she turned to Daniel, “Yep, you’re right.  He’s a goof.”  She smiled at the look of indignation on the general’s face.  “I’ll let you two be alone.  I’m sure you want to catch up with each other.”

Daniel made as if he was going to stop her, but she got away too quickly.  Jack watched as she left around the corner of the building, then noticed his archeologist looking after her as well.  Squinting at him, Jack took note of the longing he saw in Daniel’s eyes.

“So,” Jack said as he pulled the other man’s face around to look at him, “getting along fine, I see.”

Daniel blushed and ducked his head.

“Are you going to invite me in, or do I have to stay out here in the cold?”

With a nod, Daniel turned and led Jack into _The Center_ and down to his room.  Once safely behind closed doors, Jack turned on his friend.

“What was that all about?”

When Daniel didn’t answer, O’Neill took him by the shoulders, giving him a slight shake.

“Daniel,” his no nonsense voice hard, “you know why you are here, right?  To get better and come home to Sam and the SGC.  You don’t have time to be… playin’ around.”

Daniel shrugged out of Jack’s hold and walked over to his bed, sitting down.

“Noooo… pl, playin’, JJJack,” he croaked out, “mmmmy… fr, friend.  Hhhhelp me… ffff… forget.”

With a deep and weary sigh, Jack went and sat by his former teammate.

“Jordan’s told me that you haven’t been cooperating with your therapy sessions.  He said you haven’t spoken a word, and the only one you are even half way working with is the occupational therapist.  He’s told me you are either, hiding, reading or hanging out with that Kacee girl.  I thought that when I got here, I would find you all… oh, I don’t know.  Melancholy.  Instead, you’re playing around like a kid.  What’s got into you, Daniel?”

He shrugged his shoulder.

“Don’t you want to get better and come home?” Jack asked him.

“W, wwhat… ppppoint?” Daniel mumbled.  “Nnnot… gggonna… wor… wwwork.  Sam nnnot sssseee… wwannt mmm… mmme.”

“Do you still love Sam?” O’Neill asked cautiously.

Daniel closed his eyes and let out a soft sob.  He did love Sam, but the time apart and with her not calling or even writing had started to put a few hairline fractures in his resolve.  He was never a _love ‘em and leave ‘em_ kinda guy, but Sam was really putting his heart through the wringer.  And Kacee had been so sweet to him.  She would listen to him, cry with him, help him with anything.  Plus it didn’t help that she was H. O. T!

O’Neill saw the tears forming in Daniel’s eyes.  He knew all of this was tearing him apart.  Not being able to communicate weighed on him and Sam not even coming to see him was obviously causing his antipathy.  Jack knew he still had all the knowledge and that he remembered everything.  It was just getting it across to others, be it vocally or written, that was the problem now.  He watched as Daniel’s hands started shaking.  This was new.

“Hey,” Jack put his hand on Daniel’s to calm him, “I know things aren’t… seeming to be going your way when it comes to Carter, but you can’t give up.  If Kacee is a distraction, I can find you a different place to live—”

“NO!” Daniel didn’t really mean to yell, but if his friend was going to be taken away from him too, he didn’t think he would be able to handle it.  “No, Jjjj, Jack.  Wwwant sss… ssstay.  Cee mmm, mmy frr… frrrie…”

Letting out a roar of frustration, he jumped up from his chair and hit the wall hard enough to put a dent in the plaster.  Jack was by his side with lightning speed.  He put his arms around Daniel and held him until his friend’s muscles relaxed.  He then had Daniel sit down while he went into the small bathroom to wet a cloth.  Sitting down next to his friend, he took the wounded hand and began to wipe the blood off his knuckles.

“Ssss… ssssorr…” Daniel murmured, “nnnnot knnno wha… wha…” he began to get agitated again.

Jack sighed as his friend started to shake with the effort of trying to speak and had a thought of what could maybe help him.

“I have an idea.  I know you are having trouble getting your words out…”

“Ya’think?”

“Cute.  Seriously, have you tried to speak out loud in one of your other languages?”

Daniel looked at him incredulously.

“I mean it.  Try saying something, a sentence, or two in another language.  You pick.”

Thinking that Jack was cracked, the younger man closed his eyes to come up with a good statement.

“Ich denke, dass du deine Marmore verloren hast,” Daniel said perfectly.  No stutter, no hesitation.

Looking at Jack in complete disbelief, he stood up and started pacing.

“Je l'ai fait? Je peux parler bien dans d'autres langues?” he smiled as his head was wrapping around the idea of being able to talk again.

“Esto es irreal!”

Jack started laughing, “Daniel, I have no idea what you are saying, however… you’re doing a good job at saying it.  Sit down here for a minute.”

Daniel was too excited to sit, O’Neill had to pull him down.

“Try saying everything you just did… but in English now.  Take your time,” Jack suggested.

With his eyes closed and his face scrunched up in concentration, Daniel quietly spoke, “I… I think that you… lost… your mmmarbles.  German.”

He looked at Jack and saw the older man roll his eyes at him, “Funny.  What else did you say?”

“I… did it? I… speak…” he shook his head and took a deep breath and started again. “I can speak well in other… languages?  French.”

Daniel was all smiles now.  For the first time since waking from a coma he felt that he just might get his ability to communicate back.

“And the last thing you said?” Jack pushed.

“This is unreal. Spanish,” Daniel started laughing.  “Jack, sssshould… bbbe…”

“Slow down, Danny.  You’re stuttering again.”

Nodding, he began again slower, “You… should… be… therapist.”

Giving him an affectionate hug, Jack replied, “Only for you, Danny boy.  Only for you.”

* * *

 

The two men walked around the snowy grounds talking about this, that and everything.  Daniel was so pleased at being able to communicate again; he didn’t want to waste any time using it.  Jack had to remind him to speak slowly, though.  Every time he got into that patented Jackson fast talk, he would begin to stutter again.

As they headed back to _The Center_ , Jack stopped and pulled Daniel around to look at him.  With a worried expression, the older man knitted his eyebrows and let out a deep sigh.

“Daniel,” he began, “Sam is back in town.  She’s back to work at the SGC and on SG-1.”

The archeologist dropped his gaze to the ground and started chewing on his lip.  He wanted to ask how long she had been back, but wasn’t sure he really wanted to know.  She obviously didn’t want anything to do with him, so… what did it matter.  Wrapping his arms around himself, Daniel began to rock.  Jack could tell that the walls were rapidly being fortified.   When nothing was said, he took the younger man’s shoulders to still him.

“She got back the same day I brought you here.  I didn’t know until the following Monday when I got to work,” Jack explained.  “Every time I came to see you, I ask if she wanted to also, but I think she is still dealing with a lot of… emotional baggage.”

Daniel shrugged out of Jack hold and turned away.  She didn’t want to see him.  Why was he even thinking that they would get back together?  She may say she’d forgive him, but now he wasn’t sure if he could believe that.  Kacee, on the other hand, has been there for him, helping him with so much.

“I’ve given her the letters you’ve sent.  I’ve even made sure that she reads them,” he offered.

Daniel turned pained filled eyes to his friend.  Mumbling, he said, “Doesn’t… mmma mmmatter.  Thanks… coming… sssssee… mmme, Jjjack.”

O’Neill watched as Daniel went quickly into the building.  He debated on going after him, but turned and walked slowly to his truck.  He was going to have to corner Sam about this.  Daniel was trying, she however, was not.

* * *

 

For the next three weeks, Daniel did work with his therapist.  His speech was getting better, but he still couldn’t form complete sentences when he spoke in English.  His sessions with Jordan were still hard on him emotionally.  The psyche doctor was having Daniel pull out memories from his time in the _system_ as a child.  Jordan had told him that by working through these, he would be able to work through the more resent tragedies that seem to plague the archeologist.

The problem was, as Daniel began to unload those terrible formative years, the nightmares began again.  The only person that he took comfort in was Kacee.  She seemed to understand even more then Jordan.  However, she was still an enigma to Daniel.  And to top it off, he was beginning to feel stronger for the petite woman.  Feelings he knew he shouldn’t have if he wanted to get back together with Sam.  But he wondered _if_ she wanted to him back.  That was the other problem present in his life right now, the very apparent lack of interest _from_ Sam.  She still hadn’t been to see him.  Jack told him she was really busy with work, but Daniel knew it was because of him.

He did get a letter, and after he read it, Daniel crumpled it up and threw it away.  When Kacee asked why, he only shrugged.  She pressed him for an answer and he retrieved the letter, holding it out to her.

Kacee could understand why he chucked it.  It was basically a form letter.  No feelings or endearments anywhere.  That made her angrier then she had been in a very long time.  How could someone who claimed to _love_ Daniel, do this to him.  Her heart was aching for this man, and she knew it was impossible for many reasons.  She was going to have to put some distance between them, and soon.

After a few consoling words to her friend, Kacee left.  She took off was gone for almost four hours.  Daniel was beside himself when she didn’t show up for dinner.  Jordan told him that when she gets really angry or upset, she would go off on these hikes to help clear her head.  It was her way of dealing.  Daniel couldn’t begrudge her that.  His way of dealing was to immerse himself in a good book or a hard translation.  At least it used to be.  Now his way of dealing was hitting things, hurting himself.  Or now, thanks to Kacee, going out and skating the pond and firing pucks at a net.

When Kacee got back, she was met at the door by a very worried Daniel.  He wrapped her in a tight embrace, shocking her.  When he pulled away, she noticed the fear and panic in his eyes.  That was something she was totally unprepared for. 

He led her into the library and sat her down.  Biting his lip, he paced in front of her while he gathered his words.

“Cee,” he began quietly, “you rrrr …really sssscared mmme.  Thought lllllost… mmmy frr … frr … friend.”

“I’m sorry, Daniel,” she told him, “I just needed to get out for a little while.”

Silence lingered for a few moments.  Then Kacee went to close the door.  She turned back to Daniel and took him by the hand, leading him _their_ spot on the floor in front of the fireplace.  They usually spent their quiet times with each other there.  Both of them love to read or write for hours at a time and they would always be together doing this.

Kacee leaned back on the sofa and sighed.  She turned to face Daniel and gave him a very small smile.

“I know a lot about you, Daniel,” she began, “not everything, but a lot.  Now I’m going to let you know a little about me… if you want.”

Daniel did want to know more about her.  She intrigued him to no end.  But he also knew that there was definite pain in her past, and he wasn’t sure if he should ask her to dredge it up.

“Only… if you want me tttttto… know,” his slight stutter made her smile.  She knew he was wrestling with wanting to know and not wanting to pry.

Nodding her head, she began, “I was orphaned at the age of five when my parents were murdered in a bank robbery that went bad.  I, like you, was bounced around in the foster system for most of my childhood.

“At age eleven, I got lucky and ended up in a home that eventually adopted me.  That time of my life was wonderful, like a real family.  I had two adopted brothers that treated me as if I was really their sister.  No abuse, no trauma… a real family.  We lived just outside city limits on a small farm.

“When I was twenty, I decided to follow in my adopted father and older brothers’ footsteps and joined the Air Force.  It was great, I love being in the service.  My adoptive parents had passed, while I was in Basic Training.  Dad from a heart attack, Mom had breast cancer.  I immersed myself into being the best Tactical Aircraft Maintenance Airman I could be.  I loved working on the big planes!

“When I was sent to Afghanistan, I was stationed on the same base as my brothers.  My oldest brother was in TACP— that’s Tactical Air Control Party Specialist, and my other one was in a Military Working Dog handler.  He and his partner would go out with SAR teams.

“One night, I had the base CO come into my tent and sit down.  I knew the look on his face.  Something had happened to one of my brothers.”

Kacee stopped.  Her face was pale and her eyes were filling with tears.  Daniel scooted over and pulled her into a hug.  Rubbing his hands up and down her arm, he waited for her to settle down.  After a few minutes, she continued.

“It turned out, that both of them had been killed by a roadside IED.  They were on different search and rescue missions but ended up in the same area taking enemy fire.  When they were told to bug out, in the confusion ended up in the same Humvee.  Everyone was killed.

“The worst part… my fiancé was driving, I hadn’t even known he was out in the field,” Kacee sobbed as she relived that moment.  Daniel just held her tight and rocked her gently.

Wiping her face on the sleeve of her shirt, she gave a soft, humorless laugh, “I lost everyone I loved in one fell swoop.  They sent be stateside when I wouldn’t respond to anyone.  I just shut down.  It was like when I was a kid and my parents were suddenly just… not there anymore.

“Anyway, that’s why I’m a lone wolf.  The people that I… start to love, end up dead.  I can’t let that happen to you, Daniel.  And I can’t stop my feelings for you.  I know you have someone, but I can’t help that I’m falling for you,” she looked away and said softly, “I’m leaving, Daniel.”

Daniel reeled in shock. “Wwwa… what?!”

She couldn’t look at him knowing she would lose her resolve, “I shouldn’t have let myself, but damn…  you are so caring, handsome and strong, in a vulnerable sort of way.  I need to get out of your way and you need to fight for your Sam.  She needs to know that you still want her forgiveness.  And if you guys just end up friends, at least you gave it your best shot and she’ll be the poorer of losing you.”

Tears were streaming down Daniel’s face.  He didn’t want to lose Kacee.  She was really the only one that was helping.  Why did all the people he valued leave him?  Kacee took his face in her hands and looked him in the eye.

“I’m not leaving until after Christmas.  You need to work on getting back to your friends and job.  I need to find a life for myself.  This will be best, Daniel.  Please understand.”

He nodded dejectedly.  He knew she was right.  He was supposed to be working on getting better for Sam.  But it was hard when she didn’t even want to come and see him.  Hell, the only letter he had received wasn’t exactly a note of encouragement.  No endearments or questions on how he was doing … nothing.

His feelings for Kacee were really starting make him question his love for Sam.  Maybe this was a good thing… but he didn’t like it one bit!

* * *

 

Christmas morning came with a light snow, and the few members of _The Center_ that were staying in for the holiday, were gathered for breakfast. When the front door banged shut, Kacee went to see who had come in.

When she came back, she was followed by a visitor.  Jordan looked up and smiled, greeting her warmly, “Merry Christmas!”

The visitor smiled and nodded to him, then turned her attention to the person she was there to see.

“Daniel,” Sam quietly said.

He froze, closing his eyes and steadying his breathing.  He didn’t want to turn around and find that this was only his imagination.

Sam placed a hand on his shoulder and he started to shake.  It had been so long since he last felt that touch.

“Daniel,” she said again, “can we go somewhere to talk, please?”

The archeologist slowly rose and walked out of the kitchen with Sam on his heels.  He glanced at Kacee on his way by and saw both great hope and a sadness.  Daniel took Sam to the library and shut the door.  He indicated for her to sit on the sofa by the fireplace.  Sam noted that he had yet to even look at her.  She felt that he was punishing her for the distance she’d been keeping.

“Daniel, please come and sit with me.  We really need to talk.”

Reluctantly he sat down.  His leg was shaking and he was wringing his hands together fiercely.  Sam watched his agitation was ashamed.  She knew it was mostly her fault.  She also knew it wasn’t going to get any better after she told him what she had to.

With a great effort, Sam spoke quietly, “Daniel, will you look at me please?”

He glanced up at her, giving her a quick smile.  She was sad to see the pain in his eyes.  The pain she was causing.  Trying to open on a friendly note, she decided to comment about _The Center_.

“This is a nice place.  Do you like it here?”

Daniel shrugged and mumbled, “S’okay.”

This was harder then she planed. Sam tried again. 

“When did you grow the mustache?”

“Fffff, few wwweek ‘go,” the monotone answer came.

“Mmmm,” Sam looked down at her hands now.

Daniel looked at her fully, “What… wwwant… ttta, talk ‘bout?”

Sam sighed.  She really didn’t want to do this, but she felt it was for the best.  When Jack told her that she really needed to investigate her feelings towards Daniel or let him go, she was pissed.  After thinking about it for the weekend, she knew it was still too soon for her.  She still needed time and Jack was right.

She began, “I’m really happy you’re doing better, Daniel, but I… don’t know if,” she trailed off with a soft sob.

“You… nnno… wwwant… mmme aaa… aaany… more, rrrright?” Daniel finished for her.

Shaking her head, she answered, “It’s not you, it’s me.  Really.  I just need some more time.  I do love you, Daniel… but what happened with the… baby, I’m just having a very hard time coming to grips with… us.”

Daniel’s head dropped and his shoulders hunched.  He was trying to ball himself up while still sitting on the couch.  As he rocked little whimpers escaped now and then.  Sam’s heart was breaking.  She really did love him and want to be with him, she just didn’t know how.

“Daniel, I’m going to be taking an assignment on Atlantis.”

His head shot up with surprise, tears filling his eyes.  “Bbbbut… thought… wwwe… cccould… bbbe gggrroup… ttto, together.  Wwwork… t’is all out.”

“I know, Daniel.  Jack told me that was what you wanted to do,” She whispered, “I just can’t do it yet.”

Daniel jumped up and started pacing.  His head was spinning.  All this work he was doing was for her.  Now she was basically telling him that she didn’t care and that made him angry.

“Ffffine!” he turned on her. He wanted to make himself speak without the stutter, to let her know how hurt he was by all the silence, distance and now this.  But when he was excited or angry, he couldn’t get the words out.  In English, that is.

With as much emotion he could let out and still speak, he let her have it with both barrels… all in the ancient tongue.

> _“Atlantis?  My Atlantis?  You would go to the place I’ve dreamed about for years now without me?  That’s bullshit, Sam.  I have been trying my hardest to get better… and it’s all for you.  You always tell me I am running away, but now you are.  I don’t care if you are scared, I know we can work this out.  At least we have to try. God damn it, I can’t believe this. I can’t believe you.  To live with fear is a life half lived.  I know you don’t want that and neither do I!_
> 
> _“I love you, Sam.  Please don’t go.”_

Sam stood up, almost scared by the look on his face and the force of his words.  Words that she didn’t understand, but got the general idea.

“Daniel, I’m sorry,” she called over his tirade. 

She went to him and took his head in her hands to still him.  As soon as her hands touched him, he stopped.  Looking deep into her eyes, showing her all the love and pain in his soul, he closed the distance between their faces and kissed her deeply.  She was surprised at first, then began to kiss him back.  But only for a moment.  Breaking away, Sam looked at him with tears flooding down her face.  She pushed him away, turning from him.

“Don’t,” she sobbed.  “Don’t make this harder than it is.”

“Me?! You rrrrrrun ‘way!  Mmme ttttrying get bbbbetter, yyyou run fffrrom me!”  Daniel shouted.  Then his anger came to a head and he let her have it, without the stutter, “IT WAS MY BABY TOO!”

Sinking to the floor and wrapping his arms around his knees, he continued to sob, “Mmmy… bbba… baby tttoo.”

Sam tried to say something, but her voice caught in her throat and couldn’t.  Turning, she ran out of the room and away from Daniel.

This was it.

Life for him was over.  He had lost Sha’re, Sarah and now Sam.  He thought to himself, _must be a ‘s’ thing._

Daniel got up, grabbed his skates and wandered out of the house.  He had to clear his head.  His heart was in pain, his mind in overdrive and now there was a tickle somewhere inside, telling him that this was for the best.  Shaking his head, he looked at all the colored lights hanging in _The Center_ windows and remembered what day it was.

“Merry _fuckin’_ Christmas, Daniel,” he muttered.

* * *

 

When Jack came to see him later that day, Kacee told him where he could find his friend.  When he walked out to the pond and saw Daniel skating and viciously shooting pucks, he knew that Sam had been there and told him about the transfer she had requested.

In spite of the situation, Jack couldn’t help but be impressed with Daniel’s slap shot.  Especially since he knew that the archeologist didn’t know how to skate or get pucks to the net only a few months ago.  He watched in silence for a little while, before making himself known.  Daniel skated over to him, face red from cold and tears.  He wouldn’t look Jack in the eye.

“Nice slap shot you got there, Danny.  You’ve been holding out on me.”

“Kacee… tttte, ttteach mmme,” he said softly.

Jack nodded.  He figured it was her.  Looking down, he let out a steam of a sigh and said, “Sam come to see you?”

“Nnnnnooo wwwwanna… ttttalk ‘bbout.”

“Yeah, I kind’a figured.  Look, Daniel—”

“Nnnnnooo… tttalk!” he said angrily, “bbbbby, Jjjack.”

With that, he turned and skated away.  O’Neill know he wouldn’t get anything out of him if he tried.  He watched his friend for a moment longer, then turned and left.

When Jack was gone, Daniel dropped to the ice and laid staring at the sky.  When he finally got cold enough, he gathered his stuff, and went back to his room.

Christmas night found Daniel huddled in his favorite corner in his room.  The argument he and Sam had earlier was playing over and over in his head.  Yet another broken dream to add to his list.  As he clutched at his knees in the dark, he heard his bedroom door open.  He didn’t want to talk or see anyone, so he didn’t move.  He thought it was probably Jordan, coming to cheer him up or get him to talk about it.  But no one turned the lights on.

Daniel chanced a look up to see what was going on.  He saw Kacee by his stereo.  She popped a CD in and pulled up a song.  When it started, she came over and sat down with him on the floor.  He waited for her to say something, but she didn’t, so he listened to the song.  The words pierced his heart and he just let the tears come.

 

_The broken clock is a comfort,_  
It helps me sleep tonight,  
Maybe it can stop tomorrow  
From stealing all my time.

_I am here still waiting,_  
Though I still have my doubts,  
I am damaged at best,  
Like you've already figured out.

_I'm falling apart,_  
I'm barely breathing,  
With a broken heart,  
That's still beating,

_In the pain,_  
There is healing,  
In your name,  
I find meaning,

_So I'm holdin' on,_  
I'm holdin' on,  
I'm holdin' on,  
I'm barely  
Holdin' on to you.

_The broken locks were a warning,_  
You got inside my head,  
I tried my best to be guarded,  
I'm an open book instead.

_I still see your reflection,_  
Inside of my eyes,  
That are looking for a purpose,  
They're still looking for life.

_I'm falling apart,_  
I'm barely breathing,  
With a broken heart,  
That's still beating,

_In the pain,_  
There is healing,  
In your name,  
I find meaning,

_So I'm holdin' on,_  
I'm holdin' on,  
I'm holdin' on  
I'm barely  
Holdin' on to you.

_I'm hangin' on,_  
Another day,  
Just to see what,  
You will, throw my way,

_And I'm hanging on,_  
To the words you say,  
You said that I will,  
Be ok.

_The broken lights on the freeway,_  
Left me here alone,  
I may have lost my way now,  
Haven't forgotten my way home,

_I'm falling apart,_  
I'm barely breathing,  
With a broken heart,  
That's still beating,

_In the pain,_  
There is healing,  
In your name,  
I find meaning,

_So I'm holdin' on,_  
I'm holdin' on,  
I'm holdin' on,  
I'm barely  
Holdin' on to you.

_<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5bnnagxt38> _

When the song was over, Daniel turned to the young woman that sat with him.  She looked into his eyes and gave him a sad smile.

“This song was made for people like you and me… and even your Sam.  We are all broken, Daniel.  And we all need to hold on to someone.  You can still find your way home.  Don’t lose yourself again,” Kacee said gently to him.

He watched her face, her eyes, and saw the need that she had, matched his own.  Without letting his common sense get a foothold, he leaned in and kissed her softly.

Softly at first, but as he continued, the need grew.  His tongue slipped over her lips and she opened to him.  The kiss became impassioned.  Hands began to seek out sensitive places.  There was no awkwardness here, only need.

With a groan, Daniel crushed her against him.  He was kissing her with a ravenous hunger.  Kacee kissed him back with equal passion.

The feeling of Kacee’s body so close to his shattered the last of Daniel’s control.  He rolled on top of her, pressing her down onto the floor. She moaned into his mouth and bucked upward.  With his mind on stand-by, Daniel’s body responded, and he ground himself against her.

Kacee could feel Daniel hardening against her, and there wasn’t any other thought than to feel him inside.  She tugged at his shirt, working to get it off, but Daniel stopped her.

“Kacee,” he rasped.

She locked eyes with him, “I’m sorry, Daniel.  This was my fault.”

Kacee squirmed out from under him and quietly walked to the door.  “I just wanted you to… to know that you are loved.”

Daniel jumped up and grabbed her hand.   Staring into her eyes, he saw it was true.  He didn't need anything more.  His mouth covered hers in a heated kiss.  After a moment, she continued her efforts to get his shirt off.  With his help, it dropped to the floor.  As her hands roamed over his skin, he moaned into her mouth.  He decided that she was entirely over dressed and removed her top.  Locking the door, he took a moment just to look at her.  Then his mouth and hands descended onto her breasts, making her cry out in ecstasy.

Daniel picked the small woman up and walked over to his bed.  Placing her gently down, he turned and pressed play on the CD player.  The soft music filled the room as he went back to the one that had pulled him from his silence.

Unfastening her pants and pulling them down, he noticed that he was barely breathing.  Taking a gasp of air, he smiled down on her.  Kacee went to work on getting Daniel's pants off.

Soon he was back on top of her, skin sliding against skin.  His mouth fell upon hers.  Kacee opened herself to him fully, telling him with her body what she needed.  The silent plea did not go unnoticed as Daniel thrust into her deeply.  Kacee moaned loudly, with an echo of his own sounds of pleasure.

It had been a long time and he was very quickly rising to culmination, but he didn't want to go over the edge without her.  However, it had been even longer for Kacee to feel this heat and ecstasy.  In no time at all, she began shaking in his arms, her body gripping him tightly.  Daniel let loose with a cry of passion to match hers and came inside her.

Dropping down beside her, Daniel ran his fingers across her cheek.  He smiled at her, “Lllllove yyou, Kacee.”

Snuggling close to him so he couldn’t see her tears, she quietly replied, “I’ll always love you, Daniel.  You are the only one in years that has gotten inside my defenses.”

Daniel held her close as sheer exhaustion from the day’s events and the quiet music lulled them to sleep.

* * *

 

When the morning came, Daniel knew that something was missing.  Opening his eyes, he saw the note on his nightstand right away.  Sitting up, he reached a trembling hand out to take it.  He put his glasses on and began to read with dread racing through him.

 

> _Dear Daniel,_
> 
> _Thank you for your friendship and love.  You mean more to me then you will ever know._
> 
> _With that said I cannot in good conscience stay here and come between you and the one you truly love.  Fight for her, Daniel.!  Don’t let her get away.  I know the pain is still strong inside her, but only you will be able to help her defeat it._
> 
> _Remember, we are all broken.  And we all need someone to hold onto.  Find your way home, Daniel._
> 
> _With all my love,_
> 
> _Kacee_

He read the letter twice.  Tears sliding down his face.  She was gone. 

But, Sam wasn’t.  And Kacee was right.  He still loved Sam with all his heart.  He had to get her back. Kicking off the blankets, Daniel dressed hurriedly and ran to the phone.

“Jack?”

“Daniel?”

“Yeah, mmme,” he said breathlessly, “Yyyou… nnno okay Ssssam… trans… transfer yyyyet?”

“No, she’s not scheduled to leave until the first,” Jack replied, confusion evident in his voice, “why?”

Daniel let out a long sigh of relief.  “Jack, pppplease, _please_ ,” he calmed his breath and said slowly, “as a favor… for your best… fffffriend, deny… her request.”

There was a long pause of silence, then a very happy voice, “Sure.  Okay.  I didn’t want her to go anyway.  Does this mean… you’re going to try and win her back?”

Daniel smiled, “Yes, Jack.  Iiiii… I going… tttto try!”

Jack pumped his fist silently in the air, then composed himself and told Daniel, “I’ll be over later today and talk with you about this.  I think maybe you should have a fieldtrip to the mountain.”

“Bbb, bbbe great!” Daniel replied. 

Hanging up the phone, he couldn’t help but wonder where Kacee would go, but knew she would be all right.  Sending out a mental message to Oma, he asked if she would look after her.  Daniel really hoped he would see her again.  And if things couldn’t work between he and Sam, he knew that he would set out to find the person that meant so much to him.  The one that while broken herself, helped him to gather the pieces of his heart.


	7. Chapter Seven – Wreck of Our Hearts

Daniel paced in the common room of _The Center_ , waiting for Jack to get there.  He didn’t notice when Jordan walked in until the smell of coffee hit his senses.

“Morning, Daniel,” the young doctor greeted his newest patent, “you’re up awfully early.  Going somewhere?”

Turning to face him, Daniel smiled, “Jjjjack’s cccoming pppick mmme up.  Gggonna see Sam.”

Nodding and taking a long sip of his coffee, he stared at the archeologist.

“Um… Daniel,” Jordan spoke quietly, “will you join me in the office for a moment?”

Daniel pointed out the window with a pout, “B, bbbut… Jack?”

“I’ll let Brooke know, she’ll keep an eye out for him.  This is important.”

Dropping his head down, the older man acquiesced and followed Jordan down the hall.  When they reached the office/library, Dr. Cruz closed the door behind them.  Both men sat down on the chairs beside the doctor’s desk.

Taking a deep breath, Jordan looked Daniel in the eye.  “I have to tell you something that you will not be very happy about,” he began.

Daniel’s leg started to shake and he quickly had his lower lip clamped between his teeth.

“Daniel, Kacee left this morning.”  Jordan was not prepared for the reaction he got.

“Oh…” Daniel said with a sigh of relief, “I, I know.  Sssshe left a, a nnnnote.”

“She did?” with a questioning look, Jordan asked, “Could I…  um… see it?”

“Hmmmm…” Daniel sighed, “I dddon’t think ssso.”

“It’s personal?  Okay, Daniel, I’ll respect that.  But I would like to know if she happened to mention where she was going?”

“Ahhh… no, sssshe didn’t.”

Jordan dropped his head, “Crap!”

Daniel grew concerned, “Is… is she ggg… gonna to bbbe… okay on hhhher own?”

“Probably,” he answered, “she’s a survivor.”

Daniel nodded.  A knock on the office door startled both men.

“Come in, Brooke,” Jordan called.

“Daniel,” the speech therapist said as she looked around the door, “General O’Neill is here.”

Jordan held up a hand to Daniel, stopping him from getting up and turned to Brooke, “Can you give us a minute?”

She nodded and replied, “Sure, I’ll get him some coffee.”

After the door closed, the doctor turned to the archeologist, “You’re not planning on leaving too, are you?”

If truth be told, Daniel _was_ thinking about it.  He wasn’t sure if he wanted to stay now that his whole focus was going to be on winning Sam back.  That and with Kacee gone, he really didn’t want to be here alone.  She was really the only one he connected with.

His silence spoke volumes to Jordan.  Shaking his head, the psychologist leaned back and rubbed his forehead.

“Look… Daniel,” he sighed, “I really don’t think you’re ready to be… on your own just yet.”

Blue eyes flashed briefly with anger, then turned sad.  He knew that Jordan would not like the idea of him leaving so soon.  He was still not totally right yet.  But he really wanted to go home.

_Home?_ Daniel thought, _I don’t have a home!_

Lowering his head to his hands, he let out a miserable groan.  Just as he was about to give in and say he would stay, there was another knock at the door.  Before Jordan could answer, Jack O’Neill came in.

“Sorry to barge in, but I wanted to see if everything was okay with Danny Boy here.”

Jordan’s eyebrow rose as he looked over to Daniel, “So _he’s_ the one that gets to call you Danny?”

The doctor’s grin told the archeologist he was playing with him.  “N… nnnot mmmmy choice,” Daniel glared at Jack, “’m fine, Jack.”

Jordan indicated another chair for Jack to pull up with them.  “Daniel was just considering leaving us.”

Jack shot his friend a withering look.  “I’m not so sure that’s a good idea, Daniel,”  he said sternly, “Not yet anyway.”

Daniel’s heart sank.  He was hoping that Jack would back him up on this.  Seeing how disappointed he was, the colonel thought about his answer.

Leaning forward, Jack lightly slapped his friend’s knee, “Tell you what.  You stay here for a while longer, keep working on your therapy and such.  I’ll bring you some work to do in between your groups, just to keep you busy. We’ll see how things go with Sam today.  If she is willing to at least work on getting your relationship back in working order, and if it’s going to be okay with the Doc here, maybe you can move in with me and come in for your head shrinking sessions and physical therapy in a couple of months.  What’da say?”

Daniel’s face lit up with a huge grin and then he looked over to Jordan pleadingly.

“I would agree to that, _IF_ Daniel puts more effort into his sessions, _and_ I would like to have Sam come in to work with us as well.”

Jack frowned, “I’ll have to talk to her about it.  I’ll make it an order if I have too.”  His voice took on his commanding tone, “As for _Rock boy_ here… he will work harder for you OR I won’t bring him stuff to do from the SGC.  _And_ , if things get bad again when you do come home with me, I’ll toss your ass back in here faster than you can translate Goa’uld,” Jack said directly at the linguist.

Daniel couldn’t stop from leaping out of his chair and giving Jack a huge hug.

“Okay, alright… enough already,” Jack said, patting his best friends back.  “You want to start the rumors again?”

Jordan laughed, “You two should’ve been brothers.”

Jack and Daniel looked at each other and grinned.

“We are!” they said together.

“So, Jordan,” O’Neill said, “is it okay if I steal Danny for a couple of hours?”

“Sure.  He could use a field trip.  But he has to be back before 21:00 hours.”

“I’ll have him back for supper.”

Daniel rolled his eyes at them, “I, I bbbig bbboy, ya’know!”

* * *

 

On the way to the SGC, Daniel was painfully quiet and very obviously nervous.  Jack watched him from the corner of his eye.  The younger man was chewing on his lip, watching out the window and his leg was shaking.  This was such a case of déjà vu, O’Neill actually chuckled.  Daniel glanced over to him, giving his friend a lopsided grin.

“Something on your mind, Danny?”

The archeologist looked down at his trembling hands and began to rub them together so they would stop.  Jack noticed a scared and shameful look in the bright blue eyes.

“Come on, Daniel, fess up,” Jack said as he reached over and squeezed his best friend’s shoulder. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Turning an apprehensive face towards his former C.O., Daniel let out a long sigh.  “Dddon’t think… I, I… cccan tell you ttth… this, Jjjjack,” he stuttered fretfully, “Nnnot without… ggg… getting hhhit.”

That statement surprised the other man.  Wrinkling his forehead, he squinted back at his passenger.

“Hit?”  Jack asked, “Why and by whom?”

Daniel’s nervousness wrenched up several notches.  He turned his gaze back out the window and continued to worry his lower lip.

Getting frustrated, Jack used his _commander_ voice, “SPILL, Daniel.”

“I mmmay’ve… mmmade it im… impossible for Sam to… even ttthink a, about tttaking mmme back…,” he said quietly, “I, I… jjjust hhhope I cccan mmmaybbbe her fr… friend again.”

O’Neill’s curiosity was peaked.  “What did you do?”

Again, there was silence to the right of him.  Daniel leaned his head against the cool of the truck’s window.  Watching the snow fall past the window he considered his actions of last night.  He loved Sam so much, but he also had no regrets at what happened with he and Kacee.  What’s more, he wasn’t sure _if_ he should kiss and tell.

But Daniel knew that he so needed the release, the love and comfort… the confidence.  And he _did_ care a great deal for Kacee.  She found him, excavated him from the ruins of his soul, just as carefully and patiently as any archeologist on a dig.  He really hoped that he would see her again.  He wanted to continue his friendship with her, just as much as he needed Sam’s love to return.

Looking down at his hands, Daniel finally mumbled, “I, I… I mmmade lo… llllove to, tttto Kacee last night.”

Fear raged inside the younger man as Jack’s truck went careening off the road.  It came to a sudden stop, just short of a huge evergreen.  Daniel had his eyes clenched tightly closed, waiting for the blow he expected from the other man.  But there was only silence.  Cautiously, he opened one eye and looked over to Jack.

The general’s hands were gripping the steering wheel of his truck with white knuckle force.  His jaw was taut and eyes blazing.  However, it also looked as if he was willing himself to calm down.

_That’s a marked improvement,_ Daniel thought.  _Normally, Jack would have acted first, thought about after._

“Why?” O’Neill whispered after some time.

Daniel opened both eyes now and watched his friend closely.  With a sigh he answered, “It just… kkkinda happened.  Ssshe knew… I, I was rrreally upset that Sam was llleaving mmme.  I didn’t mmmean for it to hhhappen, Jack.  Just… I, I don’t know… we connected.  Fffilled a bbbrr, bbbroken place iiin each… oooother…” he trailed off.

Jack turned to face him now.  His eyes reflected the fact he could understand that sometimes…

“Well,” he said to the shaking archeologist, “as the song says; _if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with_.”

Daniel’s jaw dropped.  With eyebrows knit together he stared at his companion.  “Www… wwwhha…”

“Spit it out, Danny,” Jack grinned.

“Who… who are you, aaand what have you d, d, done ttto Jack O’Neill?”

“It’s the kinder, gentler Jack O’Neill my young Space Monkey,” the older man replied.  “Just don’t tell Carter.  Okay?  I want to keep you alive for awhile.”

Daniel was perplexed beyond reason.  He had not expected this kind of reaction to his confession.  But, he wasn’t stupid.  He would file whole incident away for later study over pizza and beer with his friend.

Staring at his hands again, he felt he should explain one thing though, “Jack.  I, I… I don’t think I cccan ddddo this.  Sam de… deserves mmmuch bbbetter than mmme.”

Taking Daniel’s shaking hands in his, he looked into the sad azure eyes of his friend, “I don’t believe that Sam could find a better man in this or any other universe.  Understand?”

Mussing up the light brown hair, he added, “No more self-deprecation from now on.  Got it?  Knocking you down a peg or two from time to time is my job.”  He smiled at the cold look Daniel gave him.  “Hey, that’s what friends are for!”

* * *

 

Samantha Carter was furious.  The morning didn’t start that great and it was going downhill very quickly.  She accidently set fire to her microwave, (damn aluminum).  Then she got a ticket on the way to work, (seriously, she was only going 10 mph over!).  On top of that, there had been an altercation in the locker room the night before and her locker was jammed shut.

After Sergeant Siler pried the door off, she was able to grab her fatigues and storm out of the locker room to her office to change.  When she got inside and closed the door, Sam noticed a post-it on her computer screen.  Sighing, she dropped her head and went to read it.

**_Carter, please see me A-SAP – O’Neill_ **

_Oh great!_ she thought.

Quickly changing, she went up to the general’s office.  Sam was surprised he was even here at this hour.  Lately, he had been going to see Daniel before coming into work.  She knocked on his door and was told to enter.

“You wanted to see me, sir?”

“Yes, Carter, come in and sit down please,” O’Neill said in an official voice.

_This can’t be good!_ Sam’s mind was racing.  What had she done wrong?  She tried to sound cheerful even though she was anything but.  “You’re here early, sir, something wrong?”

Taking his time looking at a file, Jack stretched the moment as long as he could.  He finally looked up at her.

“No, just had stuff to do.  I wanted to get here to go through the new recruits that will be posting here the first of the year.  And I went to pick up Daniel so he could hang out here and mess around in his office.  Made him very happy, too.”

He made a show of pulling out one tan folder and flipping it open.  He could tell that Carter was getting annoyed.  Without looking up, he said, “I’m sorry, Colonel, but your request for re-assignment to the Atlantis base has been denied.”

“WHAT?!” Carter yelled jumping out of her set.

“I need you here, Colonel,” Jack offered matter-of-factly.

“What for… _sir_?” she was practically spitting fire.

The general stifled a small grin, he knew she would be pissed, to say the least, but he also knew that she and Daniel _had_ to get things worked out one way or the other.  And keeping her earth bound was the only way he could think of.  That and he really didn’t want her to go either.

“For starters, you are my 2IC.  You know the workings of this base better than anyone.  I may be going to Washington quite a bit this year and I need to know everything will be taken care of here.”

Carter’s jaw was clenched so tight, Jack swore he could hear her teeth cracking.  “What about Major Davis?” she growled the question at him.

“First of all, _Major_ is the operative word there and second he’s too valuable to me in Washington,” he said, “Nope, you’re my man.  Woman.  Colonel.  Whatever.”

She stood there seething for several seconds before coming to attention and saluting the man in front of her.  “Permission to leave… _sir_?”

With a casual wave of his hand he replied, “Dismissed.”

The storm that was Carter left with a thunderous slam of the door.  Jack let out a long whistle, then paled.  He had told Daniel to stay in his old office, but knowing how stubborn he was about not following orders, he reached for his phone and quickly called down to make sure he was still there.

“Come on… come on!  Pick it up, Danny,” Jack mumbled.  “Oh crap!”

Slamming the phone down, he bolted out of the office after his _very_ angry 2IC.

* * *

 

As Jack rounded the corner, he was bowled over by a blur that resembled his archeologist.  Just behind him was Carter brandishing Sergeant Siler’s favorite wrench.

“I should have known you would pull something like this!  You talked him into keeping me here didn’t you?!”  Sam screamed as she pounded after the retreating Daniel.

Jack quickly grabbed her and forced her against the wall, “CARTER!  STAND DOWN!”

He didn’t exactly yell, but she knew right then she was _way_ out of line.

_Can this morning get any worse?_ she wondered.

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she calmed down.  O’Neill watched her closely.

“You better now?”

“Yes, sir,” she quietly replied.

“Good.  I’m gonna let you go now,” he said as he slowly released her.  Then Jack motioned for her to follow him, “Come with me.”

They walked back to her lab and he closed the door behind them after they entered.

“What the **hell** is your problem??!”  Now he was yelling.  “Now I’m gonna have to go and try to calm him down and you _had better_ pray he doesn’t do anything stupid to himself!  I can’t believe you.”

Kicking the door, Jack tried to steady his anger.  “Daniel had nothing to do with my decision, Carter.  He _did_ ask me to not let you go, but that was _way_ after I had already decided.  You have got to pull your head outta your ass!”

He turned around and stared at her, pleased to see she was looking ashamed of herself.  Walking over to her, Jack pulled her into a tight hug.

“Aww, Sam.  What am I gonna do with you?  Huh?”  He stepped back and lifted her face up, wiping a tear away with his thumb.  “Daniel is wildly, madly in love with you.  And knowing how long you waited for him to come out of that coma, I’m sure you are just as in love with him.  Yes, shit has happened.  A lot of shit to be exact, but you have never… _never_ let that stop you from fixing the problem.

“Daniel is doing so much better.  Please… just give him a chance.”

With a nod and a sniffle, she gave her C.O. and friend a tight hug.  “Thank you… Jack.”

“Hey, it’s what I do,” Jack replied with his best Nick Marlowe’s Colonel Danning impression.

That got a real laugh from her.  Kissing her forehead, he pulled away, “I have to go and find Danny Boy now.”

Sam stopped him, “Wait, sir.  Let me go, please.”

Giving her a suspicious look, he cocked an eyebrow up, “No more yelling?”

With a wry grin she answered, “I promise.”  As she turned to leave, Jack stopped her and relieved her of the wrench.

“Oops,” Sam grinned at him.

She left her lab and went to find Daniel.  The first place she decided to check was his office.  As she turned the corner she saw his door was closed.  That was a good sign.  Knocking lightly, she waited for permission to enter.  No answer came.  She knocked again, leaning close in case he was being quiet.  Still no answer came.  Sam was getting worried that maybe he _did_ do something to hurt himself.  Slowly, she opened the door and peeked inside.  She didn’t see him right away so Sam inched into the office.

“Daniel?” she asked in a hushed voice, “are you in here?”

At a small noise from behind his desk, she went around it to see if he was hiding.  Sure enough, Daniel was sitting on the floor with his knees pulled up to his chest, rocking back and forth, and his head buried in his arms, whimpering.  Sam walked slowly over to him and kneeled down.  She tentatively reached out and began to rub his back in small circles.

“Daniel?” Sam whispered to him, “I’m sorry I yelled at you… and chased you… with a big wrench.  It’s been a very bad morning for me.  I know that’s really not a good excuse… and I am very sorry.”

Daniel turned his head towards her, fixing watery blue eyes onto hers.  With a sad little smile, he sniffed and shrugged.

“Are you going to talk to me?” she asked him.

His face was a mask trying to hide the pain and doubt, but his eyes told her everything.  He pointed up to his computer, “Hhhit… the ppplay bbb, bbbutton.”

Knowing that he found talking very frustrating and that music seem to help get his point across much better, she followed his instructions.

“Is this what you want to tell me, Daniel?”

He nodded yes, then buried his head again as they listened to the song.  As the first notes started, Sam knew that it was going to cut her to the quick.

 

_We were drifting all night_  
Losing hold of the light  
But I saw in your eyes  
I was never alone  
Even when it got hard  
When the shore was too far  
Even there your arms  
I've always been home

_ooooooooooo..._

_So sing while we're falling apart_  
I'll take you dancing  
We lived through the wreck of our hearts  
And now we're  
Just picking up the pieces  
Learning how to see when  
Love is in the dark

_There's a cold empty room_  
There's a windowless view  
There's a me without you  
But that's not where I belong  
Through the waves of the deep  
And the storms of the sea  
I have you and you me  
We're not too far gone

_So sing while we're falling apart_  
I'll take you dancing  
We lived through the wreck of our hearts  
And now we're  
Just picking up the pieces  
Learning how to see when  
Love is in the dark

_ooooooooooo..._

_Love is in the dark_

_ooooooooooo..._

_Love is in the dark_

_ooooooooooo..._

_So sing while we're falling apart_  
I'll take you dancing  
We lived through the wreck of our hearts  
And now we're just picking up the pieces  
Learning how to see when  
Love is in the dark

_Love is in the dark_

_<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsNm54UwWWQ> _

 

When the song finished, Sam sat in silence for a long time, tears glistening on her cheeks.  She turned and looked at the man that held her heart in tormented captivity.  Oh, how she loved him… but could she truly let go of all that happened?  Was she even trying too, was the real question.  Placing a hand in Daniel’s hair, she started petting him gently.

He turned to face her without lifting his head up.  In a very quiet and hoarse voice he asked the question that he dreaded the answer too.  “Can we… pppick up the pppieces, Sam?  Cccan you fffind mmme… in ttthe dark?”

Her heart plummeted into her feet.  Just then she realized exactly how much of bitch she had been acting towards him lately.  Maybe Pete was right, she _was_ insensitive.  Maybe that was why none of her relationships had ever worked out.  She was expecting everything from them, strength, compassion, support, but only one way _… for_ her.  Sam needed to have those things going both ways.  And now, Daniel need all that and more _from_ her.

“Oh, Daniel,” she whispered, “you’re not in the dark anymore.  I’ve been so wrapped up in my little world of self pity that… that I couldn’t see what it was doing to you.  Blinding me from the obstacles that you’ve had to overcome.”

Lifting up his face and wiping off his tears, she looked deep into the eyes that had captivated her since the first day they met.  “I love you, Daniel.  I’m _in_ love with you and… and I want to be with you… always.”

Closing the distance between them, Sam captured his mouth in a kiss that she hoped would tell him everything that words couldn’t.  Unfolding his long and lanky frame, he pulled her close and deepened the kiss with eagerness.  There was no yesterday.  There could be no tomorrow.  Only now mattered.  And now they both found what had been eluding them for almost a year.  Each other.

Neither of them noticed that the door to his office had been silently closed by their closest friend.  A smug grin on his face, Jack O’Neill hung a _Do Not Disturb_ sign on the handle and sauntered down the hall to chat with the security guys in the camera room.

It’s good to be the General.

Pulling away just slightly, Daniel peered into her eyes.  There he saw the truth in what she had said and knew that this was the beginning of his new life with the woman he loved.

Smiling, he leaned in for another kiss.  This one more passionate, more possessive, full of the need that he’d felt for so long.  Need that he could tell she had wanted filled as well.  He broke away from her lips and blazed a trail down her jaw onto that most tantalizing neck.  God, now he knew why vampires always go for the neck.  Dancing his tongue over her pulsating artery, he nipped and sucked until Sam let out a moan of pleasure.  That being his cue to proceed, he gently lowered her to the floor behind his desk.

Hands pulling at her shirt he slid inside to feel the warmth of her skin.   Sam’s long, slender fingers stroked his back, holding him close.  She knew this was going somewhere they really shouldn’t be going when at work… but what the hell?  They’ve saved the planet too many times to remember.  A little sex behind the desk should be tolerated… at least this time.

Sam didn’t even notice that he had managed to get her t-shirt up enough until his mouth descended onto her breast with a delicate nibble.  She giggled as his newly acquired mustache tickled her.  He pulled her nipple into his mouth with a groan of pure bliss.  Their bodies driving at breakneck speed to consume one another completely.

The joy…

The ecstasy…

The klaxon sounded outside the office with a maddening racket.

“Unscheduled off world activation.”

“ ** _FUCK_**!” Daniel cried out, hitting the floor with his fist.

Sam was about to say the same thing, but hearing Daniel say it made her laugh.  “The hazard of sex at work, I suppose.”

Rolling his eyes at her, he pushed himself off and helped her up.  Running a quick hand through her hair and tucking her shirt back in, she gave him a sympathetic smile, “Sorry, Daniel.  I have to go… but I ah, think you had better stay here for a few minutes.”

His brow furrowed in disappointment and he was about to protest when she placed a finger on his lips and replied, “I think you should let things… go down a little first…”

She made a purposeful look southward at his rather obvious happiness at having her with him.  With a very red face, he nodded his acquiesces and watched her leave quickly.  He smiled, though, know this was not over.  Not by a long shot!

* * *

 

The next few months passed in blinding speed.  Spring came early for Colorado and with it more trouble with the Lucian Alliance.  Plus, with preparations in full swing to have the entire Atlantis base moved to Golden Gate Harbor, things at the SGC were hopping!

On a personal level, Sam and Daniel were working hard at mending their relationship with the help from their friends and Dr. Cruz.  Daniel stayed at _The Center_ and focused on retraining his speech control and getting the last of the physical ticks under control.  As his ability grew so did the amount of time he was allowed to go into work.  The only thing he wasn’t cleared for where going on missions, but he was actually very happy at just doing the translations and study of artifacts the other teams were bringing back.  This made him feel as if he really was getting back to normal.

When Teal’c was on earth, he would join Daniel and his physical therapist, Bearclaw, in his training.  The two men had hit it off right from the start and the archeologist knew he was in for it when they suggested that both of them worked with him.

Sam also began to see Jordan and work through her pain of first believing she had lost Daniel… yet again.  Then the ordeal of waiting for him to come out of a coma only to find out he was not going to be the same man she had known for eleven years. And on top of everything else, his unnatural violence that had caused her to miscarry.  The councilor she had worked with while staying at her brother’s place never really got her to completely open up the way Jordan was able too.  It was a tremendous load that she had buried in her soul.  Sam didn’t even realize that she had done that.

In early summer, Daniel moved in with Jack.  It was by mutual consent that that would be the best arrangement for the time being.  Sam and he went on dates when time allowed.  They were even back to working on problems in the lab together again.  O’Neill had heard snippets of conversations from various people at how the _SGC brain trust_ seem to be back into the swing of things again.  That made him very happy.

On one of their meetings with Jordan, Daniel found out that because of what he had done to Sam, the force of the punch had caused irreparable damage to her uterus and she would no longer be able to bare children.  Sam was very shaken up but it was by far the hardest on Daniel.  After he found that out, Daniel slid backwards for several days.  He wouldn’t talk, wouldn’t look at anyone.  He moved through the days like a ghost.

Sam finally had enough of his silence and cornered him at Jack’s house one evening.  She pulled him out onto the back deck and sat him down.  Arms wrapped protectively around himself, he rocked slightly and chewed on his lower lip.

“Daniel, look at me please,” she said gently.

He slowly lifted his gaze to meet her face.  She shuddered from the guilt that filled his eyes.  Taking his hands from the self wrap, she sat down on his lap.  Now she could have his undivided attention.

“What I admitted in our last meeting with Jordan was not to punish you.  But if we are to have this relationship work, you had to know.  I did blame you for it, but now…” she had to stop when he looked away with a whimper.  Cupping her hand on his face she pulled him back to look at her again.

“Now that I _truly_ understand that you were not in your right mind, I know it was no fault of yours.  Please believe what I say is the absolute truth… I love you, Daniel Jackson, and I want to be a part of your life no matter what.  I know that we had both talked about having kids, and I’m sorry that that will not be possible now.  At least not biologically.  You know better than anyone that there are so many children out there in need of good and stable homes.  I think we should consider rescuing one or two or eight of them.”

Daniel’s eyes lit up with that idea.  He never even considered adoption.  Now it seemed to make perfect sense.  Pulling her in tight against him, he kissed her deeply.  It seemed that the last of the barriers between them were now totally blasted away.  Well, almost all the barriers.  Pulling away he looked off in the distance for a moment.  Sam was concerned that he was still upset and blaming himself.  Taking a deep breath, Daniel turned his attention back to his love.

“Sam,” he spoke quietly, “I… I need to tell you something that happened with me this past Christmas.”

She adjusted herself on his lap and took his hand in hers, “Go on, Daniel.  It’s okay.”

Shaking his head, he chewed on his lip again.  He was reluctant to talk to her.  “I’m scared that I will lose you again, Sam.” 

Sam placed a kiss on his forehead and said, “It’s okay.  I love you. I promise I will not get upset.”

Slightly emboldened by her words he ventured forward, “On the night that you told me you were going to transfer to Atlantis, I was very mad and upset.  Kacee came in to comfort me, help me work through my pain.  She was the only person I could talk too and she really helped to find myself again.”  Pausing for a second, he looked away, “We talked about how I was feeling with your plans on leaving… and then… then…” his voice faltered.

Sam placed her hand on his cheek and finished for him, “You and she made love that night, didn’t you?”

With tears forming in his eyes, he nodded not looking at her, full of shame.  He was never one for casual sex, but his time with Kacee didn’t ever feel like that.  It was a need that both of them had and knew that the other could fill that space with the love they were so desperate for.

“Daniel, look at me,” Sam whispered.

He lifted his eyes towards her without lifting his head.  Still trying to hide from her, he let out a muffled whimper.  Sam lowered her face towards him and captured his mouth in an all-encompassing kiss that imparted her understanding and forgiveness to him.

“I love you, Daniel Jackson, and I will not let anything ever get in the way of that again,” her words were firm and decisive, leaving no room for misinterpretations.

She was then graced with the first true _Daniel smile_ she had seen in a long time.  Tears brightening her eyes as she consumed his lips in another passionate kiss.  He responded in kind with his hands beginning to wander up under her blouse as the moans of pure rapture heightened the mood.

“Oh, for cryin’ out loud, would you two get a room, please!”  Jack’s amused voice startled them into to fits of giggles.

Lifting Sam up off his lap, Daniel stood up with a smug look.  Taking her by the hand, they walked by Jack and into the house.  O’Neill followed them in but stopped abruptly when he saw that Daniel was heading to his bedroom.

“Um, guys… I didn’t mean… right this very minute…”

No answer came from the retreating scientists.

“Guys?  We have pizza coming in 45 minutes.  Guys?  D’oh!” Jack stood all alone in his quiet living room.

When he began to hear the unmistakable sounds of love being made he quickly turned his TV on and found a hockey game.  Making sure the surround sound was up _very_ loud, he sat down and raised his beer to himself in congratulations for a job well done.

* * *

 

It was mid October when an airman knocked on Daniel’s office door, “Dr. Jackson, this letter came for you.”

“Thanks,” taking the letter he perused the outside of the envelope.  Written in big, bold, letters were, **CONFIDENTIAL**.  The return address was the Air Force Academy and Daniel thought maybe Jordan had heard from Kacee.  He had been asking his former Doctor about her from time to time, but he really hadn’t found out much.

Daniel sat down at his desk and sliced the envelope open.  Pulling the letter out, he recognized the hand writing immediately.  It was Kacee.

 

> _Dear Daniel,_
> 
> _By the time you get this I will be gone again.  Please do not try and find me.  I have a new and pretty good life where I am.  I came back to speak with Jordan and ask his advice with a matter of great importance to me… and you._
> 
> _Jordan told me that you and Sam have recently gotten married.  I am very happy about that!  I was really hoping that you would.  I know how much you love her, D.J. and I didn’t want to come back to kick your ass if you hadn’t fought for her._
> 
> _He told me that you were both looking into adopting a child due to some complications.  That is where this letter comes in._
> 
> _I came back here, as I said, to speak with Jordan about something important.  The night you and I took comfort in each other, I became pregnant.  I did not want to hinder your work to get Sam back, so I never told anyone who the father was.  I am at a place in my life where I can’t really take care of a child, but I never thought of ending the life you and I conceived.  You know as well as I, how being an orphan can really suck and the importance of a good and stable family.  I don’t feel that I can offer this baby that stability._
> 
> _I was going to put him up for adoption when Jordan suggested that I ask you, being the father, first.  Jordan has my written consent to place the child up for adoption if you or Sam do not wish to keep him.  I think though, that knowing you, you will._
> 
> _I am sorry for my not being around, and I really hope that you will not think too badly of me for not wanting to raise my own son.  I just feel that, in reality, you are a much better choice to give him all the opportunities that I know I could not._
> 
> _His birthday is September 14, and his name is Dakota Colt Jackson. He is in perfect health and oh… his eyes!  They are truly your eyes, D.J._
> 
> _Jordan has all the signed paper work with him and will get in touch with you in one week if he doesn’t hear from you first._
> 
> _Please forgive me, Daniel.  I really did not intend for this to happen.  I only hope that you will do what you think is best for Dakota as well as yourself and your wife._
> 
> _I love you, D.J. and I wish you the best._
> 
> _Kacee_

 

Daniel put the letter down, not sure of how he was feeling.  He was sad that she felt she had to go through the pregnancy alone.  And now he was worried about how Sam would respond to this news.

Still, as he read the letter again, he couldn’t help the proud smile.

He had a son.  A son named Dakota Colt.  Leave it to Kacee to come up with such a unique name, but he loved it.

Would Sam though?  Would she accept Dakota as their child?  Letting out a deep sigh, he stood up and headed off to Sam’s lab.

Even with his head worrying, somewhere deep down inside of him, he was jumping with joy.  He just couldn’t stop repeating to himself that he had a son.  A boy of his very own.  His only regret was that Dakota’s mother wasn’t Sam, the love of his life.  But Daniel sincerely hoped that she would be happy to take the job.  And he did love Kacee, it just wasn’t the same.

Reaching the door to her lab, he walked in and closed it behind him.  When Sam looked up, she smiled brightly, then saw the concern on his face.

“Daniel?  What’s wrong?”

“Can you leave now?”

“I suppose so.  I’m not doing anything that important,” she said, but apprehension was washing over her.  “Are you feeling alright?”

“Yeah, I just hhhave to… tttalk with you a, aaabout something.”

Sam was really worried now.  Daniel’s stutter only showed up these days when he was upset about something.

“Let me just wrap this up and we can go.”

It was a very quiet ride down the mountain.  No matter how many times she asked, Daniel wasn’t giving up his stony silence.  He would assure Sam only with small smiles and a squeeze of the hand.

When they finally pulled into the driveway, Sam had enough.

“Okay, we’re home.  Now spill it, Daniel.”

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he pulled the envelope out and held it in front of her.  “I have something to show you.  I just got this letter today from Kacee and I need you to read it very carefully, please.”

She could tell he was very agitated by the self hug and the way his eyes were darting around again.  Taking the letter from him she read it.  Daniel tried to watch her reactions to gauge how she would respond, but her military training was in full force and she kept her face guarded.

When it seemed as if she could have read the letter at least six times, Sam finally looked up at him.  Shifting closer to his car door, he waited for whatever was coming.

In an even voice, Sam said, “Let’s go inside.”

Daniel was sure this was not going to be good, but he fished his keys out and they went inside their home.  As soon as the door closed, Sam launched herself into his arms crying, “Oh Daniel, I am so happy for us.  We have a boy, and he is really a part of you!”

Taken aback, Daniel’s stutter returned again, “Y, yyyou’re nnnot… upset ttth… ttthat he’s mine?”

“How could I be!  This is fantastic.  You need to call Jordan right away and tell him we’re coming to see our son.  I also want to know if maybe we could find out where Kacee is to let her know that he will be with his father.  Daniel, this is our son.  Just like we’ve been talking about.  I can’t wait to see him.”

Sam reached up and kissed him so hard, he thought he would pass out.  When she pulled away, her face was glowing with pride and pleasure.  “I’m going to call Jack and tell him that we need a few weeks leave.  You call Jordan, okay?”

Not really sure if he was in the same reality or not, Daniel just nodded.  Then his brain kicked in and he reached out to snag her back into his arms.

“Sam!” he smiled and said, “I love you, Samantha Jackson!”

“I love you too, Daniel,” she said with a warm and passionate kiss as proof.

He held her tightly and began to sway as he sang quietly into her hair.

“ _So, sing while we're falling apart, I'll take you dancing.  We lived through the wreck of our hearts.  And now we're just picking up the pieces, learning how to see, when love is in the dark…_ ”

No matter how many languages he could speak, write, or understand, there would ever be the right ones to encompass all the feelings he had for his wife… or his friend Kacee.

Music, however, could always find a way.

 

**_~Fin~_ **


End file.
